Friday, April 29, 2011

When You Say Nothing At All

My precious husband how I adore you. I am lying here next to you and can't go to sleep because I am thinking about how you make me feel when you look into my eyes and tell me you love me without saying a word. I love the feeling of getting lost in your eyes and I hope I never get over it.

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/8216059" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=true&color=f793fc" width="100%" height="81" ]

When You Say Nothing At All

My precious husband how I adore you. I am lying here next to you and can't go to sleep because I am thinking about how you make me feel when you look into my eyes and tell me you love me without saying a word. I love the feeling of getting lost in your eyes and I hope I never get over it.

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/8216059" params="show_comments=true&auto_play=true&color=f793fc" width="100%" height="81" ]

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Elephant

Everything will be just fine.
It's gonna be okay.
Soon it will leave us,
But I know it's here to stay.

Ignore it and don't speak of it.
Pretend that all is right.
Keep your thoughts inside your head
Don't dare let them take flight.

The weight of it is heavy
as it sits upon my chest
I know the elephant exists
so why don't all the rest?

It's enormous size fills the room
and we try to coexist
the truth is that it's here to stay
no matter how much we resist.

Elephant

Everything will be just fine.
It's gonna be okay.
Soon it will leave us,
But I know it's here to stay.

Ignore it and don't speak of it.
Pretend that all is right.
Keep your thoughts inside your head
Don't dare let them take flight.

The weight of it is heavy
as it sits upon my chest
I know the elephant exists
so why don't all the rest?

It's enormous size fills the room
and we try to coexist
the truth is that it's here to stay
no matter how much we resist.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Just the Four of Us

Last Friday the whole family loaded up in the van and headed to West Georgia with T. He had forgotten something he needed over the weekend so we decided it would be a fun adventure to make the trip together instead of him going back alone.

Sweet G wanted to see T's dorm room but it is against the rules for children under 12 years old to be in the building. Did that stop us? No! Did the fact that T's room is on the second floor of a building with no elevator stop us even though one of us requires the use of a wheelchair? No!

You may ask how you get someone in a wheelchair to the second floor of a building without an elevator. That would definitely have been a question I would have asked before becoming G's Mom. The answer is simple (sort of). You carry him. But being in a college dorm made even that tricky. We would typically leave the chair at the foot of the stairs but knowing how crazy college kids can be we thought a cute red wheelchair with tricked out blinking lights might not be safe alone. We carried it up the stairs, too. Remember, Sweet G isn't supposed to be there so we are trying desperately and unsuccessfully to suppress his excited chattering and laughter.

We did make it in and out without getting caught and we finally met T's roommate we were beginning to think didn't exist. After lugging G and his chair back outside we spent some time walking around campus before heading home.

Back in the car and on our way home T asked to stop at a convenience store to use the restroom. While pulling in and trying to decide what everyone wanted to drink G announces that he wants a bannana milkshake from Sonic. We decide to go ther after T gets back from the restroom. He goes into the store but immediately returns because there was not a public restroom. As he is buckling up his seatbelt Sweet G (in his most sincere voice) says, "T, are you sure you can hold it, because we don't need you peeing in the car," then bursts into fits of laughter. We all had a good laugh at that one.

It is funny how impromptu events like that one can turn out to be such great experiences and things we spend lots of time and money on can be so disappointing. It was a simple trip to pick up a forgotten item but it turned into a great family adventure. I dread the day that trips like that stop forever. I wonder how many more we will share with all four of us together? I know that soon there will be only three of us again and the days of having us all together will fade away. For now I treasure every opportunity for us to be together as a complete family unit, even if it is just a ride to pick up a forgotten item.

Just the Four of Us

Last Friday the whole family loaded up in the van and headed to West Georgia with T. He had forgotten something he needed over the weekend so we decided it would be a fun adventure to make the trip together instead of him going back alone.

Sweet G wanted to see T's dorm room but it is against the rules for children under 12 years old to be in the building. Did that stop us? No! Did the fact that T's room is on the second floor of a building with no elevator stop us even though one of us requires the use of a wheelchair? No!

You may ask how you get someone in a wheelchair to the second floor of a building without an elevator. That would definitely have been a question I would have asked before becoming G's Mom. The answer is simple (sort of). You carry him. But being in a college dorm made even that tricky. We would typically leave the chair at the foot of the stairs but knowing how crazy college kids can be we thought a cute red wheelchair with tricked out blinking lights might not be safe alone. We carried it up the stairs, too. Remember, Sweet G isn't supposed to be there so we are trying desperately and unsuccessfully to suppress his excited chattering and laughter.

We did make it in and out without getting caught and we finally met T's roommate we were beginning to think didn't exist. After lugging G and his chair back outside we spent some time walking around campus before heading home.

Back in the car and on our way home T asked to stop at a convenience store to use the restroom. While pulling in and trying to decide what everyone wanted to drink G announces that he wants a bannana milkshake from Sonic. We decide to go ther after T gets back from the restroom. He goes into the store but immediately returns because there was not a public restroom. As he is buckling up his seatbelt Sweet G (in his most sincere voice) says, "T, are you sure you can hold it, because we don't need you peeing in the car," then bursts into fits of laughter. We all had a good laugh at that one.

It is funny how impromptu events like that one can turn out to be such great experiences and things we spend lots of time and money on can be so disappointing. It was a simple trip to pick up a forgotten item but it turned into a great family adventure. I dread the day that trips like that stop forever. I wonder how many more we will share with all four of us together? I know that soon there will be only three of us again and the days of having us all together will fade away. For now I treasure every opportunity for us to be together as a complete family unit, even if it is just a ride to pick up a forgotten item.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Haircut

Last night I gave my husband a haircut. He likes to keep his hair pretty short and typically asks me to cut it several times before we are able to get around to cutting it. We had just finished a few projects around the house and since I had the vacuum hose out I decided to offer to cut his hair. He quickly took me up on the offer. He went into to wash his hair before I cut it in order to get rid of a bad case hat hair caused from wearing a baseball cap all day.

I wanted to give him the total salon experience so I followed him into the bathroom and asked if I could help him wash his hair. He knelt in the floor and held his head over the bathtub as I used the sprayer to wet and wash his hair. I was so happy to be able to give him a haircut without him having to ask for weeks until I found time to cut it.

We went into the living room where a wooden chair and the clippers were waiting. I started cutting with a shorter guard than I typically use because he likes his hair shorter than I like it. I was going for all the great wife bonus points. The clippers glided smoothly across his head as I cut the sides and the back. I was going for a high and tight like the haircuts he got when we were first married and he was in the reserves and ROTC.

A smile crept across my face as I cut. I knew that this act of kindness as simple as it was meant so much to my precious husband. After finishing up the back and sides it was time to change guards to do the top. I looked into the case and quickly spotted the guard marked 3 and snapped it onto the clippers. With one smooth stroke I ran the clippers across the top of his head. Something didn't look right. I let out an audible gasp as I quickly jerked the clippers around and saw that the guard I had used did have a 3 on it but was followed by mm. In the center of the guard was the number 1. I had used the next to smallest guard on the top of his head. It was shorter on top than it was on the sides.

My heart sunk! I felt panic and humiliation rushing in on me like a flood. Joey immediately began to comfort me. He said, "You finally cut it the way I like it. It really feels great already. I am happy so don't be upset."

I almost cried but his continual praise and encouragement helped me overcome the tragedy and when I looked into his eyes I could only laugh and apologize. I have learned over the years that mishaps turn out to be the best memories so I am learning to see the humor in things as they happen instead of beating myself up over my mistakes.

I want you to understand that my laughter was not a sign that I didn't care about what I had just done to my sweet husband. I still feel bad about it. I explained to him that I laughed because I could cut one of his ears off accidentally and he would say, "I am so glad you did that. I have always wanted to have only one ear. I really think it looks good, don't you?"

He really would, he's just that sweet. I know, it's sickening how he always tries to protect me but I truly am thankful. I love that man more every second that I live.

I thought it was strange that our oldest son didn't acknowledge his dad's extreme haircut when he came home. I figured that he had and that Joey was just telling me he didn't to save my feelings. This afternoon I asked T if he noticed his dad's hair and he smiled a sweet smile and said, "I was told not to say anything, he sent me a text last night while I was at work telling me what happened and warning me to keep silent."

I really did marry prince charming. He is my best friend, my biggest fan, and my most devoted defender. He did manage to curb any remarks from Trey but even he can't silence Sweet G. I kept hearing this little voice ringing through the house, "Daddy, you're bald. You've got a bald head." It was always followed by whispers and sushes. Well, it may be short but at least it will grow back. I sure am sorry honey.

The Haircut

Last night I gave my husband a haircut. He likes to keep his hair pretty short and typically asks me to cut it several times before we are able to get around to cutting it. We had just finished a few projects around the house and since I had the vacuum hose out I decided to offer to cut his hair. He quickly took me up on the offer. He went into to wash his hair before I cut it in order to get rid of a bad case hat hair caused from wearing a baseball cap all day.

I wanted to give him the total salon experience so I followed him into the bathroom and asked if I could help him wash his hair. He knelt in the floor and held his head over the bathtub as I used the sprayer to wet and wash his hair. I was so happy to be able to give him a haircut without him having to ask for weeks until I found time to cut it.

We went into the living room where a wooden chair and the clippers were waiting. I started cutting with a shorter guard than I typically use because he likes his hair shorter than I like it. I was going for all the great wife bonus points. The clippers glided smoothly across his head as I cut the sides and the back. I was going for a high and tight like the haircuts he got when we were first married and he was in the reserves and ROTC.

A smile crept across my face as I cut. I knew that this act of kindness as simple as it was meant so much to my precious husband. After finishing up the back and sides it was time to change guards to do the top. I looked into the case and quickly spotted the guard marked 3 and snapped it onto the clippers. With one smooth stroke I ran the clippers across the top of his head. Something didn't look right. I let out an audible gasp as I quickly jerked the clippers around and saw that the guard I had used did have a 3 on it but was followed by mm. In the center of the guard was the number 1. I had used the next to smallest guard on the top of his head. It was shorter on top than it was on the sides.

My heart sunk! I felt panic and humiliation rushing in on me like a flood. Joey immediately began to comfort me. He said, "You finally cut it the way I like it. It really feels great already. I am happy so don't be upset."

I almost cried but his continual praise and encouragement helped me overcome the tragedy and when I looked into his eyes I could only laugh and apologize. I have learned over the years that mishaps turn out to be the best memories so I am learning to see the humor in things as they happen instead of beating myself up over my mistakes.

I want you to understand that my laughter was not a sign that I didn't care about what I had just done to my sweet husband. I still feel bad about it. I explained to him that I laughed because I could cut one of his ears off accidentally and he would say, "I am so glad you did that. I have always wanted to have only one ear. I really think it looks good, don't you?"

He really would, he's just that sweet. I know, it's sickening how he always tries to protect me but I truly am thankful. I love that man more every second that I live.

I thought it was strange that our oldest son didn't acknowledge his dad's extreme haircut when he came home. I figured that he had and that Joey was just telling me he didn't to save my feelings. This afternoon I asked T if he noticed his dad's hair and he smiled a sweet smile and said, "I was told not to say anything, he sent me a text last night while I was at work telling me what happened and warning me to keep silent."

I really did marry prince charming. He is my best friend, my biggest fan, and my most devoted defender. He did manage to curb any remarks from Trey but even he can't silence Sweet G. I kept hearing this little voice ringing through the house, "Daddy, you're bald. You've got a bald head." It was always followed by whispers and sushes. Well, it may be short but at least it will grow back. I sure am sorry honey.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Plans and Grace

A few weeks ago we took Sweet G to a Neuropsychologist for an evaluation. As I look back, I don't know what I expected or hoped the doctor would be able to do for us and now that we have the results of the testing and the multipage list of suggestions as to how to deal with their findings I am not sure how I exactly feel about it.

Life has been moving at warp speed to me for the past six months or so. There have been more changes in my life in the past year than in the 10 years prior. I feel like that piece of clay on the potters wheel again. The master is kneading me and gathering the pieces back together. He places me back on the wheel as it moves faster and faster. At first I am off center and I wobble around a lot. Then His hands take a firm grip on me as He begins to center me once again.

This doctor was able to explain more about how Sweet G's cerebral palsy affects him cognitively. There is no quick easy label or magical cure. That is a disappointment. She did, however, confirm things I have said for years to professionals about how I feel G's CP affects his ability to concentrate and learn. We were provided with a long list of ways to make G's instruction more productive some of which I have already been doing.

I now need to make a plan and stick to it. Lesson plans, oh, how I hate you. I hated you when I was in school and I hate you even more now. I tended to be a bit of a relaxed homeschooler with T. We read and discussed lots of literature and never used a graphic organizer. Would they have helped-maybe but at the time I didn't even know what they were. T did wonderfully with that method of homeschooling but that won't work for Sweet G. Boxed curriculum won't work either. It is going to take me digging, searching, and planning. I do have vague lesson plans already but I need to step up my game.

Although we did receive some answers we were still left with unknowns. I shouldn't be surprised by that. God is continually showing me that I don't need to know everything. He gives me the grace I need for each day and wont give me another portion of grace for tomorrow until the morning. So I think I'll go to sleep now so he can calm my spirit and refill my tank with grace.

Plans and Grace

A few weeks ago we took Sweet G to a Neuropsychologist for an evaluation. As I look back, I don't know what I expected or hoped the doctor would be able to do for us and now that we have the results of the testing and the multipage list of suggestions as to how to deal with their findings I am not sure how I exactly feel about it.

Life has been moving at warp speed to me for the past six months or so. There have been more changes in my life in the past year than in the 10 years prior. I feel like that piece of clay on the potters wheel again. The master is kneading me and gathering the pieces back together again. He places me back on the wheel as it moves faster and faster. At first I am off center and I wobble around a lot. Then His hands take a firm grip on me as He begins to center me once again.

This doctor was able to explain more about how Sweet G's cerebral palsy affects him cognitively. There is no quick easy label or magical cure. That is a disappointment. She did, however, confirm things I have said for years to professionals about how I feel G's CP affects his ability to concentrate and learn. We were provided with a long list of ways to make G's instruction more productive some of which I have already been doing.

I now need to make a plan and stick to it. Lesson plans, oh, how I hate you. I hated you when I was in school and I hate you even more now. I tended to be a bit of a relaxed homeschooler with T. We read and discussed lots of literature and never used a graphic organizer. Would they have helped-maybe but at the time I didn't even know what they were. T did wonderfully with that method of homeschooling but that won't work for Sweet G. Boxed curriculum won't work either. It is going to take me digging, searching, and planning. I do have vague lesson plans already but I need to step up my game.

Although we did receive some answers we were still left with unknowns. I shouldn't be surprised by that. God is continually showing me that I don't need to know everything. He gives me the grace I need for each day and wont give me another portion of grace for tomorrow until the morning. So I think I'll go to sleep now so he can calm my spirit and refill my tank with grace.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Reading and Writing, Arithmetic Taught to the Tune of an iPad?

Today was a good day. The sun was shining as a warm breeze blew. Sweet G and I sat at the kitchen table doing school with the back door open letting the glory of springtime fill the house.

I am amazed at the progress Sweet G is making since we bought the iPad for him. He sits and "plays" on it for hours. Today he worked on two new apps we bought over the weekend. One of the apps helps with phonics. The iPad calls out a word, gives three boxes for the child to put the correct spelling in, and calls the individual sounds of each letter. This has always been a very difficult thing for G but today he amazed me with the ease he displayed while using the app. He also played with an app using sight words. It has 1000 most commonly used words in the English language. G worked through the first list today and loved it.

G also worked on a math mastery app. He was practicing adding one to the numbers one through ten. This has been a difficult area for G also. I noticed that as we were playing it together that G kept looking up. I knew what he was doing immediately. He was using the hundred number chart to get his answers. Some may think that is cheating but I don't. He is learning to use tools to assist him. I didn't tell him to do it, he just made the connection and saw what adding one means.

Teachers in the past have said he is incapable of doing any of this work. Psychologists have given us some very bleak predictions as well. Independence was one of the main goals of the school system for G but they were never able to help him achieve it. A $1,000.00 piece of technology has opened up the world of learning to G. Independence is no longer an issue. I tell him which activities he is assigned and he completes them. He always goes above and beyond what I have planned for the day.

G never fails to watch a Brain Pop video. Most of them are far more advanced than he needs but he watches them and he learns. Yesterday he watched one on autism without me. He told me afterwards that they talked a lot about brains. Today the video was about Maya Angelou. He learned that she read one of her poems at President Clinton's inauguration, that she had a hard childhood, and about the effect segregation had on her life. G made the connection of Maya Angelou and segregation to the movie, Driving Miss Daisy, that we watched on Saturday. "That's why the man couldn't use the bathroom at the service station isn't it Momma?"

He is one smart little boy. There is so much potential just waiting for a way to come out but trapped somehow. $1,000.00 is nothing compared to the cost of most of G's technology needs but just look how much it has already accomplished. I am excited about the things that little boy is going to do! Lord, use him to confound those who look at him and only see limitations. Glorify yourself through the achievements of our Sweet G.

Reading and Writing, Arithmetic Taught to the Tune of an iPad?

Today was a good day. The sun was shining as a warm breeze blew. Sweet G and I sat at the kitchen table doing school with the back door open letting the glory of springtime fill the house.

I am amazed at the progress Sweet G is making since we bought the iPad for him. He sits and "plays" on it for hours. Today he worked on two new apps we bought over the weekend. One of the apps helps with phonics. The iPad calls out a word, gives three boxes for the child to put the correct spelling in, and calls the individual sounds of each letter. This has always been a very difficult thing for G but today he amazed me with the ease he displayed while using the app. He also played with an app using sight words. It has 1000 most commonly used words in the English language. G worked through the first list today and loved it.

G also worked on a math mastery app. He was practicing adding one to the numbers one through ten. This has been a difficult area for G also. I noticed that as we were playing it together that G kept looking up. I knew what he was doing immediately. He was using the hundred number chart to get his answers. Some may think that is cheating but I don't. He is learning to use tools to assist him. I didn't tell him to do it, he just made the connection and saw what adding one means.

Teachers in the past have said he is incapable of doing any of this work. Psychologists have given us some very bleak predictions as well. Independence was one of the main goals of the school system for G but they were never able to help him achieve it. A $1,000.00 piece of technology has opened up the world of learning to G. Independence is no longer an issue. I tell him which activities he is assigned and he completes them. He always goes above and beyond what I have planned for the day.

G never fails to watch a Brain Pop video. Most of them are far more advanced than he needs but he watches them and he learns. Yesterday he watched one on autism without me. He told me afterwards that they talked a lot about brains. Today the video was about Maya Angelou. He learned that she read one of her poems at President Clinton's inauguration, that she had a hard childhood, and about the effect segregation had on her life. G made the connection of Maya Angelou and segregation to the movie, Driving Miss Daisy, that we watched on Saturday. "That's why the man couldn't use the bathroom at the service station isn't it Momma?"

He is one smart little boy. There is so much potential just waiting for a way to come out but trapped somehow. $1,000.00 is nothing compared to the cost of most of G's technology needs but just look how much it has already accomplished. I am excited about the things that little boy is going to do! Lord, use him to confound those who look at him and only see limitations. Glorify yourself through the achievements of our Sweet G.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Karaoke King

One thing I love about my Sweet G is his gregarious personality. He is not the least bit shy in front of a crowd, in fact that is usually when he is his boldest which scares me to death. I just never know what is going to come out of that cute little boy because most eight year olds haven't mastered the social skills expected when speaking in front of a group and Sweet G is at the top of his game when he has a captive audience. In fact, he has been performing for his therapists, his fellow patients, and their parents for years now. He loves to be cheered and is not shy about telling you he expects it.

Tonight we made plans to meet some great friends at a local Mexican restaurant that has Karaoke on Saturday nights. The evening started out pretty much like many other times we have taken G there but everything changed the minute our friend D sang his first song. Sweet G went wild! He started requesting songs for D to sing for him. G eventually asked D's daughter E to sing "Look It Up" with him. This is when the panic started rising in me. They took the stage and someone handed G a microphone. My heart was pounding because we all know that one of two things happens when you give a kid a microphone; they either freeze up and won't make a sound or they cut loose and totally embarrass their parents. The song started and all I heard was E as she sang the first few bars of the song. Then slowly G began to sing some of the words. His eyes met mine as he sang his favorite line in the song, "The word is easy, look it up, And you'll see a picture of that piece of trash Ridin' 'round in your pickup truck". A huge grin covered his face and I knew he was hooked and that I was headed for some good stories and some wonderful memories.

A little later in the night D and his daughter E went up to sing a duet. Before we knew what was happening G unlocked the brakes on his chair and headed for the stage as fast as he could roll. He stopped, looked back and said, "Daddy, help me get up there cause I'm gonna sing with D." G didn't ask if he could join the group. He just rolled himself right up beside them and the man running the Karaoke handed G a microphone. They were singing "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. It was amazing. Sweet G sang almost every word. He sang on key and even put in the oooo's that D and E left out. I was so proud of my little boy. He sang all those words from memory.

We have been told in the past by some experts that G has an IQ score that is well below what we know is possible. Anyone would know that the score he was given is absurd if they had a single conversation with him, but we are just irrational parents that can't see their child's limitations. He is a very intelligent and talented little boy. The problem that the psychologists have is that they can't understand what doesn't fit into the little box of what they think is normal.

Sweet G is not normal. He is not ordinary. When God created G he took something ordinary and gave it a little extra. G is extraordinary, out of the box, bigger than life, moonbeams and sunshine, with a lot of glitter on top. Oh, how I love that boy! My shining star came wheeling back to our table glowing with pride as everyone in the room cheered for him. If you ever need something to smile about just come see G sing Karaoke. I think he plans on making regular appearances from now on because I overheard him telling the man who owns the Karaoke equipment to get the song "Raymond" so he can sing it the next time he comes. ;0)

Karaoke King

One thing I love about my Sweet G is his gregarious personality. He is not the least bit shy in front of a crowd, in fact that is usually when he is his boldest which scares me to death. I just never know what is going to come out of that cute little boy because most eight year olds haven't mastered the social skills expected when speaking in front of a group and Sweet G is at the top of his game when he has a captive audience. In fact, he has been performing for his therapists, his fellow patients, and their parents for years now. He loves to be cheered and is not shy about telling you he expects it.

Tonight we made plans to meet some great friends at a local Mexican restaurant that has Karaoke on Saturday nights. The evening started out pretty much like many other times we have taken G there but everything changed the minute our friend D sang his first song. Sweet G went wild! He started requesting songs for D to sing for him. G eventually asked D's daughter E to sing "Look It Up" with him. This is when the panic started rising in me. They took the stage and someone handed G a microphone. My heart was pounding because we all know that one of two things happens when you give a kid a microphone; they either freeze up and won't make a sound or they cut loose and totally embarrass their parents. The song started and all I heard was E as she sang the first few bars of the song. Then slowly G began to sing some of the words. His eyes met mine as he sang his favorite line in the song, "The word is easy, look it up, And you'll see a picture of that piece of trash Ridin' 'round in your pickup truck". A huge grin covered his face and I knew he was hooked and that I was headed for some good stories and some wonderful memories.

A little later in the night D and his daughter E went up to sing a duet. Before we knew what was happening G unlocked the brakes on his chair and headed for the stage as fast as he could roll. He stopped, looked back and said, "Daddy, help me get up there cause I'm gonna sing with D." G didn't ask if he could join the group. He just rolled himself right up beside them and the man running the Karaoke handed G a microphone. They were singing "Back to December" by Taylor Swift. It was amazing. Sweet G sang almost every word. He sang on key and even put in the oooo's that D and E left out. I was so proud of my little boy. He sang all those words from memory.

We have been told in the past by some experts that G has an IQ score that is well below what we know is possible. Anyone would know that the score he was given is absurd if they had a single conversation with him, but we are just irrational parents that can't see their child's limitations. He is a very intelligent and talented little boy. The problem that the psychologists have is that they can't understand what doesn't fit into the little box of what they think is normal.

Sweet G is not normal. He is not ordinary. When God created G he took something ordinary and gave it a little extra. G is extraordinary, out of the box, bigger than life, moonbeams and sunshine, with a lot of glitter on top. Oh, how I love that boy! My shining star came wheeling back to our table glowing with pride as everyone in the room cheered for him. If you ever need something to smile about just come see G sing Karaoke. I think he plans on making regular appearances from now on because I overheard him telling the man who owns the Karaoke equipment to get the song "Raymond" so he can sing it the next time he comes. ;0)