When a Man Loves a Woman

Tonight I read a beautifully written post of an old friend. He is a worrier by his own definition and has recently been dealing with an issue that has had him turning himself inside out with agonizing concern; concern for someone who is dearer to him than his own life. As I read the post through my tears of joy at the life my friend has been blessed to live I couldn't help thinking of a recent conversation I had with Sweet G.

 

We were laying on his bed resting one afternoon this week when he suddenly asked out of the blue, "Momma, why did Uncle Phil not want Granny to date Ed?" (Fresh Prince characters) I responded to his question telling him that Uncle Phil's dad had died shortly before and although his mother was lonely and was ready to spend time with someone else Uncle Phil was jealous of someone spending time with his mother. I asked G if he understood and his responses let me know he did not.

 

I decided he needed a more personal example to help him understand. I said, "Well, G, if something happened to Mommy and she died would you want Daddy to go on a date with another woman?" His speedy reply was, "Nothin's gonna happen to you." Okay, that didn't work so I decided to reverse the scenario. "If something happened to Daddy and he died would you be jealous if Mommy went on a date with someone else?" G's answer to this question was, "No, because if something happens to Daddy you are going to marry me."

 

My first point is that in his childish mind he can't even consider that God would allow anything to happen to the dearest person in his life. He has total faith in God. As he lies in bed at night he doesn't toss and turn worrying about whether or not God is going to protect him and his loved ones. He has yet to be touched by the cares of this world and remains totally free from the worries that most of us struggle with.

 

The second point that I see between the blog of my friend and the views of my Sweet G is this: their love for the most important woman in their life. For Sweet G I am still the most important woman in his world but someday in the future that will change and he will fall in love with someone who he will spend the rest of his life with. I pray that Sweet G and T will both find the love for a woman that my friend has for his beautiful wife. That kind of love is rare. I am blessed to say that I know exactly how my friend feels because I have shared that same kind of love with my Precious J for the past 28 years (26 married). In the end it doesn't matter how much money you make or what kind of lifestyle you live. The most important thing in life is love--to love and to be loved. That is my prayer for my boys.

 

When a Man Loves a Woman

Tonight I read a beautifully written post of an old friend. He is a worrier by his own definition and has recently been dealing with an issue that has had him turning himself inside out with agonizing concern; concern for someone who is dearer to him than his own life. As I read the post through my tears of joy at the life my friend has been blessed to live I couldn't help thinking of a recent conversation I had with Sweet G.

 

We were laying on his bed resting one afternoon this week when he suddenly asked out of the blue, "Momma, why did Uncle Phil not want Granny to date Ed?" (Fresh Prince characters) I responded to his question telling him that Uncle Phil's dad had died shortly before and although his mother was lonely and was ready to spend time with someone else Uncle Phil was jealous of someone spending time with his mother. I asked G if he understood and his responses let me know he did not.

 

I decided he needed a more personal example to help him understand. I said, "Well, G, if something happened to Mommy and she died would you want Daddy to go on a date with another woman?" His speedy reply was, "Nothin's gonna happen to you." Okay, that didn't work so I decided to reverse the scenario. "If something happened to Daddy and he died would you be jealous if Mommy went on a date with someone else?" G's answer to this question was, "No, because if something happens to Daddy you are going to marry me."

 

My first point is that in his childish mind he can't even consider that God would allow anything to happen to the dearest person in his life. He has total faith in God. As he lies in bed at night he doesn't toss and turn worrying about whether or not God is going to protect him and his loved ones. He has yet to be touched by the cares of this world and remains totally free from the worries that most of us struggle with.

 

The second point that I see between the blog of my friend and the views of my Sweet G is this: their love for the most important woman in their life. For Sweet G I am still the most important woman in his world but someday in the future that will change and he will fall in love with someone who he will spend the rest of his life with. I pray that Sweet G and T will both find the love for a woman that my friend has for his beautiful wife. That kind of love is rare. I am blessed to say that I know exactly how my friend feels because I have shared that same kind of love with my Precious J for the past 28 years (26 married). In the end it doesn't matter how much money you make or what kind of lifestyle you live. The most important thing in life is love--to love and to be loved. That is my prayer for my boys.

 

Happily Ever After

A little girl lies in bed. Her father is at her side. "What story would you like to hear tonight?" the father asks. He prays that it is not Cinderella because the story is such a long one. All the time he hopes but knows if his little princess asks for Cinderella then that is what he will read because he is unable to tell her no. Maybe she will choose another story instead. Sometimes it is Beauty and the Beast, The Three Sillies, Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar, or the Gingerbread Man. However, a lot of the time it is Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella that is chosen as the nightly story.

That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)

As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.

My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.

I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.

I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.

The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.

Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.

Once Upon a Time

Living Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After

A little girl lies in bed. Her father is at her side. "What story would you like to hear tonight?" the father asks. He prays that it is not Cinderella because the story is such a long one. All the time he hopes but knows if his little princess asks for Cinderella then that is what he will read because he is unable to tell her no. Maybe she will choose another story instead. Sometimes it is Beauty and the Beast, The Three Sillies, Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar, or the Gingerbread Man. However, a lot of the time it is Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Cinderella that is chosen as the nightly story.

That little girl was me. I spent every Saturday night with my dad when I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories was of our nightly bedtime stories. Sometimes I would beg for one story after another. I loved those times with my daddy. It was just me and him alone with no distractions. I loved falling asleep listening to the soothing sound of his voice as he read to me. Most nights I fell asleep during his reading but sometimes he was the one to fall asleep first. (I was paid back in full by my two boys and my nieces and nephews years later.)

As I said, my favorites were the fairy tales. Tales of princesses being rescued by Prince Charming. Of course they all ended with. . . and they lived happily ever after. Some critics say that these kind of stories should not be read to little girls. Their position is that girls need to be self-reliant and these stories make them victims. I am happy to say that I do not agree. Childhood is a time when life should be safe and carefree. There should be hope of living happily ever after. It does still happen. Granted it does not happen with the same frequency today that it once did but it still happens.

My parents were divorced when I was very young. In fact I don't remember them ever being together. Today I was thinking about that and wondering if because I only remember my mom and step dad's marriage has anything to do with the condition of my marriage and why it has lasted. The statistics are stacked against us since we both come from broken homes. I know it is not politically correct to use the term broken home but since I am the product of divorce and have had to endure all the trauma, embarrassment, and uncomfortable situations that come with it I feel that I am able to use my experiences to call it what it is.

I am not bashing those who have experienced divorce. I am not judging you. I can only bear witness to what divorce meant to me. I did have a wonderful childhood. I had a home with a mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. We lived in the country in a house filled with love. I also had a dad, and grandparents that I visited every weekend. Somehow though I was conflicted over my feelings when I was with one parent and missed the other. I was not living the fairy tale life that my daddy's stories described.

I don't know if it was the stories, the example of my mom and step dad's marriage, or simply an internal desire to live my own fairy tale that has driven me to live happily ever after. I was fortunate enough to meet Prince Charming. He truly is a prince if ever there was one. Our marriage is not perfect. I am not the perfect wife nor he the perfect husband. There have been many times over the years when each of us has thought, "what did I get myself into?" We have had our ups and downs and at times we have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love with each other to begin with.

The newness of love fades as time passes if you are not alert to the signs. Thankfully so far we have been on guard and instead of moving on to a "new love" as so many do we have made our "love new". Today is our 26th anniversary. We talked tonight before J slipped into his coma of sleep about how the years have flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were newlyweds and in a way we still are. I am thankful that God has kept His hand of protection on our marriage and I am proud to say that I am living my Happily Ever After.

Joey I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my reason for living. You truly are my better half and I cannot imagine living without you. You are my best friend, biggest fan, and my hero. Thank you for gracing my life for the past 28 years. You really are Prince Charming.

Once Upon a Time

Living Happily Ever After

Who I Am

Yesterday my pastor preached a sermon based on the life of Joseph from Genesis 37:1-11. The statement of his message that reached out and grabbed hold of my heart was this: "You have to know who you are to make it through difficult times." The reason it was so powerful to me is because I don't live like I know who I am. I live defeated, discouraged, and drowned in the worries of life way too often. I forget that I am a child of the King. I tend to forget what being adopted into the family of God means.

As my pastor pointed out in his sermon I am not JUST saved from an eternity in hell. Christ did not merely save me (which is more than I deserve or can comprehend), He adopted me into his family and made me a joint heir with Christ! I can testify that there is no difference between the love a parent has for their natural child and a child brought into the family through adoption. I actually forget at times that our Sweet G did not grow under my heart but instead he grew in it. He is mine as sure as T is mine. There is no difference. Sometimes I look into his face and see Joey and I in it. I believe the reason is because of my deep love for him. If I, a sinful human, can love so deeply and unconditionally how can I not know that God is capable of love that deep? My love for G does not depend on his actions or his worthiness. I love him because he is mine. Oh, how foolish I am to forget that I am God's precious child.

The things most people would consider flaws in my Sweet G are the things that I love the most about him. He has the sweetest freckled face that I have ever seen and I love pulling him onto my lap and memorizing the patterns they make while trying to see if there are more than there were the last time I looked. Because of G's disability we carry him often. When the path we are taking is too difficult for him to traverse or if the journey is long and he gets tired along the way we carry him. That is a perfect picture of our relationship to our Heavenly Father. He carries me when I am burdened with the things of this world. When I am afraid and unsure He takes me by the hand and gives me the confidence to carry on.

How foolish I am to so easily forget the love my Father has for me. He gave me a perfect illustration of His love when He allowed me the privilege of being a mother to first T and eventually G. They are mine and I love them no matter what. I may be disappointed when they make decisions that I don't agree with but that will never change the fact that they are mine and I will always love them and be here for them.

As I go to sleep tonight I do so with the realization that I am a child of the King. I am loved. I am accepted. I am adored and while I sleep He will sing over me.

Who I Am

Yesterday my pastor preached a sermon based on the life of Joseph from Genesis 37:1-11. The statement of his message that reached out and grabbed hold of my heart was this: "You have to know who you are to make it through difficult times." The reason it was so powerful to me is because I don't live like I know who I am. I live defeated, discouraged, and drowned in the worries of life way too often. I forget that I am a child of the King. I tend to forget what being adopted into the family of God means.

As my pastor pointed out in his sermon I am not JUST saved from an eternity in hell. Christ did not merely save me (which is more than I deserve or can comprehend), He adopted me into his family and made me a joint heir with Christ! I can testify that there is no difference between the love a parent has for their natural child and a child brought into the family through adoption. I actually forget at times that our Sweet G did not grow under my heart but instead he grew in it. He is mine as sure as T is mine. There is no difference. Sometimes I look into his face and see Joey and I in it. I believe the reason is because of my deep love for him. If I, a sinful human, can love so deeply and unconditionally how can I not know that God is capable of love that deep? My love for G does not depend on his actions or his worthiness. I love him because he is mine. Oh, how foolish I am to forget that I am God's precious child.

The things most people would consider flaws in my Sweet G are the things that I love the most about him. He has the sweetest freckled face that I have ever seen and I love pulling him onto my lap and memorizing the patterns they make while trying to see if there are more than there were the last time I looked. Because of G's disability we carry him often. When the path we are taking is too difficult for him to traverse or if the journey is long and he gets tired along the way we carry him. That is a perfect picture of our relationship to our Heavenly Father. He carries me when I am burdened with the things of this world. When I am afraid and unsure He takes me by the hand and gives me the confidence to carry on.

How foolish I am to so easily forget the love my Father has for me. He gave me a perfect illustration of His love when He allowed me the privilege of being a mother to first T and eventually G. They are mine and I love them no matter what. I may be disappointed when they make decisions that I don't agree with but that will never change the fact that they are mine and I will always love them and be here for them.

As I go to sleep tonight I do so with the realization that I am a child of the King. I am loved. I am accepted. I am adored and while I sleep He will sing over me.

If I Live to be 100

If God blesses me to live until I am 100 years old I will never understand why He deemed me worthy of being the mother of a child with a disability. Well, not just any child with a disability but specifically my Sweet G. As a young girl I had very little contact with anyone with special needs. In those days there were separate schools or at least separate rooms for children with disabilities.

The few times that I did encounter someone with a disabiltiy I was unsure of how I should act. I was uncomfortable and kind of afraid. Afraid of the unknown or unfamiliar. I even remember thinking to myself that if I had a child with a disability I could not love it or take care of it. I thought often about what people would think about me for giving up a child that I simply could not bring myself to love. I was young and had no idea what it is like to be given the heart of a mother and now I can't see how I ever doubted the power of a mother's love.

The older I get the more I marval at God's ways. He uses our experiences to mold us into the person we need to be for future experiences. I believe that God was preparing my heart all those years ago for what has become my life--the mother of a child with a disability. I find it almost comical that I worried about whether I would love my child, or any child for that matter simply because they are different. You see, I have come to believe that we are all disabled in one way or another.

Some disabilities are simply more evident than others. You can look at my Sweet G and see that something is different about him. You may not know what to call it but his disability is pretty evident to those around him. Other disabilities are even more profound than that of G while some disabilities are not seen right away. A person with auditory or visual disabilities may look "normal". The same is true for those with learning disabilities. Those disabilities hide beneath the surface until a veil is removed in order for us to see. But like I said before I feel that we are all flawed. There is no such thing as a perfect person and if you think that there is then that my friend may just be your disability.

God in His infinite wisdom chose me to be G's mom. Although I did not carry him and give birth to him I believe with all my heart that God planned for G to be mine before the beginning of time. Through Sweet G God has grown me into the person that I am. I have been stretched beyond anything I could have imagined. Even just 7 years ago if you had told me where life was taking me I would have been terrified. But God didn't tell me everything 7 years ago. He told me that G would have some issues the day that I found out I would be G's mother but in His still small voice I found peace. I knew that wherever God was leading me I would be okay because He had gone before me to prepare my path. So in faith I trusted that God's gifts are always good and perfect and I chose to trust Him with my future. I can honestly say that I have never really cried or been overwhelmed by my Sweet G's special needs. I haven't fretted and worried about whether or not he will walk or live independently some day. I just walk with Jesus each day knowing that His ways are far above anything I could ever imagine and trust that tomorrow will be okay because He will still be in control when I get there.

If I Live to be 100

If God blesses me to live until I am 100 years old I will never understand why He deemed me worthy of being the mother of a child with a disability. Well, not just any child with a disability but specifically my Sweet G. As a young girl I had very little contact with anyone with special needs. In those days there were separate schools or at least separate rooms for children with disabilities.

The few times that I did encounter someone with a disabiltiy I was unsure of how I should act. I was uncomfortable and kind of afraid. Afraid of the unknown or unfamiliar. I even remember thinking to myself that if I had a child with a disability I could not love it or take care of it. I thought often about what people would think about me for giving up a child that I simply could not bring myself to love. I was young and had no idea what it is like to be given the heart of a mother and now I can't see how I ever doubted the power of a mother's love.

The older I get the more I marval at God's ways. He uses our experiences to mold us into the person we need to be for future experiences. I believe that God was preparing my heart all those years ago for what has become my life--the mother of a child with a disability. I find it almost comical that I worried about whether I would love my child, or any child for that matter simply because they are different. You see, I have come to believe that we are all disabled in one way or another.

Some disabilities are simply more evident than others. You can look at my Sweet G and see that something is different about him. You may not know what to call it but his disability is pretty evident to those around him. Other disabilities are even more profound than that of G while some disabilities are not seen right away. A person with auditory or visual disabilities may look "normal". The same is true for those with learning disabilities. Those disabilities hide beneath the surface until a veil is removed in order for us to see. But like I said before I feel that we are all flawed. There is no such thing as a perfect person and if you think that there is then that my friend may just be your disability.

God in His infinite wisdom chose me to be G's mom. Although I did not carry him and give birth to him I believe with all my heart that God planned for G to be mine before the beginning of time. Through Sweet G God has grown me into the person that I am. I have been stretched beyond anything I could have imagined. Even just 7 years ago if you had told me where life was taking me I would have been terrified. But God didn't tell me everything 7 years ago. He told me that G would have some issues the day that I found out I would be G's mother but in His still small voice I found peace. I knew that wherever God was leading me I would be okay because He had gone before me to prepare my path. So in faith I trusted that God's gifts are always good and perfect and I chose to trust Him with my future. I can honestly say that I have never really cried or been overwhelmed by my Sweet G's special needs. I haven't fretted and worried about whether or not he will walk or live independently some day. I just walk with Jesus each day knowing that His ways are far above anything I could ever imagine and trust that tomorrow will be okay because He will still be in control when I get there.

Stranger

Stranger
by: Andrea Norton

I don't care if you have money
or if you're very poor.
Those things do not control whether
I knock upon your door.

I do not care about your race.
I choose the homes that I will grace.
When I decide where I will go
I don't have to let anyone know.

Boy or girl short or tall,
I don't care I like them all.
To each one I am unique,
You can hide but i will seek.

Sometimes you cannot see me
because i choose to hide.
But I am always lurking
hiding deep inside.

At other times I boldly stand
for everyone to see.
You don't have to give me money
I will come to you for free.

No one truly wants me
to come into their lives.
But I don't consider feelings
when I choose where I'll arrive.

Most people are afraid of me
and stare when I am near.
Some choose to look the other way
while others like to snear.

Those who know me know me well.
And they are not afraid.
They stand their ground where i'm concerned
their courage is not swayed.

I'm really not that scary
if you spend some time with me.
I make those who I live with
strong as any old oak tree.

You may wonder who I am
That is easy as can be
If you read between the lines
You'll see I am disability.

Stranger

Stranger
by: Andrea Norton

I don't care if you have money
or if you're very poor.
Those things do not control whether
I knock upon your door.

I do not care about your race.
I choose the homes that I will grace.
When I decide where I will go
I don't have to let anyone know.

Boy or girl short or tall,
I don't care I like them all.
To each one I am unique,
You can hide but i will seek.

Sometimes you cannot see me
because i choose to hide.
But I am always lurking
hiding deep inside.

At other times I boldly stand
for everyone to see.
You don't have to give me money
I will come to you for free.

No one truly wants me
to come into their lives.
But I don't consider feelings
when I choose where I'll arrive.

Most people are afraid of me
and stare when I am near.
Some choose to look the other way
while others like to snear.

Those who know me know me well.
And they are not afraid.
They stand their ground where i'm concerned
their courage is not swayed.

I'm really not that scary
if you spend some time with me.
I make those who I live with
strong as any old oak tree.

You may wonder who I am
That is easy as can be
If you read between the lines
You'll see I am disability.

A Time For Tears

Today we took our oldest son to college. I thought I had this all under control and was going to be just fine. Well, I am not okay. In fact I am the opposite of okay. I am what you would call a basket case. I have cried, I have had numerous panic attacks, and I have fought tears back so much that my facial muscles are cramping. I feel like I look like the Joker. My eyes are obviously swollen from all the crying because they feel very strange but I absolutely refuse to look into a mirror knowing that will only start the crying all over again when I see how pitiful I look.

It is funny how life works. My son was born 359 days after my sister's son. My son left for college today which just happened to be exactly 359 days after my sister's son left home last year. What are the chances of that happening? I know that them being a year apart that my son has typically followed a year behind the milestones of his cousin. It just makes sense. The fact that it worked out to the day on both those events is strange to me though.

We laughed at the parents of most of those students who were checking in at the same time T was. The athletic department volunteers thanked T numerous times on his limited amount of belongings that required being taken upstairs. The funny thing is that he took a refrigerator, microwave, computer, printer, several boxes with towels and linens, school supplies, dishes, books (he is a reader), and clothes. As I passed by several rooms in the dorm I could not suppress letting out a little laugh. Mothers were making beds and arranging the nests of their little birdies. Some of the rooms had so much in them that there was not room to walk. I don't know but I will give the benefit of the doubt to these people that their child will be staying for 17 weeks without coming home at all which required them to bring all that stuff. Summer clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe they packed everything they owned just in case they might need it. Who knows? Maybe we are the crazy ones. I am thinking maybe he forgot something. Does he have enough underwear and socks? Did he take shoes? I know he was wearing flip flops. . . what could we possibly have done wrong?

One sweet moment today came as we dropped T off at the dorm, pulled the van to a nearby parking lot and began our walk back to the dorm. We were walking along pushing Sweet G in his wheelchair when suddenly he said, "Is T going to be all alone? I don't want my brother to be all alone." My heart melted at that moment and if it weren't for the fact that God placed two beautiful and sweet young coeds on the curb directly across the street from where G made the statement I would have lost it right then and there. The girls were a distraction for me and their sweet expressions and tender smiles at G turned a tearful moment into a sweet blessing. G was concerned about his brother. In fact he offered to stay with him if T needed him to. T even had a little chuckle over that one but managed to politely refuse the offer. G did however try both the beds out before we left.

I am not sure what the coming days will bring. So far G has been my rock. He has loved on me and given me wise council. "Mommy are you crying again? Is it about T? I know Mommy I feel the same way. I miss T too." Oh how that boy blesses my heart. I don't know what I would do if God had not sent him into our lives. Well, I would probably be camped out somewhere in Carrolton right now. I am relieved that God placed my son directly beside the Resident Assistant in the building who seemed to be a very nice young man. So my Mommy fears are somewhat tempered by the placement of his room and by the roommate he was assigned. And please do not tell me any different because I have spent a lot of time creating my Marshmallow Fluff existence about this entire situation.

But life here goes on and tomorrow I will let another little birdie try out his wings as he soars into the first grade. I may seriously need some Botox to relax my face by mid morning. So, just in case you see me in the next few weeks be prepared. I have not had a stroke-yet. I have just turned loose of my first born child and my heart will take a while to mend.

A Time For Tears

Today we took our oldest son to college. I thought I had this all under control and was going to be just fine. Well, I am not okay. In fact I am the opposite of okay. I am what you would call a basket case. I have cried, I have had numerous panic attacks, and I have fought tears back so much that my facial muscles are cramping. I feel like I look like the Joker. My eyes are obviously swollen from all the crying because they feel very strange but I absolutely refuse to look into a mirror knowing that will only start the crying all over again when I see how pitiful I look.

It is funny how life works. My son was born 359 days after my sister's son. My son left for college today which just happened to be exactly 359 days after my sister's son left home last year. What are the chances of that happening? I know that them being a year apart that my son has typically followed a year behind the milestones of his cousin. It just makes sense. The fact that it worked out to the day on both those events is strange to me though.

We laughed at the parents of most of those students who were checking in at the same time T was. The athletic department volunteers thanked T numerous times on his limited amount of belongings that required being taken upstairs. The funny thing is that he took a refrigerator, microwave, computer, printer, several boxes with towels and linens, school supplies, dishes, books (he is a reader), and clothes. As I passed by several rooms in the dorm I could not suppress letting out a little laugh. Mothers were making beds and arranging the nests of their little birdies. Some of the rooms had so much in them that there was not room to walk. I don't know but I will give the benefit of the doubt to these people that their child will be staying for 17 weeks without coming home at all which required them to bring all that stuff. Summer clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe they packed everything they owned just in case they might need it. Who knows? Maybe we are the crazy ones. I am thinking maybe he forgot something. Does he have enough underwear and socks? Did he take shoes? I know he was wearing flip flops. . . what could we possibly have done wrong?

One sweet moment today came as we dropped T off at the dorm, pulled the van to a nearby parking lot and began our walk back to the dorm. We were walking along pushing Sweet G in his wheelchair when suddenly he said, "Is T going to be all alone? I don't want my brother to be all alone." My heart melted at that moment and if it weren't for the fact that God placed two beautiful and sweet young coeds on the curb directly across the street from where G made the statement I would have lost it right then and there. The girls were a distraction for me and their sweet expressions and tender smiles at G turned a tearful moment into a sweet blessing. G was concerned about his brother. In fact he offered to stay with him if T needed him to. T even had a little chuckle over that one but managed to politely refuse the offer. G did however try both the beds out before we left.

I am not sure what the coming days will bring. So far G has been my rock. He has loved on me and given me wise council. "Mommy are you crying again? Is it about T? I know Mommy I feel the same way. I miss T too." Oh how that boy blesses my heart. I don't know what I would do if God had not sent him into our lives. Well, I would probably be camped out somewhere in Carrolton right now. I am relieved that God placed my son directly beside the Resident Assistant in the building who seemed to be a very nice young man. So my Mommy fears are somewhat tempered by the placement of his room and by the roommate he was assigned. And please do not tell me any different because I have spent a lot of time creating my Marshmallow Fluff existence about this entire situation.

But life here goes on and tomorrow I will let another little birdie try out his wings as he soars into the first grade. I may seriously need some Botox to relax my face by mid morning. So, just in case you see me in the next few weeks be prepared. I have not had a stroke-yet. I have just turned loose of my first born child and my heart will take a while to mend.

Writer's Block

For a while I was pretty consistent with my blog. I had lots to write about and sometimes found it hard to decide which thing to write about. I have recently found myself in sort of a writing drought so to speak. To be truthful I have been in a personal drought as well which probably explains the lack of inspiration in writing. It isn't that Sweet G has not provided me with things to blog about because believe me he has been in rare form lately. I have simply been hormonal and in a state of depression over the passing of summer, my boys heading off to school, no job prospects, and a house remodel to top it all off.

I am still finding it hard to pin down exactly what it is that my blog is all about. Most blogs have a distinct purpose and I can't seem to find one for mine. I suppose it is a place for me to record my thoughts and feelings as well as document all the funny things G adds to my life.

The truth is that this blog is a great representation of my personality. I am a Gemini. The sign of the twins. I don't put a lot of stock in the whole astrology thing but I must admit that the description of a Gemini does fit me pretty well. I am very inquisitive, have a wide variety of interest, change my mind often and am sometimes totally unpredictable. I flip flop from one extreme to the other in lots of areas. I play devil's advocate to myself very often to the point of near insanity. I guess that is what has been up with my recent mood. I need to make decisions about flooring and even more serious things like the direction my life is going and I have been in shut down to avoid making any decision for fear of making the wrong ones.

So, maybe I am beginning to move out of my current depressed state and into a better state of mind. For now I will continue my current reading and word game obsessions and wait for the flip of my personality to emerge so that I can resume writing again.

Writer's Block

For a while I was pretty consistent with my blog. I had lots to write about and sometimes found it hard to decide which thing to write about. I have recently found myself in sort of a writing drought so to speak. To be truthful I have been in a personal drought as well which probably explains the lack of inspiration in writing. It isn't that Sweet G has not provided me with things to blog about because believe me he has been in rare form lately. I have simply been hormonal and in a state of depression over the passing of summer, my boys heading off to school, no job prospects, and a house remodel to top it all off.

I am still finding it hard to pin down exactly what it is that my blog is all about. Most blogs have a distinct purpose and I can't seem to find one for mine. I suppose it is a place for me to record my thoughts and feelings as well as document all the funny things G adds to my life.

The truth is that this blog is a great representation of my personality. I am a Gemini. The sign of the twins. I don't put a lot of stock in the whole astrology thing but I must admit that the description of a Gemini does fit me pretty well. I am very inquisitive, have a wide variety of interest, change my mind often and am sometimes totally unpredictable. I flip flop from one extreme to the other in lots of areas. I play devil's advocate to myself very often to the point of near insanity. I guess that is what has been up with my recent mood. I need to make decisions about flooring and even more serious things like the direction my life is going and I have been in shut down to avoid making any decision for fear of making the wrong ones.

So, maybe I am beginning to move out of my current depressed state and into a better state of mind. For now I will continue my current reading and word game obsessions and wait for the flip of my personality to emerge so that I can resume writing again.