I sit on the back row,
showing up because I felt it was the right thing to do/
they insist I sit in the front,
A spectacle to all the guests
Fighting tears but
It isn’t any use.
They are stronger.
He enters , my stomach churns
The other witnesses don't notice her insincerity
I see through her smile.
Dressed in green taffeta
as if at a prom.
She scurries down the aisle.
Fat bulging, breasts hardly hidden
beneath a ruffled neckline.
My son says, Miss Piggy
I laugh, he's right
Dad stands in front
reciting prayers to a pagan god.
Hypocrite
You've turned your back on God.
I am silent.
It is useless
She the soul stealer,
has him now.
Showing posts with label Fairy Tales Don't Always Have Happy Endings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fairy Tales Don't Always Have Happy Endings. Show all posts
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Standing at the Screen Door
My parents divorced before I was old enough to retain any memories of the time they were together. There is not one picture of me with both of my parents. Not one trace of evidence from the life we lived together. For that reason I find it impossible to imagine that we ever had the same last name or lived together as a family although we did for only a short time.
In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother's sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.
I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.
Lately I've been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don't have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.
In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother's sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.
I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.
Lately I've been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don't have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.
Psalm 17:8-9 (KJV)
8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
Monday, March 7, 2011
Jesus Understands Momma
Today will always be remembered as one of the worst days of my life. I say that not to be melodramatic but simply because I know it to be true. My world was forever changed almost four months ago when someone I love dearly was arrested for an unspeakable crime. After months of hearing everyone around me make excuses for this person's behavior I lost my temper and spoke my true feelings about the situation.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
Jesus Understands Momma
Today will always be remembered as one of the worst days of my life. I say that not to be melodramatic but simply because I know it to be true. My world was forever changed almost four months ago when someone I love dearly was arrested for an unspeakable crime. After months of hearing everyone around me make excuses for this person's behavior I lost my temper and spoke my true feelings about the situation.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Twas 18 Days Before Christmas of 2010
Twas 18 days before Christmas of 2010
and Ande was thinking of all her old friends.
The Callahan's were actively trimming their trees
with decorations piled up as high as their knees.
The Hamilton's house was all lighted and trimmed
and Drew dreamed that presents filled their home to the brim.
The Shaver's were happily settling in new routines
with all of them fitting into much smaller jeans!
The Allen family made a trip to a Christmas tree farm
where Bryant cut down a tree without getting harmed.
The Norton's were busy with Trey and Sweet G,
hoping to get a photo of them together upon Santa's knee.
The Langhams were ready for Santa's appearance
cause Annette loaded her buggy with items on clearance.
The Tutor girls outnumbered Vergil by three
and you know they don't give diamonds out FREE.
Everyone was busy with their comings and goings
but dreaming of cabins where it was snowing.
The hot tub is waiting and the loofas are ready
Will it hurry up and be February already!!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
and Ande was thinking of all her old friends.
The Callahan's were actively trimming their trees
with decorations piled up as high as their knees.
The Hamilton's house was all lighted and trimmed
and Drew dreamed that presents filled their home to the brim.
The Shaver's were happily settling in new routines
with all of them fitting into much smaller jeans!
The Allen family made a trip to a Christmas tree farm
where Bryant cut down a tree without getting harmed.
The Norton's were busy with Trey and Sweet G,
hoping to get a photo of them together upon Santa's knee.
The Langhams were ready for Santa's appearance
cause Annette loaded her buggy with items on clearance.
The Tutor girls outnumbered Vergil by three
and you know they don't give diamonds out FREE.
Everyone was busy with their comings and goings
but dreaming of cabins where it was snowing.
The hot tub is waiting and the loofas are ready
Will it hurry up and be February already!!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
Twas 18 Days Before Christmas of 2010
Twas 18 days before Christmas of 2010
and Ande was thinking of all her old friends.
The Callahan's were actively trimming their trees
with decorations piled up as high as their knees.
The Hamilton's house was all lighted and trimmed
and Drew dreamed that presents filled their home to the brim.
The Shaver's were happily settling in new routines
with all of them fitting into much smaller jeans!
The Allen family made a trip to a Christmas tree farm
where Bryant cut down a tree without getting harmed.
The Norton's were busy with Trey and Sweet G,
hoping to get a photo of them together upon Santa's knee.
The Langhams were ready for Santa's appearance
cause Annette loaded her buggy with items on clearance.
The Tutor girls outnumbered Vergil by three
and you know they don't give diamonds out FREE.
Everyone was busy with their comings and goings
but dreaming of cabins where it was snowing.
The hot tub is waiting and the loofas are ready
Will it hurry up and be February already!!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
and Ande was thinking of all her old friends.
The Callahan's were actively trimming their trees
with decorations piled up as high as their knees.
The Hamilton's house was all lighted and trimmed
and Drew dreamed that presents filled their home to the brim.
The Shaver's were happily settling in new routines
with all of them fitting into much smaller jeans!
The Allen family made a trip to a Christmas tree farm
where Bryant cut down a tree without getting harmed.
The Norton's were busy with Trey and Sweet G,
hoping to get a photo of them together upon Santa's knee.
The Langhams were ready for Santa's appearance
cause Annette loaded her buggy with items on clearance.
The Tutor girls outnumbered Vergil by three
and you know they don't give diamonds out FREE.
Everyone was busy with their comings and goings
but dreaming of cabins where it was snowing.
The hot tub is waiting and the loofas are ready
Will it hurry up and be February already!!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Happily Ever After
A little girl lies in bed. Her father is at her side. "What story would you like to hear tonight?" the father asks. He prays that it is not Cinderella because the story is such a long one. All the time he hopes but knows if his little princess asks for Cinderella then that is what he will read because he is unable to tell her no. Maybe she will choose another story instead. Sometimes it is Beauty and the Beast, The Three Sillies, Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar, or the Gingerbread Man. However, a lot of the time it is Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella that is chosen as the nightly story.
That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)
As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.
My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.
I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.
I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.
The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.
Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.
That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)
As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.
My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.
I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.
I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.
The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.
Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.
 |
| Once Upon a Time |
 |
| Living Happily Ever After |
Happily Ever After
A little girl lies in bed. Her father is at her side. "What story would you like to hear tonight?" the father asks. He prays that it is not Cinderella because the story is such a long one. All the time he hopes but knows if his little princess asks for Cinderella then that is what he will read because he is unable to tell her no. Maybe she will choose another story instead. Sometimes it is Beauty and the Beast, The Three Sillies, Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar, or the Gingerbread Man. However, a lot of the time it is Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella that is chosen as the nightly story.
That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)
As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.
My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.
I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.
I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.
The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.
Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.
That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)
As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.
My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.
I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.
I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.
The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.
Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.
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| Once Upon a Time |
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| Living Happily Ever After |
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Box Full of Memories
Today J and I did some much needed orgainizing in the garage. It is amazing how much junk can accumulate in such a short time. We have had more yard sales in the past 4 years than we have in our 26 years of marriage so I don't understand why we have more stuff now than ever.
As usual when organizing and cleaning we found a few treasures from the past mixed in with all the junk. Most people (probably including my husband) would say, "why do you think that is a treasure?" Well, I really can't tell you why other than the fact that I am a sentimental fool who loves to look back at things past.
The best treasure we found was a box marked with my name on it. We opened it and found it was filled with a menagerie of items from my childhood. There was a dress my mother made me for the bi-centenial celebration in 1976, a tiny jersey from my career in softball, a book given to me by a friend of my grandmother, some old photos, birthday cards, valentines from who knows what grade, my cap and diploma from my high school graduation, and some old pictures and letters from my school days.
The letters turned out to be a real hoot for me. I found letters written by my little sister which described her feelings for me. I don't know what I had done to that girl but she was obviously pretty upset with me. I found a letter from a best friend from junior high inviting me to spend the night at her house the next weekend. The box also contained lots of letters from a pen pal that I wrote to for several years. There were several letters from a girl I am sure was trying to pry information from me because we liked the same boy. I also found a few sweet notes from admirers proclaiming their love for me. Those notes were so sweet. The boys really put their hearts on the line and it pains me that I can't remember how I handled those situations. They were sweet innocent letters from adolescent boys who braved the courage to tell a girl how they felt. I hope I was kind and considerate of their feelings when I responded to them but I am so afraid that in my shyness I probably handled it all wrong.
When I think of times from my past when someone reached out to me I find myself wishing that I could go back in time. If I could I would go back and relive lots of moments when my shyness gave others the impression that I was a snob or that I was making light of their feelings. It is amazing how much perspective time can provide. Reading those letters today made me realize how often I was misunderstood and how often I most likely misunderstood those around me. For that I am truly sorry. That little box held a lot of lessons for me and gave me more than a few laughs. Boy, did I need that today!!
As usual when organizing and cleaning we found a few treasures from the past mixed in with all the junk. Most people (probably including my husband) would say, "why do you think that is a treasure?" Well, I really can't tell you why other than the fact that I am a sentimental fool who loves to look back at things past.
The best treasure we found was a box marked with my name on it. We opened it and found it was filled with a menagerie of items from my childhood. There was a dress my mother made me for the bi-centenial celebration in 1976, a tiny jersey from my career in softball, a book given to me by a friend of my grandmother, some old photos, birthday cards, valentines from who knows what grade, my cap and diploma from my high school graduation, and some old pictures and letters from my school days.
The letters turned out to be a real hoot for me. I found letters written by my little sister which described her feelings for me. I don't know what I had done to that girl but she was obviously pretty upset with me. I found a letter from a best friend from junior high inviting me to spend the night at her house the next weekend. The box also contained lots of letters from a pen pal that I wrote to for several years. There were several letters from a girl I am sure was trying to pry information from me because we liked the same boy. I also found a few sweet notes from admirers proclaiming their love for me. Those notes were so sweet. The boys really put their hearts on the line and it pains me that I can't remember how I handled those situations. They were sweet innocent letters from adolescent boys who braved the courage to tell a girl how they felt. I hope I was kind and considerate of their feelings when I responded to them but I am so afraid that in my shyness I probably handled it all wrong.
When I think of times from my past when someone reached out to me I find myself wishing that I could go back in time. If I could I would go back and relive lots of moments when my shyness gave others the impression that I was a snob or that I was making light of their feelings. It is amazing how much perspective time can provide. Reading those letters today made me realize how often I was misunderstood and how often I most likely misunderstood those around me. For that I am truly sorry. That little box held a lot of lessons for me and gave me more than a few laughs. Boy, did I need that today!!
A Box Full of Memories
Today J and I did some much needed orgainizing in the garage. It is amazing how much junk can accumulate in such a short time. We have had more yard sales in the past 4 years than we have in our 26 years of marriage so I don't understand why we have more stuff now than ever.
As usual when organizing and cleaning we found a few treasures from the past mixed in with all the junk. Most people (probably including my husband) would say, "why do you think that is a treasure?" Well, I really can't tell you why other than the fact that I am a sentimental fool who loves to look back at things past.
The best treasure we found was a box marked with my name on it. We opened it and found it was filled with a menagerie of items from my childhood. There was a dress my mother made me for the bi-centenial celebration in 1976, a tiny jersey from my career in softball, a book given to me by a friend of my grandmother, some old photos, birthday cards, valentines from who knows what grade, my cap and diploma from my high school graduation, and some old pictures and letters from my school days.
The letters turned out to be a real hoot for me. I found letters written by my little sister which described her feelings for me. I don't know what I had done to that girl but she was obviously pretty upset with me. I found a letter from a best friend from junior high inviting me to spend the night at her house the next weekend. The box also contained lots of letters from a pen pal that I wrote to for several years. There were several letters from a girl I am sure was trying to pry information from me because we liked the same boy. I also found a few sweet notes from admirers proclaiming their love for me. Those notes were so sweet. The boys really put their hearts on the line and it pains me that I can't remember how I handled those situations. They were sweet innocent letters from adolescent boys who braved the courage to tell a girl how they felt. I hope I was kind and considerate of their feelings when I responded to them but I am so afraid that in my shyness I probably handled it all wrong.
When I think of times from my past when someone reached out to me I find myself wishing that I could go back in time. If I could I would go back and relive lots of moments when my shyness gave others the impression that I was a snob or that I was making light of their feelings. It is amazing how much perspective time can provide. Reading those letters today made me realize how often I was misunderstood and how often I most likely misunderstood those around me. For that I am truly sorry. That little box held a lot of lessons for me and gave me more than a few laughs. Boy, did I need that today!!
As usual when organizing and cleaning we found a few treasures from the past mixed in with all the junk. Most people (probably including my husband) would say, "why do you think that is a treasure?" Well, I really can't tell you why other than the fact that I am a sentimental fool who loves to look back at things past.
The best treasure we found was a box marked with my name on it. We opened it and found it was filled with a menagerie of items from my childhood. There was a dress my mother made me for the bi-centenial celebration in 1976, a tiny jersey from my career in softball, a book given to me by a friend of my grandmother, some old photos, birthday cards, valentines from who knows what grade, my cap and diploma from my high school graduation, and some old pictures and letters from my school days.
The letters turned out to be a real hoot for me. I found letters written by my little sister which described her feelings for me. I don't know what I had done to that girl but she was obviously pretty upset with me. I found a letter from a best friend from junior high inviting me to spend the night at her house the next weekend. The box also contained lots of letters from a pen pal that I wrote to for several years. There were several letters from a girl I am sure was trying to pry information from me because we liked the same boy. I also found a few sweet notes from admirers proclaiming their love for me. Those notes were so sweet. The boys really put their hearts on the line and it pains me that I can't remember how I handled those situations. They were sweet innocent letters from adolescent boys who braved the courage to tell a girl how they felt. I hope I was kind and considerate of their feelings when I responded to them but I am so afraid that in my shyness I probably handled it all wrong.
When I think of times from my past when someone reached out to me I find myself wishing that I could go back in time. If I could I would go back and relive lots of moments when my shyness gave others the impression that I was a snob or that I was making light of their feelings. It is amazing how much perspective time can provide. Reading those letters today made me realize how often I was misunderstood and how often I most likely misunderstood those around me. For that I am truly sorry. That little box held a lot of lessons for me and gave me more than a few laughs. Boy, did I need that today!!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
The Way I Feel Tonight, Everything Will Be Alright
I have never been good at adjusting to changes in my life. I prefer to be sitting in the driver's seat in full control, or at least I like to think I am. The problem is that life is not like that. As much as we desire control in reality we have very little if any. That does not mean that we don't have a responsibility to do the right things, to be cautious, and to strive to reach goals. We do have some control over our lives, just never full control. Life has too many facets for us to be able to navigate on our own.
I have been following the blog of a young girl who is attempting to be the youngest person to complete an unassisted solo circumnavigation of the world. Her name is Abby and she is 16 years old. Her journey began on January 23 of this year in California and she is now somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is the sole occupant of her sailboat and has not laid eyes on another human since her journey began. For almost three months she has been alone at sea. It is her intention to sail completely around the world without stepping foot on land. She is the sole person steering her craft but that does not mean that her course is the one she had planned. The wind and the waves determine much of what happens and her pace is not decided by her but by God. She has tried to prepare for every possible scenario but the possibilities are too numerous to imagine. There have already been many things that she has had to deal with in her short journey. Her autopilot has gone out and her backup autopilot had a hydraulic leak both of which she alone had to repair. She is battling the wind, waves, and temperatures. She is almost always wet and has sailed in temperatures in the lower 40's for much of the trip so far.
She chose the course she is taking because she fears pirates. She is hoping to avoid them by staying (for the most part) at least 100 miles from land for most of the trip. I think about the strength this young woman possesses often. I am amazed at her courage and wisdom. Most people will never mature in their lifetime to the point that this young woman has in her short 16 years on this earth. She inspires me, humbles me, and fills me with awe at the strength of the human spirit. So tonight, as most nights, I am thinking of Abby somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, alone and content. Steering her ship while all the time knowing she is not in full control of her course; constantly having to adjust her plans to those of nature.
I think Abby has many lessons to teach us if we will only be open to receive them. She has taught me that I should have a plan in mind but expect for things not to go the way I would like. During these times I should not loose hope but instead plot a new course that points me toward my destination. I need to fight like everything depends on me, but keep my faith in God knowing that He is in control. His plans are far above my plans, even when His plans are hard to accept. So tonight I am turning on my auto pilot and am going to rest easy knowing that my God is in full control. ; ) Sorry DSC I had to use that title since it so perfectly fit.
I have been following the blog of a young girl who is attempting to be the youngest person to complete an unassisted solo circumnavigation of the world. Her name is Abby and she is 16 years old. Her journey began on January 23 of this year in California and she is now somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is the sole occupant of her sailboat and has not laid eyes on another human since her journey began. For almost three months she has been alone at sea. It is her intention to sail completely around the world without stepping foot on land. She is the sole person steering her craft but that does not mean that her course is the one she had planned. The wind and the waves determine much of what happens and her pace is not decided by her but by God. She has tried to prepare for every possible scenario but the possibilities are too numerous to imagine. There have already been many things that she has had to deal with in her short journey. Her autopilot has gone out and her backup autopilot had a hydraulic leak both of which she alone had to repair. She is battling the wind, waves, and temperatures. She is almost always wet and has sailed in temperatures in the lower 40's for much of the trip so far.
She chose the course she is taking because she fears pirates. She is hoping to avoid them by staying (for the most part) at least 100 miles from land for most of the trip. I think about the strength this young woman possesses often. I am amazed at her courage and wisdom. Most people will never mature in their lifetime to the point that this young woman has in her short 16 years on this earth. She inspires me, humbles me, and fills me with awe at the strength of the human spirit. So tonight, as most nights, I am thinking of Abby somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, alone and content. Steering her ship while all the time knowing she is not in full control of her course; constantly having to adjust her plans to those of nature.
I think Abby has many lessons to teach us if we will only be open to receive them. She has taught me that I should have a plan in mind but expect for things not to go the way I would like. During these times I should not loose hope but instead plot a new course that points me toward my destination. I need to fight like everything depends on me, but keep my faith in God knowing that He is in control. His plans are far above my plans, even when His plans are hard to accept. So tonight I am turning on my auto pilot and am going to rest easy knowing that my God is in full control. ; ) Sorry DSC I had to use that title since it so perfectly fit.
The Way I Feel Tonight, Everything Will Be Alright
I have never been good at adjusting to changes in my life. I prefer to be sitting in the driver's seat in full control, or at least I like to think I am. The problem is that life is not like that. As much as we desire control in reality we have very little if any. That does not mean that we don't have a responsibility to do the right things, to be cautious, and to strive to reach goals. We do have some control over our lives, just never full control. Life has too many facets for us to be able to navigate on our own.
I have been following the blog of a young girl who is attempting to be the youngest person to complete an unassisted solo circumnavigation of the world. Her name is Abby and she is 16 years old. Her journey began on January 23 of this year in California and she is now somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is the sole occupant of her sailboat and has not laid eyes on another human since her journey began. For almost three months she has been alone at sea. It is her intention to sail completely around the world without stepping foot on land. She is the sole person steering her craft but that does not mean that her course is the one she had planned. The wind and the waves determine much of what happens and her pace is not decided by her but by God. She has tried to prepare for every possible scenario but the possibilities are too numerous to imagine. There have already been many things that she has had to deal with in her short journey. Her autopilot has gone out and her backup autopilot had a hydraulic leak both of which she alone had to repair. She is battling the wind, waves, and temperatures. She is almost always wet and has sailed in temperatures in the lower 40's for much of the trip so far.
She chose the course she is taking because she fears pirates. She is hoping to avoid them by staying (for the most part) at least 100 miles from land for most of the trip. I think about the strength this young woman possesses often. I am amazed at her courage and wisdom. Most people will never mature in their lifetime to the point that this young woman has in her short 16 years on this earth. She inspires me, humbles me, and fills me with awe at the strength of the human spirit. So tonight, as most nights, I am thinking of Abby somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, alone and content. Steering her ship while all the time knowing she is not in full control of her course; constantly having to adjust her plans to those of nature.
I think Abby has many lessons to teach us if we will only be open to receive them. She has taught me that I should have a plan in mind but expect for things not to go the way I would like. During these times I should not loose hope but instead plot a new course that points me toward my destination. I need to fight like everything depends on me, but keep my faith in God knowing that He is in control. His plans are far above my plans, even when His plans are hard to accept. So tonight I am turning on my auto pilot and am going to rest easy knowing that my God is in full control. ; ) Sorry DSC I had to use that title since it so perfectly fit.
I have been following the blog of a young girl who is attempting to be the youngest person to complete an unassisted solo circumnavigation of the world. Her name is Abby and she is 16 years old. Her journey began on January 23 of this year in California and she is now somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is the sole occupant of her sailboat and has not laid eyes on another human since her journey began. For almost three months she has been alone at sea. It is her intention to sail completely around the world without stepping foot on land. She is the sole person steering her craft but that does not mean that her course is the one she had planned. The wind and the waves determine much of what happens and her pace is not decided by her but by God. She has tried to prepare for every possible scenario but the possibilities are too numerous to imagine. There have already been many things that she has had to deal with in her short journey. Her autopilot has gone out and her backup autopilot had a hydraulic leak both of which she alone had to repair. She is battling the wind, waves, and temperatures. She is almost always wet and has sailed in temperatures in the lower 40's for much of the trip so far.
She chose the course she is taking because she fears pirates. She is hoping to avoid them by staying (for the most part) at least 100 miles from land for most of the trip. I think about the strength this young woman possesses often. I am amazed at her courage and wisdom. Most people will never mature in their lifetime to the point that this young woman has in her short 16 years on this earth. She inspires me, humbles me, and fills me with awe at the strength of the human spirit. So tonight, as most nights, I am thinking of Abby somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, alone and content. Steering her ship while all the time knowing she is not in full control of her course; constantly having to adjust her plans to those of nature.
I think Abby has many lessons to teach us if we will only be open to receive them. She has taught me that I should have a plan in mind but expect for things not to go the way I would like. During these times I should not loose hope but instead plot a new course that points me toward my destination. I need to fight like everything depends on me, but keep my faith in God knowing that He is in control. His plans are far above my plans, even when His plans are hard to accept. So tonight I am turning on my auto pilot and am going to rest easy knowing that my God is in full control. ; ) Sorry DSC I had to use that title since it so perfectly fit.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Opinions Can't Change the Truth
A wise man recently wrote:
In the anonymous comment the person, out of a lack to articulate their position, called me names somewhat like that of an elementary school child. They do have a right to their opinion. They should not, however, assume that they know me or anything about my character. I had a loving relationship with my dad for my entire life up until a few years ago. He was the doting father and I the devoted daughter. I loved him. He was my daddy. He did spoil me beyond belief. Not necessarily with monetary blessings (he paid only around $8,000 child support over my entire lifetime) but with time and thoughtfulness. I owe my upbringing to the man who my mother married when I was four years old. He was the one who put a roof over my head, provided a living for our family, paid for the food that I ate, and all the other things necessary for raising a family.
My dad had very limited time with me because of my parents divorce so he made the most of every minute he was given. He took me skating because he thought I needed to learn to skate. He took me to the public pool because he thought it was important for me to learn how to swim. He taught me to do both of these things while standing outside of the arena that they took place in.
I was not the only person who received my father's generosity. He was a good friend to many people. I have had countless people tell me of times when my dad gave them or someone they know money when he thought they were having a hard time. He spent countless hours helping a friend build a house. I cannot tell you the number of times he served as a pawnbroker to a friend who was having a hard time financially.
My dad lived his entire life dependent on the generosity of my grandparents. He lived with them until the time of their deaths, paying no rent and buying little food. They never complained about him living there and allowing me to live there every weekend. Why? Because that is what parents, good parents, do. They provide for their children, they give them gifts of time and money not because the child asks for it but because it brings them joy.
The person who wrote that comment to me obviously did not have that kind of relationship with their parents as a child. For that I am truly sorry. That, however, is no excuse for calling me names or questioning my relationship with my father. They have been told many untruths without stopping to think and consider that maybe they are wrong. I too could resort to name calling because the very names they called me could very easily be used to describe their behavior. They live off my father's generosity. He told me that himself. One of them has lived rent free in my father's house for over 10 years and now it is my understanding that the other has moved a mobile home onto the property that was paid for by my grandfather over 60 years ago.
My dad was a generous man. A simple man. He was kind and many people took advantage of that fact. His personality changed when he met and married his new wife. They know the man that he became in his last 10 years of life, a man who was very different from the man that I remember from my childhood. I know and remember the man that I spent 32 years being his little girl, his only child, the joy of his life, and the apple of his eye. Sure I frustrated him beyond belief as a teenager, not because I was bad, because I never caused my parents any trouble. I was a good student, a good kid, I was and am a rule follower. Teenagers frustrate their parents--that is just what they do. It is hard to let go and let them grow up and that is one thing that my daddy struggled with. Now that I am facing the things that my father experienced when I was a teenager, I understand. It is difficult to let go. It is heartbreaking when you are no longer the most important person in your child's life. Unfortunately that is life. We are born, grow up, get married, have children, and the cycle continues.
It is unfortunate that this person can't see my point of view. They probably never will. It is outside the realm of their experience and they can't understand something so foreign to them. But that doesn't change the truth. The truth is and will always be exactly what it is and opinions will never alter it.
I love this statement. I recently received an anonymous comment to one of my posts. Well, it really wasn't all that anonymous since I could pinpoint the writer to one of two people. This person has a different perspective than I do concerning a situation that involves me and the relationship I had with my father. The interesting thing about this situation is that this person doesn't know me. We have met briefly on a couple of occasions. I wouldn't even say we were acquaintances. The person has no prior knowledge of the relationship my father and I shared other than what they have been told by another person. A person that they them self described to me in a most unflattering and negative light. The person giving them the information also has no prior personal knowledge of my relationship with my father.Its okay to debate...we all have the right to our opinion. Its okay to disagree...there is no monopoly on being right...perspective does not distinguish truth...just position! name calling is a shallow attempt at articulating frustration... go buy a dictionary! ~ David Callahan
In the anonymous comment the person, out of a lack to articulate their position, called me names somewhat like that of an elementary school child. They do have a right to their opinion. They should not, however, assume that they know me or anything about my character. I had a loving relationship with my dad for my entire life up until a few years ago. He was the doting father and I the devoted daughter. I loved him. He was my daddy. He did spoil me beyond belief. Not necessarily with monetary blessings (he paid only around $8,000 child support over my entire lifetime) but with time and thoughtfulness. I owe my upbringing to the man who my mother married when I was four years old. He was the one who put a roof over my head, provided a living for our family, paid for the food that I ate, and all the other things necessary for raising a family.
My dad had very limited time with me because of my parents divorce so he made the most of every minute he was given. He took me skating because he thought I needed to learn to skate. He took me to the public pool because he thought it was important for me to learn how to swim. He taught me to do both of these things while standing outside of the arena that they took place in.
I was not the only person who received my father's generosity. He was a good friend to many people. I have had countless people tell me of times when my dad gave them or someone they know money when he thought they were having a hard time. He spent countless hours helping a friend build a house. I cannot tell you the number of times he served as a pawnbroker to a friend who was having a hard time financially.
My dad lived his entire life dependent on the generosity of my grandparents. He lived with them until the time of their deaths, paying no rent and buying little food. They never complained about him living there and allowing me to live there every weekend. Why? Because that is what parents, good parents, do. They provide for their children, they give them gifts of time and money not because the child asks for it but because it brings them joy.
The person who wrote that comment to me obviously did not have that kind of relationship with their parents as a child. For that I am truly sorry. That, however, is no excuse for calling me names or questioning my relationship with my father. They have been told many untruths without stopping to think and consider that maybe they are wrong. I too could resort to name calling because the very names they called me could very easily be used to describe their behavior. They live off my father's generosity. He told me that himself. One of them has lived rent free in my father's house for over 10 years and now it is my understanding that the other has moved a mobile home onto the property that was paid for by my grandfather over 60 years ago.
My dad was a generous man. A simple man. He was kind and many people took advantage of that fact. His personality changed when he met and married his new wife. They know the man that he became in his last 10 years of life, a man who was very different from the man that I remember from my childhood. I know and remember the man that I spent 32 years being his little girl, his only child, the joy of his life, and the apple of his eye. Sure I frustrated him beyond belief as a teenager, not because I was bad, because I never caused my parents any trouble. I was a good student, a good kid, I was and am a rule follower. Teenagers frustrate their parents--that is just what they do. It is hard to let go and let them grow up and that is one thing that my daddy struggled with. Now that I am facing the things that my father experienced when I was a teenager, I understand. It is difficult to let go. It is heartbreaking when you are no longer the most important person in your child's life. Unfortunately that is life. We are born, grow up, get married, have children, and the cycle continues.
It is unfortunate that this person can't see my point of view. They probably never will. It is outside the realm of their experience and they can't understand something so foreign to them. But that doesn't change the truth. The truth is and will always be exactly what it is and opinions will never alter it.
Opinions Can't Change the Truth
A wise man recently wrote:
In the anonymous comment the person, out of a lack to articulate their position, called me names somewhat like that of an elementary school child. They do have a right to their opinion. They should not, however, assume that they know me or anything about my character. I had a loving relationship with my dad for my entire life up until a few years ago. He was the doting father and I the devoted daughter. I loved him. He was my daddy. He did spoil me beyond belief. Not necessarily with monetary blessings (he paid only around $8,000 child support over my entire lifetime) but with time and thoughtfulness. I owe my upbringing to the man who my mother married when I was four years old. He was the one who put a roof over my head, provided a living for our family, paid for the food that I ate, and all the other things necessary for raising a family.
My dad had very limited time with me because of my parents divorce so he made the most of every minute he was given. He took me skating because he thought I needed to learn to skate. He took me to the public pool because he thought it was important for me to learn how to swim. He taught me to do both of these things while standing outside of the arena that they took place in.
I was not the only person who received my father's generosity. He was a good friend to many people. I have had countless people tell me of times when my dad gave them or someone they know money when he thought they were having a hard time. He spent countless hours helping a friend build a house. I cannot tell you the number of times he served as a pawnbroker to a friend who was having a hard time financially.
My dad lived his entire life dependent on the generosity of my grandparents. He lived with them until the time of their deaths, paying no rent and buying little food. They never complained about him living there and allowing me to live there every weekend. Why? Because that is what parents, good parents, do. They provide for their children, they give them gifts of time and money not because the child asks for it but because it brings them joy.
The person who wrote that comment to me obviously did not have that kind of relationship with their parents as a child. For that I am truly sorry. That, however, is no excuse for calling me names or questioning my relationship with my father. They have been told many untruths without stopping to think and consider that maybe they are wrong. I too could resort to name calling because the very names they called me could very easily be used to describe their behavior. They live off my father's generosity. He told me that himself. One of them has lived rent free in my father's house for over 10 years and now it is my understanding that the other has moved a mobile home onto the property that was paid for by my grandfather over 60 years ago.
My dad was a generous man. A simple man. He was kind and many people took advantage of that fact. His personality changed when he met and married his new wife. They know the man that he became in his last 10 years of life, a man who was very different from the man that I remember from my childhood. I know and remember the man that I spent 32 years being his little girl, his only child, the joy of his life, and the apple of his eye. Sure I frustrated him beyond belief as a teenager, not because I was bad, because I never caused my parents any trouble. I was a good student, a good kid, I was and am a rule follower. Teenagers frustrate their parents--that is just what they do. It is hard to let go and let them grow up and that is one thing that my daddy struggled with. Now that I am facing the things that my father experienced when I was a teenager, I understand. It is difficult to let go. It is heartbreaking when you are no longer the most important person in your child's life. Unfortunately that is life. We are born, grow up, get married, have children, and the cycle continues.
It is unfortunate that this person can't see my point of view. They probably never will. It is outside the realm of their experience and they can't understand something so foreign to them. But that doesn't change the truth. The truth is and will always be exactly what it is and opinions will never alter it.
I love this statement. I recently received an anonymous comment to one of my posts. Well, it really wasn't all that anonymous since I could pinpoint the writer to one of two people. This person has a different perspective than I do concerning a situation that involves me and the relationship I had with my father. The interesting thing about this situation is that this person doesn't know me. We have met briefly on a couple of occasions. I wouldn't even say we were acquaintances. The person has no prior knowledge of the relationship my father and I shared other than what they have been told by another person. A person that they them self described to me in a most unflattering and negative light. The person giving them the information also has no prior personal knowledge of my relationship with my father.Its okay to debate...we all have the right to our opinion. Its okay to disagree...there is no monopoly on being right...perspective does not distinguish truth...just position! name calling is a shallow attempt at articulating frustration... go buy a dictionary! ~ David Callahan
In the anonymous comment the person, out of a lack to articulate their position, called me names somewhat like that of an elementary school child. They do have a right to their opinion. They should not, however, assume that they know me or anything about my character. I had a loving relationship with my dad for my entire life up until a few years ago. He was the doting father and I the devoted daughter. I loved him. He was my daddy. He did spoil me beyond belief. Not necessarily with monetary blessings (he paid only around $8,000 child support over my entire lifetime) but with time and thoughtfulness. I owe my upbringing to the man who my mother married when I was four years old. He was the one who put a roof over my head, provided a living for our family, paid for the food that I ate, and all the other things necessary for raising a family.
My dad had very limited time with me because of my parents divorce so he made the most of every minute he was given. He took me skating because he thought I needed to learn to skate. He took me to the public pool because he thought it was important for me to learn how to swim. He taught me to do both of these things while standing outside of the arena that they took place in.
I was not the only person who received my father's generosity. He was a good friend to many people. I have had countless people tell me of times when my dad gave them or someone they know money when he thought they were having a hard time. He spent countless hours helping a friend build a house. I cannot tell you the number of times he served as a pawnbroker to a friend who was having a hard time financially.
My dad lived his entire life dependent on the generosity of my grandparents. He lived with them until the time of their deaths, paying no rent and buying little food. They never complained about him living there and allowing me to live there every weekend. Why? Because that is what parents, good parents, do. They provide for their children, they give them gifts of time and money not because the child asks for it but because it brings them joy.
The person who wrote that comment to me obviously did not have that kind of relationship with their parents as a child. For that I am truly sorry. That, however, is no excuse for calling me names or questioning my relationship with my father. They have been told many untruths without stopping to think and consider that maybe they are wrong. I too could resort to name calling because the very names they called me could very easily be used to describe their behavior. They live off my father's generosity. He told me that himself. One of them has lived rent free in my father's house for over 10 years and now it is my understanding that the other has moved a mobile home onto the property that was paid for by my grandfather over 60 years ago.
My dad was a generous man. A simple man. He was kind and many people took advantage of that fact. His personality changed when he met and married his new wife. They know the man that he became in his last 10 years of life, a man who was very different from the man that I remember from my childhood. I know and remember the man that I spent 32 years being his little girl, his only child, the joy of his life, and the apple of his eye. Sure I frustrated him beyond belief as a teenager, not because I was bad, because I never caused my parents any trouble. I was a good student, a good kid, I was and am a rule follower. Teenagers frustrate their parents--that is just what they do. It is hard to let go and let them grow up and that is one thing that my daddy struggled with. Now that I am facing the things that my father experienced when I was a teenager, I understand. It is difficult to let go. It is heartbreaking when you are no longer the most important person in your child's life. Unfortunately that is life. We are born, grow up, get married, have children, and the cycle continues.
It is unfortunate that this person can't see my point of view. They probably never will. It is outside the realm of their experience and they can't understand something so foreign to them. But that doesn't change the truth. The truth is and will always be exactly what it is and opinions will never alter it.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Fairy Tales Don't Always Have Happy Endings
Once upon a time in a land not so far away there lived a daddy and his little girl. The two of them adored each other and had many wonderful times together. The little girl had only to ask and her daddy would give her whatever she wished. There was nothing this man would deny his daughter except for one thing. When the girl was just a wee little thing she would often ask, "Daddy, why don't you give me a step-mother?" The dad would look her in the eye and say, "You don't really want a step-mother. Step-mothers are mean." This conversation occurred many times over the years until the little girl became a young lady.
When the little girl became a young lady the desire for a stepmother faded away. The young lady was content to have her daddy all to herself. Sometimes the man didn't know how to be a daddy to a young lady. He had been the perfect daddy for the little girl but when she began to grow up the daddy didn't always know what to do. The young lady would burst into the irrational tears of an adolescent girl for no reason. She would want to be little one minute and grown up the next. These things perplexed the daddy but in time the waves that their relationship had experienced calmed and it was once again smooth sailing.
The young lady soon became a woman and met a handsome prince who wanted to marry her and take her to a distant land. This time the daddy handled the changing relationship well and welcomed the prince into his family. After a while, the young prince and his wife decided they wanted a child of their own. Soon the woman gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The woman's daddy was there that day just like he had been for every important event throughout her whole life.
The man transformed from a daddy into a grandfather in the blink of an eye. It was if the man was created to be a grandfather. He loved the little boy and spent even more time with him than he had his own little girl. There was nothing he would deny the little boy, except for one thing. The little boy wanted his grandfather to find a woman to be his grandmother. Just as the man had warned his daughter. he gave a similar warning to the little boy. "You don't want me to get married, for if I do I won't have time to spend with you."
All was well in the kingdom for many years until one day the man disappeared. The grandson didn't understand why his grandfather was suddenly missing. The woman and her son called for the man and searched for him but he was no where to be found. They would sit and wait for him to come riding back into the kingdom. The day finally arrived when the man returned to his daughter and grandson. He came bearing news that troubled their hearts greatly. The man had met a woman and was soon to be married. It was as if the man had forgotten his own warnings to his daughter and his grandson. Suddenly things were very different between the man and his family. He no longer came to their home everyday and didn't return the little boy's daily messages. The little boy was devastated and the daughter was hurt and confused at her father's sudden change of character.
The man did indeed get married; and just as he had warned his daughter and grandson, things never were the same. He never had any time to spend with them. He was suddenly gone from their lives. He was always busy and never took time to be with them anymore. The woman and her son tried to ride out the rolling waves of the storm but one day it became clear that the relationship was sinking. The woman navigated out of the storm to safety, in order that she might save the little boy. The man, however, stayed in the midst of the storm and they didn't see him again for many years until someone delivered a message to the woman that her daddy was very ill and had asked to see her again.
The woman, her Prince Charming, and her handsome son went immediately to the man's bedside. Things between them were as they once were and they began to make plans for things they would do when he recovered from his sickness. The man wanted to ride beautiful horses with his daughter and her son. He longed to take a trip in a beautiful riverboat with sparkling chandeliers. As the weeks passed the woman began to see that her daddy would never ride the horses with his family or sleep in the riverboat as he had dreamed.
Everyday the man grew sicker. Finally the daughter and her prince of a husband were called to the man's bedside for the last time. They stayed with the man all morning telling stories that the woman recalled from her childhood adventures with her daddy. There was the time he made her an Indian maiden dress, the time he rescued her from a majestic oak tree that had been planted by her grandfather, and the stories of all the miles the man had traveled through icy roads to deliver little red snow boots to his daughter. After a short time the man took his last breath, his heart rate slowed to a stop, and he stepped out of this world and into the Kingdom of God.
I wonder why the man refused to heed his own warnings? Why could he not have a wife, daughter and grandson all at the same time? Why did he feel he had to choose? I wonder if he ever saw the poison he was being fed by the stepmother? Why did the man allow someone to deceive him and keep him from his daughter and grandson? The only comfort in this story comes from the fact that God gave the daughter the gift of spending her dad's last days on earth with him and allowed her and her husband the privilege of being there when God called her daddy home. In the end the wicked stepmother may have succeeded in taking the daughter and grandson out of the man's life but she failed miserably at taking them out of his heart.
When the little girl became a young lady the desire for a stepmother faded away. The young lady was content to have her daddy all to herself. Sometimes the man didn't know how to be a daddy to a young lady. He had been the perfect daddy for the little girl but when she began to grow up the daddy didn't always know what to do. The young lady would burst into the irrational tears of an adolescent girl for no reason. She would want to be little one minute and grown up the next. These things perplexed the daddy but in time the waves that their relationship had experienced calmed and it was once again smooth sailing.
The young lady soon became a woman and met a handsome prince who wanted to marry her and take her to a distant land. This time the daddy handled the changing relationship well and welcomed the prince into his family. After a while, the young prince and his wife decided they wanted a child of their own. Soon the woman gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The woman's daddy was there that day just like he had been for every important event throughout her whole life.
The man transformed from a daddy into a grandfather in the blink of an eye. It was if the man was created to be a grandfather. He loved the little boy and spent even more time with him than he had his own little girl. There was nothing he would deny the little boy, except for one thing. The little boy wanted his grandfather to find a woman to be his grandmother. Just as the man had warned his daughter. he gave a similar warning to the little boy. "You don't want me to get married, for if I do I won't have time to spend with you."
All was well in the kingdom for many years until one day the man disappeared. The grandson didn't understand why his grandfather was suddenly missing. The woman and her son called for the man and searched for him but he was no where to be found. They would sit and wait for him to come riding back into the kingdom. The day finally arrived when the man returned to his daughter and grandson. He came bearing news that troubled their hearts greatly. The man had met a woman and was soon to be married. It was as if the man had forgotten his own warnings to his daughter and his grandson. Suddenly things were very different between the man and his family. He no longer came to their home everyday and didn't return the little boy's daily messages. The little boy was devastated and the daughter was hurt and confused at her father's sudden change of character.
The man did indeed get married; and just as he had warned his daughter and grandson, things never were the same. He never had any time to spend with them. He was suddenly gone from their lives. He was always busy and never took time to be with them anymore. The woman and her son tried to ride out the rolling waves of the storm but one day it became clear that the relationship was sinking. The woman navigated out of the storm to safety, in order that she might save the little boy. The man, however, stayed in the midst of the storm and they didn't see him again for many years until someone delivered a message to the woman that her daddy was very ill and had asked to see her again.
The woman, her Prince Charming, and her handsome son went immediately to the man's bedside. Things between them were as they once were and they began to make plans for things they would do when he recovered from his sickness. The man wanted to ride beautiful horses with his daughter and her son. He longed to take a trip in a beautiful riverboat with sparkling chandeliers. As the weeks passed the woman began to see that her daddy would never ride the horses with his family or sleep in the riverboat as he had dreamed.
Everyday the man grew sicker. Finally the daughter and her prince of a husband were called to the man's bedside for the last time. They stayed with the man all morning telling stories that the woman recalled from her childhood adventures with her daddy. There was the time he made her an Indian maiden dress, the time he rescued her from a majestic oak tree that had been planted by her grandfather, and the stories of all the miles the man had traveled through icy roads to deliver little red snow boots to his daughter. After a short time the man took his last breath, his heart rate slowed to a stop, and he stepped out of this world and into the Kingdom of God.
I wonder why the man refused to heed his own warnings? Why could he not have a wife, daughter and grandson all at the same time? Why did he feel he had to choose? I wonder if he ever saw the poison he was being fed by the stepmother? Why did the man allow someone to deceive him and keep him from his daughter and grandson? The only comfort in this story comes from the fact that God gave the daughter the gift of spending her dad's last days on earth with him and allowed her and her husband the privilege of being there when God called her daddy home. In the end the wicked stepmother may have succeeded in taking the daughter and grandson out of the man's life but she failed miserably at taking them out of his heart.
Fairy Tales Don't Always Have Happy Endings
Once upon a time in a land not so far away there lived a daddy and his little girl. The two of them adored each other and had many wonderful times together. The little girl had only to ask and her daddy would give her whatever she wished. There was nothing this man would deny his daughter except for one thing. When the girl was just a wee little thing she would often ask, "Daddy, why don't you give me a step-mother?" The dad would look her in the eye and say, "You don't really want a step-mother. Step-mothers are mean." This conversation occurred many times over the years until the little girl became a young lady.
When the little girl became a young lady the desire for a stepmother faded away. The young lady was content to have her daddy all to herself. Sometimes the man didn't know how to be a daddy to a young lady. He had been the perfect daddy for the little girl but when she began to grow up the daddy didn't always know what to do. The young lady would burst into the irrational tears of an adolescent girl for no reason. She would want to be little one minute and grown up the next. These things perplexed the daddy but in time the waves that their relationship had experienced calmed and it was once again smooth sailing.
The young lady soon became a woman and met a handsome prince who wanted to marry her and take her to a distant land. This time the daddy handled the changing relationship well and welcomed the prince into his family. After a while, the young prince and his wife decided they wanted a child of their own. Soon the woman gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The woman's daddy was there that day just like he had been for every important event throughout her whole life.
The man transformed from a daddy into a grandfather in the blink of an eye. It was if the man was created to be a grandfather. He loved the little boy and spent even more time with him than he had his own little girl. There was nothing he would deny the little boy, except for one thing. The little boy wanted his grandfather to find a woman to be his grandmother. Just as the man had warned his daughter. he gave a similar warning to the little boy. "You don't want me to get married, for if I do I won't have time to spend with you."
All was well in the kingdom for many years until one day the man disappeared. The grandson didn't understand why his grandfather was suddenly missing. The woman and her son called for the man and searched for him but he was no where to be found. They would sit and wait for him to come riding back into the kingdom. The day finally arrived when the man returned to his daughter and grandson. He came bearing news that troubled their hearts greatly. The man had met a woman and was soon to be married. It was as if the man had forgotten his own warnings to his daughter and his grandson. Suddenly things were very different between the man and his family. He no longer came to their home everyday and didn't return the little boy's daily messages. The little boy was devastated and the daughter was hurt and confused at her father's sudden change of character.
The man did indeed get married; and just as he had warned his daughter and grandson, things never were the same. He never had any time to spend with them. He was suddenly gone from their lives. He was always busy and never took time to be with them anymore. The woman and her son tried to ride out the rolling waves of the storm but one day it became clear that the relationship was sinking. The woman navigated out of the storm to safety, in order that she might save the little boy. The man, however, stayed in the midst of the storm and they didn't see him again for many years until someone delivered a message to the woman that her daddy was very ill and had asked to see her again.
The woman, her Prince Charming, and her handsome son went immediately to the man's bedside. Things between them were as they once were and they began to make plans for things they would do when he recovered from his sickness. The man wanted to ride beautiful horses with his daughter and her son. He longed to take a trip in a beautiful riverboat with sparkling chandeliers. As the weeks passed the woman began to see that her daddy would never ride the horses with his family or sleep in the riverboat as he had dreamed.
Everyday the man grew sicker. Finally the daughter and her prince of a husband were called to the man's bedside for the last time. They stayed with the man all morning telling stories that the woman recalled from her childhood adventures with her daddy. There was the time he made her an Indian maiden dress, the time he rescued her from a majestic oak tree that had been planted by her grandfather, and the stories of all the miles the man had traveled through icy roads to deliver little red snow boots to his daughter. After a short time the man took his last breath, his heart rate slowed to a stop, and he stepped out of this world and into the Kingdom of God.
I wonder why the man refused to heed his own warnings? Why could he not have a wife, daughter and grandson all at the same time? Why did he feel he had to choose? I wonder if he ever saw the poison he was being fed by the stepmother? Why did the man allow someone to deceive him and keep him from his daughter and grandson? The only comfort in this story comes from the fact that God gave the daughter the gift of spending her dad's last days on earth with him and allowed her and her husband the privilege of being there when God called her daddy home. In the end the wicked stepmother may have succeeded in taking the daughter and grandson out of the man's life but she failed miserably at taking them out of his heart.
When the little girl became a young lady the desire for a stepmother faded away. The young lady was content to have her daddy all to herself. Sometimes the man didn't know how to be a daddy to a young lady. He had been the perfect daddy for the little girl but when she began to grow up the daddy didn't always know what to do. The young lady would burst into the irrational tears of an adolescent girl for no reason. She would want to be little one minute and grown up the next. These things perplexed the daddy but in time the waves that their relationship had experienced calmed and it was once again smooth sailing.
The young lady soon became a woman and met a handsome prince who wanted to marry her and take her to a distant land. This time the daddy handled the changing relationship well and welcomed the prince into his family. After a while, the young prince and his wife decided they wanted a child of their own. Soon the woman gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The woman's daddy was there that day just like he had been for every important event throughout her whole life.
The man transformed from a daddy into a grandfather in the blink of an eye. It was if the man was created to be a grandfather. He loved the little boy and spent even more time with him than he had his own little girl. There was nothing he would deny the little boy, except for one thing. The little boy wanted his grandfather to find a woman to be his grandmother. Just as the man had warned his daughter. he gave a similar warning to the little boy. "You don't want me to get married, for if I do I won't have time to spend with you."
All was well in the kingdom for many years until one day the man disappeared. The grandson didn't understand why his grandfather was suddenly missing. The woman and her son called for the man and searched for him but he was no where to be found. They would sit and wait for him to come riding back into the kingdom. The day finally arrived when the man returned to his daughter and grandson. He came bearing news that troubled their hearts greatly. The man had met a woman and was soon to be married. It was as if the man had forgotten his own warnings to his daughter and his grandson. Suddenly things were very different between the man and his family. He no longer came to their home everyday and didn't return the little boy's daily messages. The little boy was devastated and the daughter was hurt and confused at her father's sudden change of character.
The man did indeed get married; and just as he had warned his daughter and grandson, things never were the same. He never had any time to spend with them. He was suddenly gone from their lives. He was always busy and never took time to be with them anymore. The woman and her son tried to ride out the rolling waves of the storm but one day it became clear that the relationship was sinking. The woman navigated out of the storm to safety, in order that she might save the little boy. The man, however, stayed in the midst of the storm and they didn't see him again for many years until someone delivered a message to the woman that her daddy was very ill and had asked to see her again.
The woman, her Prince Charming, and her handsome son went immediately to the man's bedside. Things between them were as they once were and they began to make plans for things they would do when he recovered from his sickness. The man wanted to ride beautiful horses with his daughter and her son. He longed to take a trip in a beautiful riverboat with sparkling chandeliers. As the weeks passed the woman began to see that her daddy would never ride the horses with his family or sleep in the riverboat as he had dreamed.
Everyday the man grew sicker. Finally the daughter and her prince of a husband were called to the man's bedside for the last time. They stayed with the man all morning telling stories that the woman recalled from her childhood adventures with her daddy. There was the time he made her an Indian maiden dress, the time he rescued her from a majestic oak tree that had been planted by her grandfather, and the stories of all the miles the man had traveled through icy roads to deliver little red snow boots to his daughter. After a short time the man took his last breath, his heart rate slowed to a stop, and he stepped out of this world and into the Kingdom of God.
I wonder why the man refused to heed his own warnings? Why could he not have a wife, daughter and grandson all at the same time? Why did he feel he had to choose? I wonder if he ever saw the poison he was being fed by the stepmother? Why did the man allow someone to deceive him and keep him from his daughter and grandson? The only comfort in this story comes from the fact that God gave the daughter the gift of spending her dad's last days on earth with him and allowed her and her husband the privilege of being there when God called her daddy home. In the end the wicked stepmother may have succeeded in taking the daughter and grandson out of the man's life but she failed miserably at taking them out of his heart.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Closure
For the past 5 1/2 years we have waited, searched, and longed for closure. We thought that a conviction would bring that closure into our lives. Today as I heard the news I had believed would give me the peace and closure I have searched for I found myself basically unchanged. I don't know if I will ever feel closure in this lifetime. I do know that I will never be able to fully accept or understand the events that brought me and so many others to the place that we are today. Over and over again I have found myself broken and asking why. Why did this devistation come into our lives?
I know that God is in control and has been through all of this. He has walked beside us guiding us through the darkness. He has carried us when we have been too exhausted to walk on our own. He has cradled us in His arms when we have been broken. He has caught every tear we have cried and has given us the strength and courage to face each day.
Although we will never understand, never know why, and never be the same again, we will make it through each day with the help of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In his sermon How God Uses Suffering, John MacArthur says,
I searched through some old Bible studies and found notes listing these verses as being Thad's favorites. He was a man that radiated Jesus in everything he did and I am thankful and proud that I was blessed to have known him and benefit from his teaching. I think these verses speak perfectly about the place we find ourselves and I know that Thad would want us to live and cling to these verses.
I know that God is in control and has been through all of this. He has walked beside us guiding us through the darkness. He has carried us when we have been too exhausted to walk on our own. He has cradled us in His arms when we have been broken. He has caught every tear we have cried and has given us the strength and courage to face each day.
Although we will never understand, never know why, and never be the same again, we will make it through each day with the help of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In his sermon How God Uses Suffering, John MacArthur says,
"When you go through the sufferings of life God has a purpose. His purpose is to manifest the character of your spiritual life to everybody around you and to you as well. His purpose is to humble you because of His multitude of blessings poured out upon you and His purpose is to draw you into the intimacy of His glorious presence."I pray that we have lived a life worthy of the call God has placed on our lives. It is my desire to show the love of Christ to those around me. I know that I fall short of that goal everyday because if I had reached that place of intimacy and perfection my work here on earth would be done and I would be seated at the feet of Jesus with those who have already gone before us.
I searched through some old Bible studies and found notes listing these verses as being Thad's favorites. He was a man that radiated Jesus in everything he did and I am thankful and proud that I was blessed to have known him and benefit from his teaching. I think these verses speak perfectly about the place we find ourselves and I know that Thad would want us to live and cling to these verses.
Philippians 3:10-12
10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]11That if possible I may attain to the [[b]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own. AMP
John 10:10
10The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it [a]overflows). AMP
In loving memory of Thad John Glenn Reynolds
Closure
For the past 5 1/2 years we have waited, searched, and longed for closure. We thought that a conviction would bring that closure into our lives. Today as I heard the news I had believed would give me the peace and closure I have searched for I found myself basically unchanged. I don't know if I will ever feel closure in this lifetime. I do know that I will never be able to fully accept or understand the events that brought me and so many others to the place that we are today. Over and over again I have found myself broken and asking why. Why did this devistation come into our lives?
I know that God is in control and has been through all of this. He has walked beside us guiding us through the darkness. He has carried us when we have been too exhausted to walk on our own. He has cradled us in His arms when we have been broken. He has caught every tear we have cried and has given us the strength and courage to face each day.
Although we will never understand, never know why, and never be the same again, we will make it through each day with the help of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In his sermon How God Uses Suffering, John MacArthur says,
I searched through some old Bible studies and found notes listing these verses as being Thad's favorites. He was a man that radiated Jesus in everything he did and I am thankful and proud that I was blessed to have known him and benefit from his teaching. I think these verses speak perfectly about the place we find ourselves and I know that Thad would want us to live and cling to these verses.
I know that God is in control and has been through all of this. He has walked beside us guiding us through the darkness. He has carried us when we have been too exhausted to walk on our own. He has cradled us in His arms when we have been broken. He has caught every tear we have cried and has given us the strength and courage to face each day.
Although we will never understand, never know why, and never be the same again, we will make it through each day with the help of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In his sermon How God Uses Suffering, John MacArthur says,
"When you go through the sufferings of life God has a purpose. His purpose is to manifest the character of your spiritual life to everybody around you and to you as well. His purpose is to humble you because of His multitude of blessings poured out upon you and His purpose is to draw you into the intimacy of His glorious presence."I pray that we have lived a life worthy of the call God has placed on our lives. It is my desire to show the love of Christ to those around me. I know that I fall short of that goal everyday because if I had reached that place of intimacy and perfection my work here on earth would be done and I would be seated at the feet of Jesus with those who have already gone before us.
I searched through some old Bible studies and found notes listing these verses as being Thad's favorites. He was a man that radiated Jesus in everything he did and I am thankful and proud that I was blessed to have known him and benefit from his teaching. I think these verses speak perfectly about the place we find ourselves and I know that Thad would want us to live and cling to these verses.
Philippians 3:10-12
10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]11That if possible I may attain to the [[b]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own. AMP
John 10:10
10The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it [a]overflows). AMP
In loving memory of Thad John Glenn Reynolds
Friday, August 14, 2009
Letting Go is Hard to Do
Tonight my heart is heavy as I lay in bed thinking of my sister and the transition her life will take in the morning. Tomorrow my sister's only child is leaving for college. For the first time in almost 19 years he will have an address that is different than that of his parents. He will no longer be sleeping a short 20 feet from his mom and dad; instead he will be sleeping in his own apartment many miles away. The late night requests of, "Mom, would you cook me some. . ." are over (at least on a daily basis). The house will be quiet, his room will remain clean, and plates will stop magically appearing on the kitchen counter after everyone has gone to bed.
Isn't it amazing how days seem to creep by while years seem to sprout wings and fly away. It seems as if it were just yesterday that we were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for my nephew to be born. Thad was already adored by the time he arrived in the world in October 1990. Too soon he transformed into the cutest tow-haired little boy you could imagine. My oldest son, Trey, was born six days before Thad's first birthday. My sister and I made sure our boys spent a lot of time together when they were small. I remember many times when Thad would take Trey's pacifier away and suck it himself. They played switch the pacifier a lot during that first year. If they weren't sharing them with each other they were sharing them with Mags, our dog. They played together and fought with each other, but most of all loved each other. They climbed up hills of Georgia red clay that refused to wash out of their clothes, they had mud battles that left them looking like swamp monsters, and built way too many forts to count.
My favorite memory is from a visit Trey and I made to spend the day with my sister and nephew. We did this pretty often (at least once a week). This particular day was in the fall of 1991. Thad had just turned one and Trey could only have been a few weeks old. Thad and I played in their backyard running and jumping in freshly fallen piles of leaves all day. We had a wonderful time together. The air was filled with the squeals of joy, laughter, and love.
The day came to an end much too soon. As I loaded Trey into the car Thad began to cry for his Yah, Yah (me). It brings tears to my eyes as I recall it now. I still have a vivid picture of my sister holding that beautiful tow-haired boy wearing a pair of red corduroy overalls and a white turtleneck. He was sobbing as I drove away. When I arrived home I called my sister and she said he cried himself to sleep and had continued to sob after he fell sleep. It broke my heart to see him cry as I drove away that day.
I am filled with pride at the young man he has become but at the same time my heart is breaking because time slipped away far too soon. Oh, how I would love to spend one more autumn day playing in the leaves with that little boy, to see him clad in a cowboy hat and boots holding a guitar and singing one of his country songs while wearing only his underwear. He was, afterall, the first naked cowboy.
Tomorrow will be filled with many tears for my sister. I pray that God will surround her, give her the strength needed for the day, and give her peace knowing that she has been a great mother and has adequately prepared her son for the adventures that life has in store for him.
Isn't it amazing how days seem to creep by while years seem to sprout wings and fly away. It seems as if it were just yesterday that we were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for my nephew to be born. Thad was already adored by the time he arrived in the world in October 1990. Too soon he transformed into the cutest tow-haired little boy you could imagine. My oldest son, Trey, was born six days before Thad's first birthday. My sister and I made sure our boys spent a lot of time together when they were small. I remember many times when Thad would take Trey's pacifier away and suck it himself. They played switch the pacifier a lot during that first year. If they weren't sharing them with each other they were sharing them with Mags, our dog. They played together and fought with each other, but most of all loved each other. They climbed up hills of Georgia red clay that refused to wash out of their clothes, they had mud battles that left them looking like swamp monsters, and built way too many forts to count.
My favorite memory is from a visit Trey and I made to spend the day with my sister and nephew. We did this pretty often (at least once a week). This particular day was in the fall of 1991. Thad had just turned one and Trey could only have been a few weeks old. Thad and I played in their backyard running and jumping in freshly fallen piles of leaves all day. We had a wonderful time together. The air was filled with the squeals of joy, laughter, and love.
The day came to an end much too soon. As I loaded Trey into the car Thad began to cry for his Yah, Yah (me). It brings tears to my eyes as I recall it now. I still have a vivid picture of my sister holding that beautiful tow-haired boy wearing a pair of red corduroy overalls and a white turtleneck. He was sobbing as I drove away. When I arrived home I called my sister and she said he cried himself to sleep and had continued to sob after he fell sleep. It broke my heart to see him cry as I drove away that day.
I am filled with pride at the young man he has become but at the same time my heart is breaking because time slipped away far too soon. Oh, how I would love to spend one more autumn day playing in the leaves with that little boy, to see him clad in a cowboy hat and boots holding a guitar and singing one of his country songs while wearing only his underwear. He was, afterall, the first naked cowboy.
Tomorrow will be filled with many tears for my sister. I pray that God will surround her, give her the strength needed for the day, and give her peace knowing that she has been a great mother and has adequately prepared her son for the adventures that life has in store for him.
Letting Go is Hard to Do
Tonight my heart is heavy as I lay in bed thinking of my sister and the transition her life will take in the morning. Tomorrow my sister's only child is leaving for college. For the first time in almost 19 years he will have an address that is different than that of his parents. He will no longer be sleeping a short 20 feet from his mom and dad; instead he will be sleeping in his own apartment many miles away. The late night requests of, "Mom, would you cook me some. . ." are over (at least on a daily basis). The house will be quiet, his room will remain clean, and plates will stop magically appearing on the kitchen counter after everyone has gone to bed.
Isn't it amazing how days seem to creep by while years seem to sprout wings and fly away. It seems as if it were just yesterday that we were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for my nephew to be born. Thad was already adored by the time he arrived in the world in October 1990. Too soon he transformed into the cutest tow-haired little boy you could imagine. My oldest son, Trey, was born six days before Thad's first birthday. My sister and I made sure our boys spent a lot of time together when they were small. I remember many times when Thad would take Trey's pacifier away and suck it himself. They played switch the pacifier a lot during that first year. If they weren't sharing them with each other they were sharing them with Mags, our dog. They played together and fought with each other, but most of all loved each other. They climbed up hills of Georgia red clay that refused to wash out of their clothes, they had mud battles that left them looking like swamp monsters, and built way too many forts to count.
My favorite memory is from a visit Trey and I made to spend the day with my sister and nephew. We did this pretty often (at least once a week). This particular day was in the fall of 1991. Thad had just turned one and Trey could only have been a few weeks old. Thad and I played in their backyard running and jumping in freshly fallen piles of leaves all day. We had a wonderful time together. The air was filled with the squeals of joy, laughter, and love.
The day came to an end much too soon. As I loaded Trey into the car Thad began to cry for his Yah, Yah (me). It brings tears to my eyes as I recall it now. I still have a vivid picture of my sister holding that beautiful tow-haired boy wearing a pair of red corduroy overalls and a white turtleneck. He was sobbing as I drove away. When I arrived home I called my sister and she said he cried himself to sleep and had continued to sob after he fell sleep. It broke my heart to see him cry as I drove away that day.
I am filled with pride at the young man he has become but at the same time my heart is breaking because time slipped away far too soon. Oh, how I would love to spend one more autumn day playing in the leaves with that little boy, to see him clad in a cowboy hat and boots holding a guitar and singing one of his country songs while wearing only his underwear. He was, afterall, the first naked cowboy.
Tomorrow will be filled with many tears for my sister. I pray that God will surround her, give her the strength needed for the day, and give her peace knowing that she has been a great mother and has adequately prepared her son for the adventures that life has in store for him.
Isn't it amazing how days seem to creep by while years seem to sprout wings and fly away. It seems as if it were just yesterday that we were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for my nephew to be born. Thad was already adored by the time he arrived in the world in October 1990. Too soon he transformed into the cutest tow-haired little boy you could imagine. My oldest son, Trey, was born six days before Thad's first birthday. My sister and I made sure our boys spent a lot of time together when they were small. I remember many times when Thad would take Trey's pacifier away and suck it himself. They played switch the pacifier a lot during that first year. If they weren't sharing them with each other they were sharing them with Mags, our dog. They played together and fought with each other, but most of all loved each other. They climbed up hills of Georgia red clay that refused to wash out of their clothes, they had mud battles that left them looking like swamp monsters, and built way too many forts to count.
My favorite memory is from a visit Trey and I made to spend the day with my sister and nephew. We did this pretty often (at least once a week). This particular day was in the fall of 1991. Thad had just turned one and Trey could only have been a few weeks old. Thad and I played in their backyard running and jumping in freshly fallen piles of leaves all day. We had a wonderful time together. The air was filled with the squeals of joy, laughter, and love.
The day came to an end much too soon. As I loaded Trey into the car Thad began to cry for his Yah, Yah (me). It brings tears to my eyes as I recall it now. I still have a vivid picture of my sister holding that beautiful tow-haired boy wearing a pair of red corduroy overalls and a white turtleneck. He was sobbing as I drove away. When I arrived home I called my sister and she said he cried himself to sleep and had continued to sob after he fell sleep. It broke my heart to see him cry as I drove away that day.
I am filled with pride at the young man he has become but at the same time my heart is breaking because time slipped away far too soon. Oh, how I would love to spend one more autumn day playing in the leaves with that little boy, to see him clad in a cowboy hat and boots holding a guitar and singing one of his country songs while wearing only his underwear. He was, afterall, the first naked cowboy.
Tomorrow will be filled with many tears for my sister. I pray that God will surround her, give her the strength needed for the day, and give her peace knowing that she has been a great mother and has adequately prepared her son for the adventures that life has in store for him.
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