Uncertain Times

I woke up this morning to a beautiful sunshiny day. The sun greeted me with its rays streaming through my bedroom windows promising a gorgeous day ahead. Joey is planning on painting the house during his two weeks off for social distancing. He noticed that there was rot on the end of the garage and decided that the siding at the top of the eave had to be replaced now rather than later. We already had the supplies from the repairs he had to make to the west end of the house where the master bedroom is last year. We started painting the house around May of last year but the weather got too hot to finish it. Of course we got sidetracked and it has taken this long to get back on track. 

Governor Kemp made an announcement today that he is cancelling school for the rest of the school year. I have felt that would be the case but hearing it just seems surreal. People are understandably very upset. There won't be any proms this spring for the first time in the history of proms, I suppose. Many teachers have said that their classroom pictures haven't been made. Students aren't going to be able to say goodbye to their teachers and their friends and hopes of graduates walking down the aisle are pretty much over. Its really a sad situation but to try and look on the bright side since I tend to be told I am a negative Nancy, who can say that their senior year was cancelled due to a pandemic? They will for the foreseeable future have the best senior year stories to tell to their children and grandchildren. They almost top my grandparents who walked to school in the snow, uphill both ways...barefooted.

 I really fear for the underprivileged that may only shop once a month when they get their checks. All the craziness started long after they had done their shopping for the month. Stores have been pretty bare for over two weeks and I fear the governor's newest announcement lengthening our shelter in place order for two more weeks will throw people into more of a panic. I can't imagine having to try and find everything my family will need with the current situation the stores are in. Thankfully I had been building up a small stockpile of foods before this hit the United States. Meats have been hard to find. Stores are often out of hamburger meat and other ground meats. The canned foods aisle has been barren and Lord knows finding toilet paper has been a feat for over two and a half weeks. Thankfully we found some that first weekend at Sam's so what we bought will last us a while.

 I just saw on Facebook that Pay n Tote is closed for at least the next two weeks. The sign on the door said, "For the safety of our customers and our family we will be closed for two weeks." That is something I never thought I would see. They don't close for any reason at all.

 We are definitely in the strangest of times but somehow I have had a peace through it all. That is not who I am. I am not a peaceful person. I tend to be a worrier but the Lord has given me a peaceful heart through all of this. I can't help thinking of a couple of sayings my husband Joey has...the first is, "there isn't anything that can touch me that God hasn't allowed" and the second is "if they kill me they can't eat me because I'm all fat and gristle." I say that because at the worst we lose everything but as long as we have each other we will be okay and if one of us should not make it through this pandemic then God has ordained it to be that way and no amount of fretting now or later can change that.

A Tiny Glimpse of Normal

Today I realized that I have forgotten what normal feels like. Almost 13 years ago God blessed us with the very special gift of our son, Sweet G. He is a gift that I feel like God miraculously handed down from heaven and placed in our lives. It's a fairy tale story of a family of three wishing to become a family of four and who suddenly in the twinkling of an eye have their dream handed to them. If you have never read the story of G's adoption you should. It is a wonderful story of God's love and grace.

I feel like I have raised two only children. T was an only child for almost 12 years before Sweet G came along and Sweet G became an only child of sorts when T left for college 6 years ago. They are as different as daylight and dark in many ways. One strong willed and stubborn, one calm and happy go lucky, but both very much adored by their Mom.

With T we played hide and seek, chase, built forts, climbed trees and hiked through the woods. G has never done one of those things. G and I watch videos, sing karaoke, research assassinated presidents, and play trivia games on the iPad. T was a typically developed child and G has Cerebral Palsy, learning disabilities and developmental delays. We have spent time with therapists in and out of our lives, worked on standing, walking, and dressing skills instead of going to the park, playing and doing all the things kids do.

Life with G is just different. There are so many things he can do and we have adapted our lives in such a way that I honestly forget what all he misses out on until some random thing comes up out of the blue and reminds me that we aren't living a normal life! It has simply become normal for us.

Today was one of those surprising days that slipped up on me and took my breath away. We arrived home from church to find the children across the street raking up a huge pile of leaves in their front yard so they could jump in it. Such a normal childhood thing to do. My very busy hubby offered to pay the kids to rake our front yard. The kids were so excited! By the way, the sweetest kids in the world live across the street from me! : ) They offered to do it for free (I told you they are perfect kids)...but my husband insisted on paying them. So the three of them hop over to our house and what they were doing for fun has become a way to make money.

Sweet G could hear them outside laughing and talking as they happily raked our yard and he asked if he could go outside with them. I thought it was a great opportunity for him to spend time with his peers so we rolled him outside and gave him a small rake I use in my flower bed. He loved being able to help and made the comment when we came inside, "I didn't know a handicapped kid could rake leaves!"

Wow...that statement took me by surprise and made me realize we are not normal! We don't do what typical families do. We somehow manage to forget that fact in the busyness of living "our normal" of stretching, massaging, dressing, toileting, making his bed, cutting his food, helping him do...everything. We have let our child learn helplessness and that is something we are now working on overcoming.

Tomorrow we will oil, massage, stretch, dress, toilet, bathe, and help in so many ways but today for just a little while I had a glimpse of normal and it sure was wonderful.

Preparing Our Hearts

Several years ago I discovered the tradition of the Jesse Tree, a tradition of using ornaments that represent the people, prophesies, and events leading up to the promised Savior. This has been life changing for me.

I am one of those people who struggle emotionally at Christmas. I stress over choosing gifts that I think others will like, I worry about finances, I become irritated as stores become crowded with holiday shoppers. I simply didn't enjoy Christmas for many, many years.

Thankfully, I discovered the Jesse Tree. The first year I created ornaments out of Shrinky Dinks to hang on a little wooden tree. I used a guide that I found online and each night we read the corresponding scripture and hung the ornament on our tree. It was simple but effective. I felt a weight being lifted off of me as Christmas approached and I found myself actually enjoying Christmas for the first time in years.

Each year our ornaments have been improved a little and we've used different reading plans, some with devotions to accompany the scriptures each day.

Last year I purchased The Greatest Gift by Ann Vonskamp. I have to say this is one of the best purchases I've ever made. This book is beautifully written and the daily devotions that go along with the scriptures helped me focus on the true meaning of Christmas, the promise of a Savior. I can honestly say that last year was the best Christmas I have had in years.

My circumstances didn't change. There was the ever present traffic that comes along on Black Friday and hangs around with us until the New Year, the stores were crowded with shoppers, I had a full schedule of events that surround Christmas, the indecision of holiday gifts still plagued me and yet, my heart was at peace. The things surrounding me weren't changed, I was. My heart was prepared for my Savior.

This year I decided to share my secret with others. I am hosting a Jesse Tree Ornament Swap. I started very late and haven't found the required number of participants but I have adapted the plan so that we can still complete the swap. This year I have 7 friends each making 8 copies of 3 different ornaments in the set, and I will be making the remaining 4 ornaments in the set.

I am very excited about this event. It's added one more thing to my already full plate but somehow it is already making life easier. I'm busier than ever but more intently focused on Christ. That is the magic of the Jesse Tree. Each day we are focused on Jesus and that makes all the difference in the world.

I hope you find a way to focus your heart more intently on Christ this holiday season. Don't forget to stop, step back, and make time to spend with The Lord during this busy time of year. I promise, you won't regret it.

Revelations

Wow! Today has been a big God day and He has revealed so much to me. It's probably because I have spent more time with Him in recent days and have contemplated some things that I've read about and heard from others. I recently finished reading the book What She Left For Me by Tracie Peterson. It's a story about a woman who is abandoned by her a husband who is a pastor. I've also been reading the book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge.

Captivating has pulled me into its pages in a way that I have not experienced before. In fact, I started reading it a couple of years ago with a group of women from church and didn't get very far before I gave up. It just didn't speak to me at the time but now I can't put it down. I read and reread each chapter, underlining, marking and highlighting almost every word. I am so excited to meet with a group of young women each week to discuss it. It has already brought me so much understanding into the mind and heart of women in two chapters!

I recently heard a story that reminded me of the events in Tracie Peterson's book as well as the teaching in Captivating. John and Stasi Eldredge explain that a woman has a God-given desire to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable part in a great adventure and that every woman has a beauty to unveil. In the counterpart book for men, Wild at Heart, John describes a man's basic needs as wanting a battle to fight, a longing for adventure, and that he longs for a beauty to rescue. Satan wants nothing more than to twist those desires into something perverse and sinful. We have to be vigilant in keeping watch over our marriages to make sure to prevent Satan from gaining a foothold in our lives. It is so easy for satan to take a man's desire to rescue and twist it so that he believes it's a husband's place to rescue a woman besides his wife. It's equally as easy for a woman to see the wrong man as her rescuer.

Our small group started studying Guardrails by Andy Stanley the last time we met. He talks about the importance of setting up guard rails in our lives so that when we encounter them they are a danger sign that we are close to sinning. If only we were always so careful to do that, but unfortunately we aren't. We allow ourselves to be put into positions that are potentially dangerous and without that guard rail we can so easily slip into the abyss of sin.

In the book What She Left for Me the Pastor put himself in a situation where he was counseling a woman alone. He should have had a guard rail that he never met or counseled a woman alone. It started innocently but his desire to rescue paired with her desire to be seen and romanced was a lethal mixture in their marriages and soon they were seeking these things from each other instead of from their own spouses as God intended.

As I was riding in my car this afternoon I began to think about these things. A woman's desire to be pursued is an attribute of God. He wants to be pursued by His children. I thought about how easily it is for us to get that mixed up in our earthly relationships and thought about how devastating it would be to me if my husband sought after another woman more than he does me. I would be crushed. Then I realized that I do that to God everyday. My most important relationship should be with Him! The person I long to spend the most time with should be Jesus, not my husband, my children, or my friends. He desires to be pursued by me! What an awesome thought! The Creator of the universe desires me to seek Him out.

It is my prayer that as I continue in these studies that I am ever mindful of the role I give God in my life. I adore my husband but he cannot hold first place in my life. That place is for a God alone. My children need me and desire my attention but not like that of my Creator. God help me get the right balance in my life. Help me put You in the place of importance You alone deserve. Help me to seek You above ALL things.

Awareness

Awareness is a wonderful thing. I think it's great to see people come together for a common cause and try to bring change. But at the same time I find myself questioning whether most understand the issues they say they support. The ice bucket challenge is one of those instances where I think people have gotten caught up in the trendiness of the challenge without understanding what it is they are supporting.

I first noticed on my Facebook newsfeed that lots of individuals were videoing themselves having ice water dumped on them. In the beginning I didn't even watch the videos because I figured it was just another crazy Facebook stunt that would quickly fade away. After several days, I finally became curious. I watched a video and although the person stated that they were doing the ice bucket challenge for ALS that was all the information they gave. Video after video I watched was much the same with no information about the disease so I finally became curious enought to start gathering my own information about ALS and was devastated by what I found.

ALS is a debilitating neurological disease that destroys the body's ability to transmitt messages to the muscles of its victim. (This is my very elementary, simple definition.) The patient looses all muscle function and in the end they basically suffocate because their muscles atrophy to the point that the lungs cannot receive oxygen. They lose the ability to speak, eat, and do anything for themselves. The patient has a healthy mind trapped in a non-functioning body. It is a horrible disease and it breaks my heart that so many people suffer from its effects.

During my digging I found that the ALSA are doing research using human embryonic cells. That began to change my thinking on what I wanted to do to help this cause. As a Christian who believes that life begins at conception should I give money to help fund research that uses aborted babies to harvest stem cells? My decision was that I could not in good conscience do that. What about if the fetus had not been aborted but had been fertilized in a Petri dish for the purpose of creating stem cells? Was I okay with that option? Again, my personal conviction told me that it was morally wrong.

I am not trying to belittle the efforts of those who have done the challenge and I don't stand in judgement of those who sent money to the ALS. These are simply my personal convictions. But, I also feel that there are many people just like me who are totally unaware of the practices of the ALS research being done. Just as those completing the challenge have the right to bring awareness to ALS I also have a right to bring awareness to how the ALS chooses to spend the funds being raised.

My family has chosen to make a contribution to an individual with ALS. Their medical costs are extreme and they struggle with not only the disease but the side effects of no income, medical costs, transportation costs, and many other things. There is more than one way to be a part of this cause. We simply choose to give on a personal level.

Our family knows the struggles of having a family member with a chronic medical condition. My youngest son has cerebral palsy which affects him in much the same way that ALS effects individuals. Thankfully, my son's condition is not progressive but he has suffered with it since birth. He doesn't know what it is to run and play like a typical child. He is very dependent on others for most everything. I understand what it is to live the life of a caregiver. There are hard days when you are exhausted both physically and mentally. My heart goes out to the families of ALS.

My son could possibly benefit from the same type research that an ALS patient could. Stem cell research is being done to try to lessen or eliminate the effect cerebral palsy has on a person. Even so, my family chooses not to support stem cell research done using embryonic cells of any kind. There are other types of stem cell research that have actually proven to be more promising that do not use embryonic cells.

I pray that my heart is heard from anyone who might come across this blog post. I have so much compassion for those suffering from ALS. I support community awareness and I pray that a cure or a treatment will be found. I simply chose to give in an alternative way that I feel makes a personal impact on an individual until such time that the current research practices change.