A Time For Tears

Today we took our oldest son to college. I thought I had this all under control and was going to be just fine. Well, I am not okay. In fact I am the opposite of okay. I am what you would call a basket case. I have cried, I have had numerous panic attacks, and I have fought tears back so much that my facial muscles are cramping. I feel like I look like the Joker. My eyes are obviously swollen from all the crying because they feel very strange but I absolutely refuse to look into a mirror knowing that will only start the crying all over again when I see how pitiful I look.

It is funny how life works. My son was born 359 days after my sister's son. My son left for college today which just happened to be exactly 359 days after my sister's son left home last year. What are the chances of that happening? I know that them being a year apart that my son has typically followed a year behind the milestones of his cousin. It just makes sense. The fact that it worked out to the day on both those events is strange to me though.

We laughed at the parents of most of those students who were checking in at the same time T was. The athletic department volunteers thanked T numerous times on his limited amount of belongings that required being taken upstairs. The funny thing is that he took a refrigerator, microwave, computer, printer, several boxes with towels and linens, school supplies, dishes, books (he is a reader), and clothes. As I passed by several rooms in the dorm I could not suppress letting out a little laugh. Mothers were making beds and arranging the nests of their little birdies. Some of the rooms had so much in them that there was not room to walk. I don't know but I will give the benefit of the doubt to these people that their child will be staying for 17 weeks without coming home at all which required them to bring all that stuff. Summer clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe they packed everything they owned just in case they might need it. Who knows? Maybe we are the crazy ones. I am thinking maybe he forgot something. Does he have enough underwear and socks? Did he take shoes? I know he was wearing flip flops. . . what could we possibly have done wrong?

One sweet moment today came as we dropped T off at the dorm, pulled the van to a nearby parking lot and began our walk back to the dorm. We were walking along pushing Sweet G in his wheelchair when suddenly he said, "Is T going to be all alone? I don't want my brother to be all alone." My heart melted at that moment and if it weren't for the fact that God placed two beautiful and sweet young coeds on the curb directly across the street from where G made the statement I would have lost it right then and there. The girls were a distraction for me and their sweet expressions and tender smiles at G turned a tearful moment into a sweet blessing. G was concerned about his brother. In fact he offered to stay with him if T needed him to. T even had a little chuckle over that one but managed to politely refuse the offer. G did however try both the beds out before we left.

I am not sure what the coming days will bring. So far G has been my rock. He has loved on me and given me wise council. "Mommy are you crying again? Is it about T? I know Mommy I feel the same way. I miss T too." Oh how that boy blesses my heart. I don't know what I would do if God had not sent him into our lives. Well, I would probably be camped out somewhere in Carrolton right now. I am relieved that God placed my son directly beside the Resident Assistant in the building who seemed to be a very nice young man. So my Mommy fears are somewhat tempered by the placement of his room and by the roommate he was assigned. And please do not tell me any different because I have spent a lot of time creating my Marshmallow Fluff existence about this entire situation.

But life here goes on and tomorrow I will let another little birdie try out his wings as he soars into the first grade. I may seriously need some Botox to relax my face by mid morning. So, just in case you see me in the next few weeks be prepared. I have not had a stroke-yet. I have just turned loose of my first born child and my heart will take a while to mend.

A Time For Tears

Today we took our oldest son to college. I thought I had this all under control and was going to be just fine. Well, I am not okay. In fact I am the opposite of okay. I am what you would call a basket case. I have cried, I have had numerous panic attacks, and I have fought tears back so much that my facial muscles are cramping. I feel like I look like the Joker. My eyes are obviously swollen from all the crying because they feel very strange but I absolutely refuse to look into a mirror knowing that will only start the crying all over again when I see how pitiful I look.

It is funny how life works. My son was born 359 days after my sister's son. My son left for college today which just happened to be exactly 359 days after my sister's son left home last year. What are the chances of that happening? I know that them being a year apart that my son has typically followed a year behind the milestones of his cousin. It just makes sense. The fact that it worked out to the day on both those events is strange to me though.

We laughed at the parents of most of those students who were checking in at the same time T was. The athletic department volunteers thanked T numerous times on his limited amount of belongings that required being taken upstairs. The funny thing is that he took a refrigerator, microwave, computer, printer, several boxes with towels and linens, school supplies, dishes, books (he is a reader), and clothes. As I passed by several rooms in the dorm I could not suppress letting out a little laugh. Mothers were making beds and arranging the nests of their little birdies. Some of the rooms had so much in them that there was not room to walk. I don't know but I will give the benefit of the doubt to these people that their child will be staying for 17 weeks without coming home at all which required them to bring all that stuff. Summer clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe they packed everything they owned just in case they might need it. Who knows? Maybe we are the crazy ones. I am thinking maybe he forgot something. Does he have enough underwear and socks? Did he take shoes? I know he was wearing flip flops. . . what could we possibly have done wrong?

One sweet moment today came as we dropped T off at the dorm, pulled the van to a nearby parking lot and began our walk back to the dorm. We were walking along pushing Sweet G in his wheelchair when suddenly he said, "Is T going to be all alone? I don't want my brother to be all alone." My heart melted at that moment and if it weren't for the fact that God placed two beautiful and sweet young coeds on the curb directly across the street from where G made the statement I would have lost it right then and there. The girls were a distraction for me and their sweet expressions and tender smiles at G turned a tearful moment into a sweet blessing. G was concerned about his brother. In fact he offered to stay with him if T needed him to. T even had a little chuckle over that one but managed to politely refuse the offer. G did however try both the beds out before we left.

I am not sure what the coming days will bring. So far G has been my rock. He has loved on me and given me wise council. "Mommy are you crying again? Is it about T? I know Mommy I feel the same way. I miss T too." Oh how that boy blesses my heart. I don't know what I would do if God had not sent him into our lives. Well, I would probably be camped out somewhere in Carrolton right now. I am relieved that God placed my son directly beside the Resident Assistant in the building who seemed to be a very nice young man. So my Mommy fears are somewhat tempered by the placement of his room and by the roommate he was assigned. And please do not tell me any different because I have spent a lot of time creating my Marshmallow Fluff existence about this entire situation.

But life here goes on and tomorrow I will let another little birdie try out his wings as he soars into the first grade. I may seriously need some Botox to relax my face by mid morning. So, just in case you see me in the next few weeks be prepared. I have not had a stroke-yet. I have just turned loose of my first born child and my heart will take a while to mend.

Writer's Block

For a while I was pretty consistent with my blog. I had lots to write about and sometimes found it hard to decide which thing to write about. I have recently found myself in sort of a writing drought so to speak. To be truthful I have been in a personal drought as well which probably explains the lack of inspiration in writing. It isn't that Sweet G has not provided me with things to blog about because believe me he has been in rare form lately. I have simply been hormonal and in a state of depression over the passing of summer, my boys heading off to school, no job prospects, and a house remodel to top it all off.

I am still finding it hard to pin down exactly what it is that my blog is all about. Most blogs have a distinct purpose and I can't seem to find one for mine. I suppose it is a place for me to record my thoughts and feelings as well as document all the funny things G adds to my life.

The truth is that this blog is a great representation of my personality. I am a Gemini. The sign of the twins. I don't put a lot of stock in the whole astrology thing but I must admit that the description of a Gemini does fit me pretty well. I am very inquisitive, have a wide variety of interest, change my mind often and am sometimes totally unpredictable. I flip flop from one extreme to the other in lots of areas. I play devil's advocate to myself very often to the point of near insanity. I guess that is what has been up with my recent mood. I need to make decisions about flooring and even more serious things like the direction my life is going and I have been in shut down to avoid making any decision for fear of making the wrong ones.

So, maybe I am beginning to move out of my current depressed state and into a better state of mind. For now I will continue my current reading and word game obsessions and wait for the flip of my personality to emerge so that I can resume writing again.

Writer's Block

For a while I was pretty consistent with my blog. I had lots to write about and sometimes found it hard to decide which thing to write about. I have recently found myself in sort of a writing drought so to speak. To be truthful I have been in a personal drought as well which probably explains the lack of inspiration in writing. It isn't that Sweet G has not provided me with things to blog about because believe me he has been in rare form lately. I have simply been hormonal and in a state of depression over the passing of summer, my boys heading off to school, no job prospects, and a house remodel to top it all off.

I am still finding it hard to pin down exactly what it is that my blog is all about. Most blogs have a distinct purpose and I can't seem to find one for mine. I suppose it is a place for me to record my thoughts and feelings as well as document all the funny things G adds to my life.

The truth is that this blog is a great representation of my personality. I am a Gemini. The sign of the twins. I don't put a lot of stock in the whole astrology thing but I must admit that the description of a Gemini does fit me pretty well. I am very inquisitive, have a wide variety of interest, change my mind often and am sometimes totally unpredictable. I flip flop from one extreme to the other in lots of areas. I play devil's advocate to myself very often to the point of near insanity. I guess that is what has been up with my recent mood. I need to make decisions about flooring and even more serious things like the direction my life is going and I have been in shut down to avoid making any decision for fear of making the wrong ones.

So, maybe I am beginning to move out of my current depressed state and into a better state of mind. For now I will continue my current reading and word game obsessions and wait for the flip of my personality to emerge so that I can resume writing again.

My Little Sister

Time has a funny way of changing how we look at things. The very things that seemed like a death sentence to me as a child now are the very things I long for. I can still hear my mother's warnings like it was yesterday. "You two should be nice to each other. You will wish someday that you could spend time with your sister." My siblings and I had our fair share of disagreements. I suppose all siblings do at some point. My little sister was like a thorn in my side most of the time being 4 years younger than me. She followed me around and never wanted to play what I did (or so it seemed). When a friend of mine would visit there she would be close at our heels. We shared a bedroom for most of the years of our childhoods and privacy was something that didn't exist. When I was blossoming into a teenager she of course thought she should be able to do all that I did. My make-up and clothes were fair game in her eyes. Not all of my memories of her are bad though. I do have fond memories of us playing Barbies while listening to Donny Osmond on the record player. (The record belonged to our older sister, so I guess I was guilty of committing the same sibling crimes as my younger sister was.) We once rode her mini-bike (motorcycle) around our garden one spring day. Much to our dismay half way around the garden the tires began to sink into the soft, wet mud. Neither of us wanting to face the wrath of a clean freak mother we both held our feet up expecting the other to maintain our balance. Needless to say instead of getting our feet wet and muddy our bodies were half-submerged in the goo of a spring garden. We did manage to get the bike out of the garden by using boards (why we did that I don't know because we were covered in mud at that point). We "cleverly" disposed of our soiled clothes "discretely" in the floor of the laundry room in plain sight. We thought we would never be found out. I know our mother had to see those clothes but she never said anything about it.

I have been blessed to be able to spend a good bit of time with my pesky little sister this summer. It brings back so many memories of years past. No longer do I view my time with her as an undeserved punishment. I now see the wisdom of my mother's long ago words and treasure each moment we have together. We spent the day at our childhood home this week with our parents working alongside our dad in the garden picking okra. That simple act brought back so many feelings. Our conversation was limited to the growth of the vegetables and we worked in the rain at one point. We heard the rains coming just as I remember doing so many times as a child. But the memory of that day will stay with me forever.

Today we met our parents for dinner and our dad told us how much he enjoyed our time in the garden this week. It is amazing how such a simple act can illicit deep emotion and leave such a lasting impression on you. So, tomorrow (like everyday this week) I will be with my little sister. I will work alongside her and our dad as we perform a task that was once a chore which has magically been transformed into a gift.