Several years ago I discovered the tradition of the Jesse Tree, a tradition of using ornaments that represent the people, prophesies, and events leading up to the promised Savior. This has been life changing for me.
I am one of those people who struggle emotionally at Christmas. I stress over choosing gifts that I think others will like, I worry about finances, I become irritated as stores become crowded with holiday shoppers. I simply didn't enjoy Christmas for many, many years.
Thankfully, I discovered the Jesse Tree. The first year I created ornaments out of Shrinky Dinks to hang on a little wooden tree. I used a guide that I found online and each night we read the corresponding scripture and hung the ornament on our tree. It was simple but effective. I felt a weight being lifted off of me as Christmas approached and I found myself actually enjoying Christmas for the first time in years.
Each year our ornaments have been improved a little and we've used different reading plans, some with devotions to accompany the scriptures each day.
Last year I purchased The Greatest Gift by Ann Vonskamp. I have to say this is one of the best purchases I've ever made. This book is beautifully written and the daily devotions that go along with the scriptures helped me focus on the true meaning of Christmas, the promise of a Savior. I can honestly say that last year was the best Christmas I have had in years.
My circumstances didn't change. There was the ever present traffic that comes along on Black Friday and hangs around with us until the New Year, the stores were crowded with shoppers, I had a full schedule of events that surround Christmas, the indecision of holiday gifts still plagued me and yet, my heart was at peace. The things surrounding me weren't changed, I was. My heart was prepared for my Savior.
This year I decided to share my secret with others. I am hosting a Jesse Tree Ornament Swap. I started very late and haven't found the required number of participants but I have adapted the plan so that we can still complete the swap. This year I have 7 friends each making 8 copies of 3 different ornaments in the set, and I will be making the remaining 4 ornaments in the set.
I am very excited about this event. It's added one more thing to my already full plate but somehow it is already making life easier. I'm busier than ever but more intently focused on Christ. That is the magic of the Jesse Tree. Each day we are focused on Jesus and that makes all the difference in the world.
I hope you find a way to focus your heart more intently on Christ this holiday season. Don't forget to stop, step back, and make time to spend with The Lord during this busy time of year. I promise, you won't regret it.
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Friday, November 21, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Revelations
Wow! Today has been a big God day and He has revealed so much to me. It's probably because I have spent more time with Him in recent days and have contemplated some things that I've read about and heard from others. I recently finished reading the book What She Left For Me by Tracie Peterson. It's a story about a woman who is abandoned by her a husband who is a pastor. I've also been reading the book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge.
Captivating has pulled me into its pages in a way that I have not experienced before. In fact, I started reading it a couple of years ago with a group of women from church and didn't get very far before I gave up. It just didn't speak to me at the time but now I can't put it down. I read and reread each chapter, underlining, marking and highlighting almost every word. I am so excited to meet with a group of young women each week to discuss it. It has already brought me so much understanding into the mind and heart of women in two chapters!
I recently heard a story that reminded me of the events in Tracie Peterson's book as well as the teaching in Captivating. John and Stasi Eldredge explain that a woman has a God-given desire to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable part in a great adventure and that every woman has a beauty to unveil. In the counterpart book for men, Wild at Heart, John describes a man's basic needs as wanting a battle to fight, a longing for adventure, and that he longs for a beauty to rescue. Satan wants nothing more than to twist those desires into something perverse and sinful. We have to be vigilant in keeping watch over our marriages to make sure to prevent Satan from gaining a foothold in our lives. It is so easy for satan to take a man's desire to rescue and twist it so that he believes it's a husband's place to rescue a woman besides his wife. It's equally as easy for a woman to see the wrong man as her rescuer.
Our small group started studying Guardrails by Andy Stanley the last time we met. He talks about the importance of setting up guard rails in our lives so that when we encounter them they are a danger sign that we are close to sinning. If only we were always so careful to do that, but unfortunately we aren't. We allow ourselves to be put into positions that are potentially dangerous and without that guard rail we can so easily slip into the abyss of sin.
In the book What She Left for Me the Pastor put himself in a situation where he was counseling a woman alone. He should have had a guard rail that he never met or counseled a woman alone. It started innocently but his desire to rescue paired with her desire to be seen and romanced was a lethal mixture in their marriages and soon they were seeking these things from each other instead of from their own spouses as God intended.
As I was riding in my car this afternoon I began to think about these things. A woman's desire to be pursued is an attribute of God. He wants to be pursued by His children. I thought about how easily it is for us to get that mixed up in our earthly relationships and thought about how devastating it would be to me if my husband sought after another woman more than he does me. I would be crushed. Then I realized that I do that to God everyday. My most important relationship should be with Him! The person I long to spend the most time with should be Jesus, not my husband, my children, or my friends. He desires to be pursued by me! What an awesome thought! The Creator of the universe desires me to seek Him out.
It is my prayer that as I continue in these studies that I am ever mindful of the role I give God in my life. I adore my husband but he cannot hold first place in my life. That place is for a God alone. My children need me and desire my attention but not like that of my Creator. God help me get the right balance in my life. Help me put You in the place of importance You alone deserve. Help me to seek You above ALL things.
Captivating has pulled me into its pages in a way that I have not experienced before. In fact, I started reading it a couple of years ago with a group of women from church and didn't get very far before I gave up. It just didn't speak to me at the time but now I can't put it down. I read and reread each chapter, underlining, marking and highlighting almost every word. I am so excited to meet with a group of young women each week to discuss it. It has already brought me so much understanding into the mind and heart of women in two chapters!
I recently heard a story that reminded me of the events in Tracie Peterson's book as well as the teaching in Captivating. John and Stasi Eldredge explain that a woman has a God-given desire to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable part in a great adventure and that every woman has a beauty to unveil. In the counterpart book for men, Wild at Heart, John describes a man's basic needs as wanting a battle to fight, a longing for adventure, and that he longs for a beauty to rescue. Satan wants nothing more than to twist those desires into something perverse and sinful. We have to be vigilant in keeping watch over our marriages to make sure to prevent Satan from gaining a foothold in our lives. It is so easy for satan to take a man's desire to rescue and twist it so that he believes it's a husband's place to rescue a woman besides his wife. It's equally as easy for a woman to see the wrong man as her rescuer.
Our small group started studying Guardrails by Andy Stanley the last time we met. He talks about the importance of setting up guard rails in our lives so that when we encounter them they are a danger sign that we are close to sinning. If only we were always so careful to do that, but unfortunately we aren't. We allow ourselves to be put into positions that are potentially dangerous and without that guard rail we can so easily slip into the abyss of sin.
In the book What She Left for Me the Pastor put himself in a situation where he was counseling a woman alone. He should have had a guard rail that he never met or counseled a woman alone. It started innocently but his desire to rescue paired with her desire to be seen and romanced was a lethal mixture in their marriages and soon they were seeking these things from each other instead of from their own spouses as God intended.
As I was riding in my car this afternoon I began to think about these things. A woman's desire to be pursued is an attribute of God. He wants to be pursued by His children. I thought about how easily it is for us to get that mixed up in our earthly relationships and thought about how devastating it would be to me if my husband sought after another woman more than he does me. I would be crushed. Then I realized that I do that to God everyday. My most important relationship should be with Him! The person I long to spend the most time with should be Jesus, not my husband, my children, or my friends. He desires to be pursued by me! What an awesome thought! The Creator of the universe desires me to seek Him out.
It is my prayer that as I continue in these studies that I am ever mindful of the role I give God in my life. I adore my husband but he cannot hold first place in my life. That place is for a God alone. My children need me and desire my attention but not like that of my Creator. God help me get the right balance in my life. Help me put You in the place of importance You alone deserve. Help me to seek You above ALL things.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
You Can Only Sit on the Fence For So Long
Today has been a turning point for me. My pastor has been preaching a series on the book of Nehemiah over the last few weeks which he finished up today. Through these sermons God has shown me that I have allowed some of my protective walls to decay. I have let things come between me and my relationship with Christ. I have gradually become desensitized to sin in my life and those around me.
One of my favorite movie quotes comes from the movie Remember the Titans. When the team captain sees that one of his best friends purposefully stepped aside and refused to block for one
of his teammates he goes to the coach. One of this coach's rules is that nobody who wants to play will be cut. When Gary, the team captain, speaks to the coach about cutting his friend Ray from the team the coach reminds Gary of his rule. Gary replies to Coach Boone, "Sometimes you gotta cut a man loose." The coach replies, "You are the team captain. You make the call but remember you've got to stand behind your decision."
I have had a lot of difficult decisions to make. I had to decide whether I was still playing on my old team or on my Daddy's team. (the new coach calls himself that early in the movie) I struggled with trying to remain loyal to the old team while at the same time being loyal to my Daddy's team. Jesus warned us that we would have to face tough choices sometimes. I have been straddling the fence for a while now and just decided it is past time I jump onto one side or the other. I found a photo that perfectly exemplifies how I have felt for a long time. Here it is, I hope you get a laugh out of it.
href="http://sweetpea0944.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/20110330-092020.jpg">
<a
35 For I have come to turn
“‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’[a]
37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me."
<a
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Climbing Out On the Crashing Waves
A little boy sits crying because he can't be in the sack race. Tears create streaks down his dirty little cheeks as the wash away the dust from a hot summer day. "Why can't I be in the race?" he sobs.
"Buddy, you just can't be in the race," his mother answers.
"But why can't I Momma? I can do it! Just watch me! I'll show you I can do it!"
"It's too hard. You just can't do it. You have to be able to jump to play that game."
"I CAN jump! Let me show you that I can," he pleads.
"I wish that you could but you just can't. You have CP. Your body just won't do that."
Through sobs he manages to say, "I wish CP didn't exist! I wish I hadn't been born with CP!"
I've dreaded hearing those words for over 10 years. I knew that someday I'd hear them. It was inevitable. The surprising part is that they haven't been said before. Most kids realize their limitations much younger but Sweet G is different. There is nothing average about my Sweet G. He looks at life through a different window than most of us. His spirit is strong and true. He is kind and good. Anything is possible in his eyes.
As a small baby his favorite song was Dream Big by Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband. I remember thinking how cool it was that he loved that song so much because with his disability he was going to need to be able to Dream Big. I began to think of the words as a prayer for him.
As he got a little older his favorite song changed to The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. That song gave me so much hope and peace and again I prayed those words as we sang them together.
For the most part we have Dreamed Big and listened to the Voice of Truth but every now and then I have forgotten to have big dreams and sometimes I've listened as the giant says, "He'll never win." But not Sweet G, that is, not until today. Today he realized that dreams aren't always enough and in his weakness he took his eyes off of Jesus, focused on the waves crashing all around him, and listened as the giant laughed and said, "Boy, you'll never win."
One thing I know is that although Sweet G had a moment of weakness tonight, tomorrow will be a different story. Tomorrow we will stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over G as He says, "Do not be afraid. This is for My glory," and out of all the voices calling out we will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth!
"Buddy, you just can't be in the race," his mother answers.
"But why can't I Momma? I can do it! Just watch me! I'll show you I can do it!"
"It's too hard. You just can't do it. You have to be able to jump to play that game."
"I CAN jump! Let me show you that I can," he pleads.
"I wish that you could but you just can't. You have CP. Your body just won't do that."
Through sobs he manages to say, "I wish CP didn't exist! I wish I hadn't been born with CP!"
I've dreaded hearing those words for over 10 years. I knew that someday I'd hear them. It was inevitable. The surprising part is that they haven't been said before. Most kids realize their limitations much younger but Sweet G is different. There is nothing average about my Sweet G. He looks at life through a different window than most of us. His spirit is strong and true. He is kind and good. Anything is possible in his eyes.
As a small baby his favorite song was Dream Big by Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband. I remember thinking how cool it was that he loved that song so much because with his disability he was going to need to be able to Dream Big. I began to think of the words as a prayer for him.
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone
And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big
When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way
And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big
As he got a little older his favorite song changed to The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. That song gave me so much hope and peace and again I prayed those words as we sang them together.
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
For the most part we have Dreamed Big and listened to the Voice of Truth but every now and then I have forgotten to have big dreams and sometimes I've listened as the giant says, "He'll never win." But not Sweet G, that is, not until today. Today he realized that dreams aren't always enough and in his weakness he took his eyes off of Jesus, focused on the waves crashing all around him, and listened as the giant laughed and said, "Boy, you'll never win."
One thing I know is that although Sweet G had a moment of weakness tonight, tomorrow will be a different story. Tomorrow we will stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over G as He says, "Do not be afraid. This is for My glory," and out of all the voices calling out we will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
He Came From a Long Line of Losers
A couple of years ago I started a new Christmas tradition for our family. I made small charm-like ornaments and a stick tree that serve as a Jesse Tree. It has become a nice addition to our nightly bedtime routine during the days leading up to Christmas. Each night we place that day's ornament on the Jesse Tree and read the scriptures that tell the Biblical story associated with the picture on the charm. It really is a wonderful way to see God's plan for our salvation through His Son, Jesus.
Tonight our story was from the book of Ruth. As I read the scriptures telling the story of Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi I would elaborate on parts to help Sweet G better understand. When I read the part where Ruth was gleaning the fields of Boaz I began to explain that Ruth and Naomi were poor widows and that Ruth worked very hard to gather the wheat that was left or dropped in the field. I told Sweet G that Ruth was an ancestor of Jesus and that her family had worshipped false idols but she had chosen to follow Naomi and worship the one true God. At this point in my story Sweet G asked, "Is it sort of like a long line of losers?" After a short chuckle I began to regain my composure and the thought hit me that G wasn't really that far off. I reviewed the story of Abraham and Sarah, how Abraham lied and Sarah laughed when God promised a son would be born to them. Noah, although found righteous, at one time became drunk. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and hid from Him, then lied about their actions. I skipped ahead to Rahab the harlot and realized that Sweet G spoke the truth when he suggested that Jesus came from a long line of losers. It provided a great opportunity to share with G that God uses average people and loves us in spite of our poor choices.
I'll never hear that country song again without thinking of my sweet Savior. "He comes from a long line of losers. Half outlaws, half boozers." I'm so thankful that God can take someone who has a sinful past full of mistakes and regrets, someone whose family tree may have some questionable characters hanging in it and choose to love them and use them for His glory. Grace, grace. God's grace. Oh, how sweet His love is.
Tonight our story was from the book of Ruth. As I read the scriptures telling the story of Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi I would elaborate on parts to help Sweet G better understand. When I read the part where Ruth was gleaning the fields of Boaz I began to explain that Ruth and Naomi were poor widows and that Ruth worked very hard to gather the wheat that was left or dropped in the field. I told Sweet G that Ruth was an ancestor of Jesus and that her family had worshipped false idols but she had chosen to follow Naomi and worship the one true God. At this point in my story Sweet G asked, "Is it sort of like a long line of losers?" After a short chuckle I began to regain my composure and the thought hit me that G wasn't really that far off. I reviewed the story of Abraham and Sarah, how Abraham lied and Sarah laughed when God promised a son would be born to them. Noah, although found righteous, at one time became drunk. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and hid from Him, then lied about their actions. I skipped ahead to Rahab the harlot and realized that Sweet G spoke the truth when he suggested that Jesus came from a long line of losers. It provided a great opportunity to share with G that God uses average people and loves us in spite of our poor choices.
I'll never hear that country song again without thinking of my sweet Savior. "He comes from a long line of losers. Half outlaws, half boozers." I'm so thankful that God can take someone who has a sinful past full of mistakes and regrets, someone whose family tree may have some questionable characters hanging in it and choose to love them and use them for His glory. Grace, grace. God's grace. Oh, how sweet His love is.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Double Standards
Notice: The following post contains language that may be offensive to some people. I apologize if you are offended by my use of language and I use it only in quoting the words of others.
This morning the radio personality, Moby in the Morning, used some inappropriate language while the microphone was unintentionally left on without his realizing it. Although I myself choose to eliminate those words from my vocabulary, I must admit that sometimes I have been known to slip and say them. I'm just keeping it real. I am not perfect and I sometimes make choices that I feel are wrong; as a human being I am flawed. I am a sinner, saved by Grace.
The apostle Paul says it best in Romans chapter 7.
I have been so upset over the way the radio station has chosen to deal with this situation. They have temporarily suspended the Moby in the Morning show. My husband and I have had several discussions about it throughout the evening and as we were riding in the car tonight listening to South107 my husband brought up the fact that several songs we had heard in our very brief time in the car contained the same kind of language that Moby is being disciplined for. The following is an email that I sent to the management of South107. It is my hope that those of you who read this will consider my words before condemning Mr. Moby.
To Whom it may concern:
I was in the car with my family just a few minutes ago and my husband and I were discussing the issue with Moby. While making the 6 mile trip to Wal-Mart and back we heard several songs played on your station with offensive language. Why is it okay for you, a family oriented radio station, to allow these songs to be played multiple times on a daily basis? These are not slips of the tongue. The words these artists say were intentionally put into those lyrics, rehearsed, edited, produced and played by every one of your disc jockeys. Here is a short list of songs and the offensive words they contain. Don’t be hypocritical and hold Moby (who accidentally said curse words over the radio) to a different standard than the one you hold yourself and these artists.
Toby Keith to say hell,
Toby Keith to say he’ll put a boot in your ass,
Montgomery Gentry to say hell yeah,
Jason Aldean to say screw you,
Tim McGraw to say son of a bitch,
Kellie Pickler say damn,
Gretchen Wilson (hell yeah)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Miranda Lambert (bitch, damn, hell)
How 'Bout You Eric Church (ass)
Down in Mississippi (Up to No Good) Sugarland (***)
Drunker than Me Trent Tomlinson (damn)
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares) Travis Tritt (damn)
Johnny Cash Jason Aldean (screw you, ***)
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You Kellie Pickler (damn)
Between the River and Me- Tim McGraw (son of a bitch)
No Damn Good- Gary Allan
Hell on the Heart- Eric Church
Ain't Killed Me Yet- Eric Church (hell, damn)
Lotta Boot Left to Fill- Eric Church (hell, damn)
I Could Kick Your Ass- Justin Moore
TOES by Zac Brown Band (ass in the sand)
THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA by Charlie Daniels Band (son of a bitch)
MY GIVE A (DAMN'S) BUSTED by Jo Dee Messina
Kiss My Country Ass by Rhett Atkins
Kick My Ass (Big & Rich)
Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy (Big & Rich)
Love Me Like My Dog Does- Billy Currington (bitch)
I look forward to seeing how this issue is resolved. I think you owe Moby a big apology. Yeah, baby!
A concerned listener,
Andrea Norton
Just a thought, before we go throwing stones at others we should take a look at our own choices. If Moby's language offended you I am surprised that you listen to country music at all. Just something you may need to think about. Now, can I get a Yeah, Baby?
*If you can think of any songs I left out feel free to leave me a list of then in the comment box.
This morning the radio personality, Moby in the Morning, used some inappropriate language while the microphone was unintentionally left on without his realizing it. Although I myself choose to eliminate those words from my vocabulary, I must admit that sometimes I have been known to slip and say them. I'm just keeping it real. I am not perfect and I sometimes make choices that I feel are wrong; as a human being I am flawed. I am a sinner, saved by Grace.
The apostle Paul says it best in Romans chapter 7.
What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
I have been so upset over the way the radio station has chosen to deal with this situation. They have temporarily suspended the Moby in the Morning show. My husband and I have had several discussions about it throughout the evening and as we were riding in the car tonight listening to South107 my husband brought up the fact that several songs we had heard in our very brief time in the car contained the same kind of language that Moby is being disciplined for. The following is an email that I sent to the management of South107. It is my hope that those of you who read this will consider my words before condemning Mr. Moby.
To Whom it may concern:
I was in the car with my family just a few minutes ago and my husband and I were discussing the issue with Moby. While making the 6 mile trip to Wal-Mart and back we heard several songs played on your station with offensive language. Why is it okay for you, a family oriented radio station, to allow these songs to be played multiple times on a daily basis? These are not slips of the tongue. The words these artists say were intentionally put into those lyrics, rehearsed, edited, produced and played by every one of your disc jockeys. Here is a short list of songs and the offensive words they contain. Don’t be hypocritical and hold Moby (who accidentally said curse words over the radio) to a different standard than the one you hold yourself and these artists.
Toby Keith to say hell,
Toby Keith to say he’ll put a boot in your ass,
Montgomery Gentry to say hell yeah,
Jason Aldean to say screw you,
Tim McGraw to say son of a bitch,
Kellie Pickler say damn,
Gretchen Wilson (hell yeah)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Miranda Lambert (bitch, damn, hell)
How 'Bout You Eric Church (ass)
Down in Mississippi (Up to No Good) Sugarland (***)
Drunker than Me Trent Tomlinson (damn)
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares) Travis Tritt (damn)
Johnny Cash Jason Aldean (screw you, ***)
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You Kellie Pickler (damn)
Between the River and Me- Tim McGraw (son of a bitch)
No Damn Good- Gary Allan
Hell on the Heart- Eric Church
Ain't Killed Me Yet- Eric Church (hell, damn)
Lotta Boot Left to Fill- Eric Church (hell, damn)
I Could Kick Your Ass- Justin Moore
TOES by Zac Brown Band (ass in the sand)
THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA by Charlie Daniels Band (son of a bitch)
MY GIVE A (DAMN'S) BUSTED by Jo Dee Messina
Kiss My Country Ass by Rhett Atkins
Kick My Ass (Big & Rich)
Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy (Big & Rich)
Love Me Like My Dog Does- Billy Currington (bitch)
I look forward to seeing how this issue is resolved. I think you owe Moby a big apology. Yeah, baby!
A concerned listener,
Andrea Norton
Just a thought, before we go throwing stones at others we should take a look at our own choices. If Moby's language offended you I am surprised that you listen to country music at all. Just something you may need to think about. Now, can I get a Yeah, Baby?
*If you can think of any songs I left out feel free to leave me a list of then in the comment box.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Standing at the Screen Door
My parents divorced before I was old enough to retain any memories of the time they were together. There is not one picture of me with both of my parents. Not one trace of evidence from the life we lived together. For that reason I find it impossible to imagine that we ever had the same last name or lived together as a family although we did for only a short time.
In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother's sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.
I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.
Lately I've been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don't have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.
In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother's sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.
I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.
Lately I've been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don't have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.
Psalm 17:8-9 (KJV)
8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thankfulness
As I started to write this post tonight I began to reflect on this past year. I found myself thinking of all the bad things this year has brought to my life and the many things I have lost. That could have been the beginning of my annual spiral into holiday depression but it wasn't. Before I was totally wallowing in self pity I thought of a verse from the Bible.
Immediately, God reminded me of all the blessings this year has been filled with. My baby had a successful surgery and has made great strides in therapy, my oldest is half way through his second year of college, my husband was given a steady paying part time job to supplement our income, our family is healthy, my Sweet G is making great progress in school, we have a home, plenty of food to eat, we had a pretty good little garden that is still producing food and enjoyment for me, I have had a million laughs at the things Sweet G has said to me, enjoyed morning snuggles and bedtime stories, had close to 52 "campouts" with Sweet G (T filled in for me on a couple of Friday nights), I celebrated the 27th anniversary of the day I married my best friend, made a few new friends, and made some more great memories with some old friends.
2011 has been bittersweet but then again isn't that a pretty good description of life? We wouldn't know the depth of our blessings without hardships to compare them to. I have learned a lot about myself this year. I also discovered the value that others place on me. I learned that blood isn't always thicker than water but the blood of Christ that covers my sin is binding. I am His and He is mine. Nothing can separate me from His love. I do have many things to be Thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving!
Philippians 4:8 (MSG)
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
Immediately, God reminded me of all the blessings this year has been filled with. My baby had a successful surgery and has made great strides in therapy, my oldest is half way through his second year of college, my husband was given a steady paying part time job to supplement our income, our family is healthy, my Sweet G is making great progress in school, we have a home, plenty of food to eat, we had a pretty good little garden that is still producing food and enjoyment for me, I have had a million laughs at the things Sweet G has said to me, enjoyed morning snuggles and bedtime stories, had close to 52 "campouts" with Sweet G (T filled in for me on a couple of Friday nights), I celebrated the 27th anniversary of the day I married my best friend, made a few new friends, and made some more great memories with some old friends.
2011 has been bittersweet but then again isn't that a pretty good description of life? We wouldn't know the depth of our blessings without hardships to compare them to. I have learned a lot about myself this year. I also discovered the value that others place on me. I learned that blood isn't always thicker than water but the blood of Christ that covers my sin is binding. I am His and He is mine. Nothing can separate me from His love. I do have many things to be Thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Trip to the Desert and Back
A few weeks ago God began a change in me. I started to feel His gentle tug on my heart and faintly hear the sound of His voice calling me. There has been a drought in my Christian walk. One that I couldn't seem to find my way out of. To be totally honest, I didn't try very hard to look for a way out of the dry and desolate place I found myself. I became content to sit there and slowly dehydrate to the point that my spiritual cup was down to a few drops instead of overflowing as God says it should be.
The first thing God told me was my husband needed to spend time bonding with other Godly men. You may say, "I thought you said God called you. Now you say He wants your husband to do something." The answer is simple. I crave my husband's time and attention which are in very short supply. He works two jobs which total 55+ hours a week, not including commute time. He doesn't get home until after 9:00 every week night except Fridays and works half a day on Saturday. I need time to take off my Mommy, teacher, cook, playmate, caretaker hat every once in a while. Having a child with special needs means that I take every step my child takes and sometimes I get burned out but God showed me that my husband gets tired and discouraged too. That is why God spoke to me. He wanted to guide me on the path to being a better wife to my husband. He asked me to put my husband's needs above my own.
The second thing God reminded me of was that it is my responsibility to teach my child about God. Our family needs to be in God's house learning His Word. It is my duty to take Sweet G whether he wants to go or understands the importance it holds.
Step three, I started reading my Bible and being more purposeful in my walk with Christ. For the first time in a long time God's Word was fresh and alive to me. I was getting it, growing. Then I started feeling the familiar sting of satan's fiery darts. Someone verbally attacked me on a social site over my view of an issue. My son misunderstood a couple of comments I made. My mother seems to think I am a vile and unfeeling monster because I disagree with the family on a very delicate family issue. Everywhere I turn it seems someone is misunderstanding what I say or questioning why I see things in a different way than they do.
I finally broke down in tears tonight questioning why this is all happening to me. The answer came through the post of a fellow blogger. She wrote about parenting. She reminded me that sometimes a child asks for something when in reality it isn't good for them. Her children prefer the cardboard boxed macaroni and cheese with the fake powdered cheese over her homemade nutritious Mac-and-cheese. They don't understand that she sacrifices much more time and energy to make the dish from scratch because she loves them and wants the best for them. As my Heavenly Father, God will not settle for the easy Mac way of life. It is not good enough for me, His beloved child. Even if it is hard to swallow and I'd be much more pleased with the instant heat and serve version He patiently gives me what I really need.
My prayer has been for God to lead me out of that dry place I've been sitting. As we walk the sand is hot and makes my steps unsteady at times. Walking in hot dry sand is difficult but it's the only way to get out of a desert. The amazing thing is every now and then I take a peek inside my cup and see that instead of becoming empty it's gradually getting fuller. Every step I take and each sip of water I drink fills my cup a little more.
The first thing God told me was my husband needed to spend time bonding with other Godly men. You may say, "I thought you said God called you. Now you say He wants your husband to do something." The answer is simple. I crave my husband's time and attention which are in very short supply. He works two jobs which total 55+ hours a week, not including commute time. He doesn't get home until after 9:00 every week night except Fridays and works half a day on Saturday. I need time to take off my Mommy, teacher, cook, playmate, caretaker hat every once in a while. Having a child with special needs means that I take every step my child takes and sometimes I get burned out but God showed me that my husband gets tired and discouraged too. That is why God spoke to me. He wanted to guide me on the path to being a better wife to my husband. He asked me to put my husband's needs above my own.
The second thing God reminded me of was that it is my responsibility to teach my child about God. Our family needs to be in God's house learning His Word. It is my duty to take Sweet G whether he wants to go or understands the importance it holds.
Step three, I started reading my Bible and being more purposeful in my walk with Christ. For the first time in a long time God's Word was fresh and alive to me. I was getting it, growing. Then I started feeling the familiar sting of satan's fiery darts. Someone verbally attacked me on a social site over my view of an issue. My son misunderstood a couple of comments I made. My mother seems to think I am a vile and unfeeling monster because I disagree with the family on a very delicate family issue. Everywhere I turn it seems someone is misunderstanding what I say or questioning why I see things in a different way than they do.
I finally broke down in tears tonight questioning why this is all happening to me. The answer came through the post of a fellow blogger. She wrote about parenting. She reminded me that sometimes a child asks for something when in reality it isn't good for them. Her children prefer the cardboard boxed macaroni and cheese with the fake powdered cheese over her homemade nutritious Mac-and-cheese. They don't understand that she sacrifices much more time and energy to make the dish from scratch because she loves them and wants the best for them. As my Heavenly Father, God will not settle for the easy Mac way of life. It is not good enough for me, His beloved child. Even if it is hard to swallow and I'd be much more pleased with the instant heat and serve version He patiently gives me what I really need.
My prayer has been for God to lead me out of that dry place I've been sitting. As we walk the sand is hot and makes my steps unsteady at times. Walking in hot dry sand is difficult but it's the only way to get out of a desert. The amazing thing is every now and then I take a peek inside my cup and see that instead of becoming empty it's gradually getting fuller. Every step I take and each sip of water I drink fills my cup a little more.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Lessons From Today
My wonderful husband lovingly, patiently and persistently worked to awaken me this morning in time for us to make it to Sunday School and church. I stayed up way too late last night which is common for me. I just really wanted to be left alone to sleep but he is so much more aware of our need to worship than I am so he gently encouraged me to wake up.
I began to drift in and out of consciousness after he made several attempts to wake me. As I lay there trying to break free from the thick fog of sleep that was engulfing me I heard Sweet G's voice. "Is Momma getting up? Is she going to church? Is it going to be just you and me today, Daddy?"
Those simple questions asked from curiosity and a deep need to know the day's plan was what finally swooped in and lifted me out of the fog. Depression and panic become excuses at times. I don't consciously use them to allow me to check out of life but I also don't make a conscious effort to press forward and overcome my tendency to allow depression to prevent me from living a full life.
Sunday School was wonderful. Our teacher has a way of presenting God's truth in a way that resonates with me. We have similar personalities and I suppose that makes his teaching real, relatable and powerful to me.
We had a special guest come and sing during the worship service. The worship was more powerful than it has been in a while. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and looked next to me and saw Sweet G lift both hands as high as he could and shout, "Yes! praise the Lord." My initial Mommy thought was to tell him to be quiet but I didn't. I paused and watched my little boy worship with a freedom that I wish I was bold enough to experience. I sat there in awe of his sweet spirit and his lack of restraint. He felt moved by the singing and he unashamedly praised God.
God had many lessons for me today. The sermon was perfect for where I have been in my life and pointed out some key areas I have become weak in. Our Sunday School lesson was filled with answers to issues I deal with regularly. The songs of worship reminded me that I gain strength from praising my Savior. Sweet G demonstrated freedom in worshiping Christ and in trusting Him regardless of the circumstances God allows me to face.
I prayed at the alter about some things I have been dealing with for a long time. A precious senior adult lady joined me to pray. She is the perfect picture of southern grace and devoted Christianity. Everyone who knows her loves her and admires the testimony of her life. I was honored that she prayed with me but the most amazing thing happened as we finished praying. She held me by my arms and looked directly into my eyes as she spoke to me. She said some things about me that took me by surprise. God used her to bless me and encourage me.
I would have missed all those things if my amazing husband hadn't persisted in his attempts to wake me. He is so much more than I deserve. God taught me so much today. He demonstrated the fruit of the spirit through those around me.
Galatians 5:22-25 (KJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23[Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.]
24[And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.]
25[If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.]
I began to drift in and out of consciousness after he made several attempts to wake me. As I lay there trying to break free from the thick fog of sleep that was engulfing me I heard Sweet G's voice. "Is Momma getting up? Is she going to church? Is it going to be just you and me today, Daddy?"
Those simple questions asked from curiosity and a deep need to know the day's plan was what finally swooped in and lifted me out of the fog. Depression and panic become excuses at times. I don't consciously use them to allow me to check out of life but I also don't make a conscious effort to press forward and overcome my tendency to allow depression to prevent me from living a full life.
Sunday School was wonderful. Our teacher has a way of presenting God's truth in a way that resonates with me. We have similar personalities and I suppose that makes his teaching real, relatable and powerful to me.
We had a special guest come and sing during the worship service. The worship was more powerful than it has been in a while. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and looked next to me and saw Sweet G lift both hands as high as he could and shout, "Yes! praise the Lord." My initial Mommy thought was to tell him to be quiet but I didn't. I paused and watched my little boy worship with a freedom that I wish I was bold enough to experience. I sat there in awe of his sweet spirit and his lack of restraint. He felt moved by the singing and he unashamedly praised God.
God had many lessons for me today. The sermon was perfect for where I have been in my life and pointed out some key areas I have become weak in. Our Sunday School lesson was filled with answers to issues I deal with regularly. The songs of worship reminded me that I gain strength from praising my Savior. Sweet G demonstrated freedom in worshiping Christ and in trusting Him regardless of the circumstances God allows me to face.
I prayed at the alter about some things I have been dealing with for a long time. A precious senior adult lady joined me to pray. She is the perfect picture of southern grace and devoted Christianity. Everyone who knows her loves her and admires the testimony of her life. I was honored that she prayed with me but the most amazing thing happened as we finished praying. She held me by my arms and looked directly into my eyes as she spoke to me. She said some things about me that took me by surprise. God used her to bless me and encourage me.
I would have missed all those things if my amazing husband hadn't persisted in his attempts to wake me. He is so much more than I deserve. God taught me so much today. He demonstrated the fruit of the spirit through those around me.
Galatians 5:22-25 (KJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23[Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.]
24[And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.]
25[If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.]
Lessons From Today
My wonderful husband lovingly, patiently and persistently worked to awaken me this morning in time for us to make it to Sunday School and church. I stayed up way too late last night which is common for me. I just really wanted to be left alone to sleep but he is so much more aware of our need to worship than I am so he gently encouraged me to wake up.
I began to drift in and out of consciousness after he made several attempts to wake me. As I lay there trying to break free from the thick fog of sleep that was engulfing me I heard Sweet G's voice. "Is Momma getting up? Is she going to church? Is it going to be just you and me today, Daddy?"
Those simple questions asked from curiosity and a deep need to know the day's plan was what finally swooped in and lifted me out of the fog. Depression and panic become excuses at times. I don't consciously use them to allow me to check out of life but I also don't make a conscious effort to press forward and overcome my tendency to allow depression to prevent me from living a full life.
Sunday School was wonderful. Our teacher has a way of presenting God's truth in a way that resonates with me. We have similar personalities and I suppose that makes his teaching real, relatable and powerful to me.
We had a special guest come and sing during the worship service. The worship was more powerful than it has been in a while. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and looked next to me and saw Sweet G lift both hands as high as he could and shout, "Yes! praise the Lord." My initial Mommy thought was to tell him to be quiet but I didn't. I paused and watched my little boy worship with a freedom that I wish I was bold enough to experience. I sat there in awe of his sweet spirit and his lack of restraint. He felt moved by the singing and he unashamedly praised God.
God had many lessons for me today. The sermon was perfect for where I have been in my life and pointed out some key areas I have become weak in. Our Sunday School lesson was filled with answers to issues I deal with regularly. The songs of worship reminded me that I gain strength from praising my Savior. Sweet G demonstrated freedom in worshiping Christ and in trusting Him regardless of the circumstances God allows me to face.
I prayed at the alter about some things I have been dealing with for a long time. A precious senior adult lady joined me to pray. She is the perfect picture of southern grace and devoted Christianity. Everyone who knows her loves her and admires the testimony of her life. I was honored that she prayed with me but the most amazing thing happened as we finished praying. She held me by my arms and looked directly into my eyes as she spoke to me. She said some things about me that took me by surprise. God used her to bless me and encourage me.
I would have missed all those things if my amazing husband hadn't persisted in his attempts to wake me. He is so much more than I deserve. God taught me so much today. He demonstrated the fruit of the spirit through those around me.
Galatians 5:22-25 (KJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23[Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.]
24[And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.]
25[If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.]
I began to drift in and out of consciousness after he made several attempts to wake me. As I lay there trying to break free from the thick fog of sleep that was engulfing me I heard Sweet G's voice. "Is Momma getting up? Is she going to church? Is it going to be just you and me today, Daddy?"
Those simple questions asked from curiosity and a deep need to know the day's plan was what finally swooped in and lifted me out of the fog. Depression and panic become excuses at times. I don't consciously use them to allow me to check out of life but I also don't make a conscious effort to press forward and overcome my tendency to allow depression to prevent me from living a full life.
Sunday School was wonderful. Our teacher has a way of presenting God's truth in a way that resonates with me. We have similar personalities and I suppose that makes his teaching real, relatable and powerful to me.
We had a special guest come and sing during the worship service. The worship was more powerful than it has been in a while. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and looked next to me and saw Sweet G lift both hands as high as he could and shout, "Yes! praise the Lord." My initial Mommy thought was to tell him to be quiet but I didn't. I paused and watched my little boy worship with a freedom that I wish I was bold enough to experience. I sat there in awe of his sweet spirit and his lack of restraint. He felt moved by the singing and he unashamedly praised God.
God had many lessons for me today. The sermon was perfect for where I have been in my life and pointed out some key areas I have become weak in. Our Sunday School lesson was filled with answers to issues I deal with regularly. The songs of worship reminded me that I gain strength from praising my Savior. Sweet G demonstrated freedom in worshiping Christ and in trusting Him regardless of the circumstances God allows me to face.
I prayed at the alter about some things I have been dealing with for a long time. A precious senior adult lady joined me to pray. She is the perfect picture of southern grace and devoted Christianity. Everyone who knows her loves her and admires the testimony of her life. I was honored that she prayed with me but the most amazing thing happened as we finished praying. She held me by my arms and looked directly into my eyes as she spoke to me. She said some things about me that took me by surprise. God used her to bless me and encourage me.
I would have missed all those things if my amazing husband hadn't persisted in his attempts to wake me. He is so much more than I deserve. God taught me so much today. He demonstrated the fruit of the spirit through those around me.
Galatians 5:22-25 (KJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23[Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.]
24[And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.]
25[If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.]
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Curious Eyes and the Pain They Cause
As the mother of a child with a disability I am pretty laid back compared to other special needs parents I have met. I try to be understanding when everyone in the checkout lines turn and stare at my family when we enter a store. The children who frequently stop dead in their tracks with gaping wide mouths are smiled at as I quickly navigate Sweet G around their curious eyes.
I try to tell myself that they look because they are curious and because we are such beautiful people that they can't help becoming mesmerized by our striking good looks. Well, I can't even convince myself of that one but the point is that I really do try to put myself in the position of the lookie-lou in question and move on with my life. There are times, however, when I have an experience that throws me off balance and leaves me searching for direction. Today was one of those days.
We decided to take in a family movie this afternoon. Sweet G asked to go see Cars 2 and since that is something he never asks for we wanted to take him for some special family time. We bought our tickets before entering the theater. Having arrived a few minutes before the movie was going to start we decided to get in line for some refreshments. As we stood there in line my husband says you may want to take G and go find us some seats. Initially I said, "Why, it doesn't look that crowded to me." J replied, "Well, it wouldn't hurt because all the handicapped section may get full." Not wanting to disagree, I turned and headed with Sweet G toward the theater.
As I rolled G into the theater and into the main aisle where the handicapped seating is located I couldn't believe my eyes. Every seat was taken by able bodied people. There wasn't one disabled person in sight. Oh, my blood started to boil. I just stood there with my mouth agape in disbelief. There was a woman around my age in the first set of seats with her young child. An older lady sat with a young girl in the second set of seats. The third set of seats held an elderly man with a small boy, and two wild unattended boys took up the last set of seats. I stood there for a good minute just looking at them all. Remember that I said earlier that we don't enter anywhere unnoticed. They all, with the exception of the two boys on the far end of the theater looked straight at me and Sweet G.
What do you think happened? Did the woman my age with a little boy close to G's age offer their seats? Maybe you think it was the older woman and her grand-daughter who surrendered their seats. Surely it must have been the elderly man who nobly sacrificed his seats for a child in a wheel chair. Maybe the young boys took notice and offered their seats. Who do you think did the right thing and moved out of the handicapped seating so a disabled child could sit in the seating reserved for individuals with special needs like him? If your answer was none of the above you are a winner! Not one person moved from their seat. I stood there amazed at the lack of concern those three adults showed by their complacency. They sat there looking at me and G until I turned and walked back out of the theater.
I returned to the theater with an usher who asked the first lady and her son if they minded moving. The woman very pleasantly said, "Oh, of course I don't." She quickly moved to another set of seats and I was able to set down and position Sweet G's chair beside me.
I could have asked someone as easily as the usher. I'm not sure why I didn't. The only reason I can think of is that I was so shocked by the lack of consideration those people displayed by their actions to first sit in a section intended for those with special needs, and secondly their choice to stare at us without offering to move.
As I talked to my husband tonight I described my desire to teach Sweet G to be kind and retain a Godly character yet be able to diplomatically stand up for himself. There are some things in life he will simply have to endure and the gawking eyes of strangers is one of them. I struggle with how to handle those situations. I have a hot Irish temper and once angered my tongue often speaks fire and death. I don't want to be a bad example to my Sweet G. He has a precious spirit that I don't want to corrupt but at the same time I don't want a lifetime of being treated rudely to cause him to become discouraged.
Life is a constant balancing act that leaves me struggling to decide the right things to do. I feel so unequipped to parent my sons, to be the wife my precious husband deserves, and to trust and forgive those who offend me. It isn't like I don't know what I need to do. I need to turn to my Lord and ask for guidance. Instead I wait until I have extinguished all my earthly ways of handling things and am at my breaking point. But you know what? That's okay. He understands, He knows me more intimately than I know myself and He loves me (adores me) in spite of all my imperfections. I just need to remember that sometimes blessings come as raindrops. It is then that I run to the shelter of my Saviors arms and there that I find answers and peace.
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I try to tell myself that they look because they are curious and because we are such beautiful people that they can't help becoming mesmerized by our striking good looks. Well, I can't even convince myself of that one but the point is that I really do try to put myself in the position of the lookie-lou in question and move on with my life. There are times, however, when I have an experience that throws me off balance and leaves me searching for direction. Today was one of those days.
We decided to take in a family movie this afternoon. Sweet G asked to go see Cars 2 and since that is something he never asks for we wanted to take him for some special family time. We bought our tickets before entering the theater. Having arrived a few minutes before the movie was going to start we decided to get in line for some refreshments. As we stood there in line my husband says you may want to take G and go find us some seats. Initially I said, "Why, it doesn't look that crowded to me." J replied, "Well, it wouldn't hurt because all the handicapped section may get full." Not wanting to disagree, I turned and headed with Sweet G toward the theater.
As I rolled G into the theater and into the main aisle where the handicapped seating is located I couldn't believe my eyes. Every seat was taken by able bodied people. There wasn't one disabled person in sight. Oh, my blood started to boil. I just stood there with my mouth agape in disbelief. There was a woman around my age in the first set of seats with her young child. An older lady sat with a young girl in the second set of seats. The third set of seats held an elderly man with a small boy, and two wild unattended boys took up the last set of seats. I stood there for a good minute just looking at them all. Remember that I said earlier that we don't enter anywhere unnoticed. They all, with the exception of the two boys on the far end of the theater looked straight at me and Sweet G.
What do you think happened? Did the woman my age with a little boy close to G's age offer their seats? Maybe you think it was the older woman and her grand-daughter who surrendered their seats. Surely it must have been the elderly man who nobly sacrificed his seats for a child in a wheel chair. Maybe the young boys took notice and offered their seats. Who do you think did the right thing and moved out of the handicapped seating so a disabled child could sit in the seating reserved for individuals with special needs like him? If your answer was none of the above you are a winner! Not one person moved from their seat. I stood there amazed at the lack of concern those three adults showed by their complacency. They sat there looking at me and G until I turned and walked back out of the theater.
I returned to the theater with an usher who asked the first lady and her son if they minded moving. The woman very pleasantly said, "Oh, of course I don't." She quickly moved to another set of seats and I was able to set down and position Sweet G's chair beside me.
I could have asked someone as easily as the usher. I'm not sure why I didn't. The only reason I can think of is that I was so shocked by the lack of consideration those people displayed by their actions to first sit in a section intended for those with special needs, and secondly their choice to stare at us without offering to move.
As I talked to my husband tonight I described my desire to teach Sweet G to be kind and retain a Godly character yet be able to diplomatically stand up for himself. There are some things in life he will simply have to endure and the gawking eyes of strangers is one of them. I struggle with how to handle those situations. I have a hot Irish temper and once angered my tongue often speaks fire and death. I don't want to be a bad example to my Sweet G. He has a precious spirit that I don't want to corrupt but at the same time I don't want a lifetime of being treated rudely to cause him to become discouraged.
Life is a constant balancing act that leaves me struggling to decide the right things to do. I feel so unequipped to parent my sons, to be the wife my precious husband deserves, and to trust and forgive those who offend me. It isn't like I don't know what I need to do. I need to turn to my Lord and ask for guidance. Instead I wait until I have extinguished all my earthly ways of handling things and am at my breaking point. But you know what? That's okay. He understands, He knows me more intimately than I know myself and He loves me (adores me) in spite of all my imperfections. I just need to remember that sometimes blessings come as raindrops. It is then that I run to the shelter of my Saviors arms and there that I find answers and peace.
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Curious Eyes and the Pain They Cause
As the mother of a child with a disability I am pretty laid back compared to other special needs parents I have met. I try to be understanding when everyone in the checkout lines turn and stare at my family when we enter a store. The children who frequently stop dead in their tracks with gaping wide mouths are smiled at as I quickly navigate Sweet G around their curious eyes.
I try to tell myself that they look because they are curious and because we are such beautiful people that they can't help becoming mesmerized by our striking good looks. Well, I can't even convince myself of that one but the point is that I really do try to put myself in the position of the lookie-lou in question and move on with my life. There are times, however, when I have an experience that throws me off balance and leaves me searching for direction. Today was one of those days.
We decided to take in a family movie this afternoon. Sweet G asked to go see Cars 2 and since that is something he never asks for we wanted to take him for some special family time. We bought our tickets before entering the theater. Having arrived a few minutes before the movie was going to start we decided to get in line for some refreshments. As we stood there in line my husband says you may want to take G and go find us some seats. Initially I said, "Why, it doesn't look that crowded to me." J replied, "Well, it wouldn't hurt because all the handicapped section may get full." Not wanting to disagree, I turned and headed with Sweet G toward the theater.
As I rolled G into the theater and into the main aisle where the handicapped seating is located I couldn't believe my eyes. Every seat was taken by able bodied people. There wasn't one disabled person in sight. Oh, my blood started to boil. I just stood there with my mouth agape in disbelief. There was a woman around my age in the first set of seats with her young child. An older lady sat with a young girl in the second set of seats. The third set of seats held an elderly man with a small boy, and two wild unattended boys took up the last set of seats. I stood there for a good minute just looking at them all. Remember that I said earlier that we don't enter anywhere unnoticed. They all, with the exception of the two boys on the far end of the theater looked straight at me and Sweet G.
What do you think happened? Did the woman my age with a little boy close to G's age offer their seats? Maybe you think it was the older woman and her grand-daughter who surrendered their seats. Surely it must have been the elderly man who nobly sacrificed his seats for a child in a wheel chair. Maybe the young boys took notice and offered their seats. Who do you think did the right thing and moved out of the handicapped seating so a disabled child could sit in the seating reserved for individuals with special needs like him? If your answer was none of the above you are a winner! Not one person moved from their seat. I stood there amazed at the lack of concern those three adults showed by their complacency. They sat there looking at me and G until I turned and walked back out of the theater.
I returned to the theater with an usher who asked the first lady and her son if they minded moving. The woman very pleasantly said, "Oh, of course I don't." She quickly moved to another set of seats and I was able to set down and position Sweet G's chair beside me.
I could have asked someone as easily as the usher. I'm not sure why I didn't. The only reason I can think of is that I was so shocked by the lack of consideration those people displayed by their actions to first sit in a section intended for those with special needs, and secondly their choice to stare at us without offering to move.
As I talked to my husband tonight I described my desire to teach Sweet G to be kind and retain a Godly character yet be able to diplomatically stand up for himself. There are some things in life he will simply have to endure and the gawking eyes of strangers is one of them. I struggle with how to handle those situations. I have a hot Irish temper and once angered my tongue often speaks fire and death. I don't want to be a bad example to my Sweet G. He has a precious spirit that I don't want to corrupt but at the same time I don't want a lifetime of being treated rudely to cause him to become discouraged.
Life is a constant balancing act that leaves me struggling to decide the right things to do. I feel so unequipped to parent my sons, to be the wife my precious husband deserves, and to trust and forgive those who offend me. It isn't like I don't know what I need to do. I need to turn to my Lord and ask for guidance. Instead I wait until I have extinguished all my earthly ways of handling things and am at my breaking point. But you know what? That's okay. He understands, He knows me more intimately than I know myself and He loves me (adores me) in spite of all my imperfections. I just need to remember that sometimes blessings come as raindrops. It is then that I run to the shelter of my Saviors arms and there that I find answers and peace.
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I try to tell myself that they look because they are curious and because we are such beautiful people that they can't help becoming mesmerized by our striking good looks. Well, I can't even convince myself of that one but the point is that I really do try to put myself in the position of the lookie-lou in question and move on with my life. There are times, however, when I have an experience that throws me off balance and leaves me searching for direction. Today was one of those days.
We decided to take in a family movie this afternoon. Sweet G asked to go see Cars 2 and since that is something he never asks for we wanted to take him for some special family time. We bought our tickets before entering the theater. Having arrived a few minutes before the movie was going to start we decided to get in line for some refreshments. As we stood there in line my husband says you may want to take G and go find us some seats. Initially I said, "Why, it doesn't look that crowded to me." J replied, "Well, it wouldn't hurt because all the handicapped section may get full." Not wanting to disagree, I turned and headed with Sweet G toward the theater.
As I rolled G into the theater and into the main aisle where the handicapped seating is located I couldn't believe my eyes. Every seat was taken by able bodied people. There wasn't one disabled person in sight. Oh, my blood started to boil. I just stood there with my mouth agape in disbelief. There was a woman around my age in the first set of seats with her young child. An older lady sat with a young girl in the second set of seats. The third set of seats held an elderly man with a small boy, and two wild unattended boys took up the last set of seats. I stood there for a good minute just looking at them all. Remember that I said earlier that we don't enter anywhere unnoticed. They all, with the exception of the two boys on the far end of the theater looked straight at me and Sweet G.
What do you think happened? Did the woman my age with a little boy close to G's age offer their seats? Maybe you think it was the older woman and her grand-daughter who surrendered their seats. Surely it must have been the elderly man who nobly sacrificed his seats for a child in a wheel chair. Maybe the young boys took notice and offered their seats. Who do you think did the right thing and moved out of the handicapped seating so a disabled child could sit in the seating reserved for individuals with special needs like him? If your answer was none of the above you are a winner! Not one person moved from their seat. I stood there amazed at the lack of concern those three adults showed by their complacency. They sat there looking at me and G until I turned and walked back out of the theater.
I returned to the theater with an usher who asked the first lady and her son if they minded moving. The woman very pleasantly said, "Oh, of course I don't." She quickly moved to another set of seats and I was able to set down and position Sweet G's chair beside me.
I could have asked someone as easily as the usher. I'm not sure why I didn't. The only reason I can think of is that I was so shocked by the lack of consideration those people displayed by their actions to first sit in a section intended for those with special needs, and secondly their choice to stare at us without offering to move.
As I talked to my husband tonight I described my desire to teach Sweet G to be kind and retain a Godly character yet be able to diplomatically stand up for himself. There are some things in life he will simply have to endure and the gawking eyes of strangers is one of them. I struggle with how to handle those situations. I have a hot Irish temper and once angered my tongue often speaks fire and death. I don't want to be a bad example to my Sweet G. He has a precious spirit that I don't want to corrupt but at the same time I don't want a lifetime of being treated rudely to cause him to become discouraged.
Life is a constant balancing act that leaves me struggling to decide the right things to do. I feel so unequipped to parent my sons, to be the wife my precious husband deserves, and to trust and forgive those who offend me. It isn't like I don't know what I need to do. I need to turn to my Lord and ask for guidance. Instead I wait until I have extinguished all my earthly ways of handling things and am at my breaking point. But you know what? That's okay. He understands, He knows me more intimately than I know myself and He loves me (adores me) in spite of all my imperfections. I just need to remember that sometimes blessings come as raindrops. It is then that I run to the shelter of my Saviors arms and there that I find answers and peace.
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Sunday, March 27, 2011
I Hear His Drum
I am not a sinless person. There has only been one perfect sinless person and His own people crucified Him. He was blameless. He not only loved; He is love. Yet, He was accused of things He didn't do, His words were twisted into things He didn't say, He was beaten, forsaken, betrayed, misunderstood, left to carry His burdens alone in His darkest and scariest hour. His best friend denied knowing Him three times in one night after just telling Him that he would never betray Him. He prayed and cried alone in a darkened garden because His closest friends were too tired to stay awake to watch and pray with Him. He was so anguished that his sweat became as blood yet the ones who loved Him the most couldn't see how much He needed them that night.
I do not believe that people are basically good at heart as I have heard people say. That my friend is not a fib, but as a three year old little girl once told me, "that's a lie." I am sorry if that offends you but it is merely the truth. God's Word tells us that all have sinned. There is not one who is good. We are born in sin, it is who we are to the utter core. Lost, wretched sinners. Selfish, lustful, hateful people trying desperately to justify our actions.
I am a detailed person, an information freak, a person who hears about a strange new disease and immediately writes it down so I can research it as soon as I can find a computer. I have to see it for myself so I am able to process it and make up my own mind.
I am a doubter. I can relate to Jesus' disciple Thomas. I feel like Thomas got a bum rap. He was just the kind of person who wanted to see it for himself. If I see Him, hear His voice, and touch His nail scarred hands, then will I believe. That is me. Not about Jesus but about almost everything else. I don't want to take your word for it, I don't need the opinions of anyone in deciding whether something is true or not. I am an educated woman and am capable of looking at the evidence and making up my own mind on a matter. I will go to the source for the information I need and not take the word of others when there is evidence available for me to look at and decide for myself. I guess that rubs people the wrong way. I am sorry if you can't understand that I will not blindly follow the popular path.
I march to the beat of a different drummer and will rise when the sound as that drum turns into the blast of a trumpet when my Jesus returns. I am His, and He is mine. I count it all joy when trials come to me. I know He is perfecting me, allowing me to be broken apart so He can mold me closer into His image.
I do not believe that people are basically good at heart as I have heard people say. That my friend is not a fib, but as a three year old little girl once told me, "that's a lie." I am sorry if that offends you but it is merely the truth. God's Word tells us that all have sinned. There is not one who is good. We are born in sin, it is who we are to the utter core. Lost, wretched sinners. Selfish, lustful, hateful people trying desperately to justify our actions.
I am a detailed person, an information freak, a person who hears about a strange new disease and immediately writes it down so I can research it as soon as I can find a computer. I have to see it for myself so I am able to process it and make up my own mind.
I am a doubter. I can relate to Jesus' disciple Thomas. I feel like Thomas got a bum rap. He was just the kind of person who wanted to see it for himself. If I see Him, hear His voice, and touch His nail scarred hands, then will I believe. That is me. Not about Jesus but about almost everything else. I don't want to take your word for it, I don't need the opinions of anyone in deciding whether something is true or not. I am an educated woman and am capable of looking at the evidence and making up my own mind on a matter. I will go to the source for the information I need and not take the word of others when there is evidence available for me to look at and decide for myself. I guess that rubs people the wrong way. I am sorry if you can't understand that I will not blindly follow the popular path.
I march to the beat of a different drummer and will rise when the sound as that drum turns into the blast of a trumpet when my Jesus returns. I am His, and He is mine. I count it all joy when trials come to me. I know He is perfecting me, allowing me to be broken apart so He can mold me closer into His image.
I Hear His Drum
I am not a sinless person. There has only been one perfect sinless person and His own people crucified Him. He was blameless. He not only loved; He is love. Yet, He was accused of things He didn't do, His words were twisted into things He didn't say, He was beaten, forsaken, betrayed, misunderstood, left to carry His burdens alone in His darkest and scariest hour. His best friend denied knowing Him three times in one night after just telling Him that he would never betray Him. He prayed and cried alone in a darkened garden because His closest friends were too tired to stay awake to watch and pray with Him. He was so anguished that his sweat became as blood yet the ones who loved Him the most couldn't see how much He needed them that night.
I do not believe that people are basically good at heart as I have heard people say. That my friend is not a fib, but as a three year old little girl once told me, "that's a lie." I am sorry if that offends you but it is merely the truth. God's Word tells us that all have sinned. There is not one who is good. We are born in sin, it is who we are to the utter core. Lost, wretched sinners. Selfish, lustful, hateful people trying desperately to justify our actions.
I am a detailed person, an information freak, a person who hears about a strange new disease and immediately writes it down so I can research it as soon as I can find a computer. I have to see it for myself so I am able to process it and make up my own mind.
I am a doubter. I can relate to Jesus' disciple Thomas. I feel like Thomas got a bum rap. He was just the kind of person who wanted to see it for himself. If I see Him, hear His voice, and touch His nail scarred hands, then will I believe. That is me. Not about Jesus but about almost everything else. I don't want to take your word for it, I don't need the opinions of anyone in deciding whether something is true or not. I am an educated woman and am capable of looking at the evidence and making up my own mind on a matter. I will go to the source for the information I need and not take the word of others when there is evidence available for me to look at and decide for myself. I guess that rubs people the wrong way. I am sorry if you can't understand that I will not blindly follow the popular path.
I march to the beat of a different drummer and will rise when the sound as that drum turns into the blast of a trumpet when my Jesus returns. I am His, and He is mine. I count it all joy when trials come to me. I know He is perfecting me, allowing me to be broken apart so He can mold me closer into His image.
I do not believe that people are basically good at heart as I have heard people say. That my friend is not a fib, but as a three year old little girl once told me, "that's a lie." I am sorry if that offends you but it is merely the truth. God's Word tells us that all have sinned. There is not one who is good. We are born in sin, it is who we are to the utter core. Lost, wretched sinners. Selfish, lustful, hateful people trying desperately to justify our actions.
I am a detailed person, an information freak, a person who hears about a strange new disease and immediately writes it down so I can research it as soon as I can find a computer. I have to see it for myself so I am able to process it and make up my own mind.
I am a doubter. I can relate to Jesus' disciple Thomas. I feel like Thomas got a bum rap. He was just the kind of person who wanted to see it for himself. If I see Him, hear His voice, and touch His nail scarred hands, then will I believe. That is me. Not about Jesus but about almost everything else. I don't want to take your word for it, I don't need the opinions of anyone in deciding whether something is true or not. I am an educated woman and am capable of looking at the evidence and making up my own mind on a matter. I will go to the source for the information I need and not take the word of others when there is evidence available for me to look at and decide for myself. I guess that rubs people the wrong way. I am sorry if you can't understand that I will not blindly follow the popular path.
I march to the beat of a different drummer and will rise when the sound as that drum turns into the blast of a trumpet when my Jesus returns. I am His, and He is mine. I count it all joy when trials come to me. I know He is perfecting me, allowing me to be broken apart so He can mold me closer into His image.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
No Longer Their Victim
Lately I have spent a lot of my time thinking about the things that really matter to me-the principles that I refuse to waiver on. I have learned so much about the things that I am passionate about that I never realized before. The thing that is first and foremost on my list at the moment is standing by someone who is being hurt or persecuted in some way.
As a young girl I was extremely shy. I remember a time when I only spoke in front of around 7 people who were all part of my immediate family. I probably wouldn't have spoken aloud in front of them if more than 3 of them were present at one time. I remember being so afraid to talk to my aunts and uncles. I never remember speaking directly to my paternal grandfather aside from common pleasantries-and then only when absolutely necessary. My granddad was a man of few words and I guess I perceived him as being cold, harsh, and unapproachable. Looking back I am not so sure I was right about him. We kind of danced around each other every weekend that I spent in his home while visiting my dad which is really sad to think about.
I guess being a child of divorce caused me to have a victim mentality. I wonder if I would be the same person I am today if I had not experienced the pain of living a broken family life. Would my self esteem and confidence be stronger? I don't think I will ever heal completely from the hurt I endured silently, unnoticed by everyone around me. However, it was all allowed by God. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knit me together in my mother's womb, taking special care to create me uniquely and perfect for the purpose He had in mind for me.
I went through much of my life feeling victimized and bullied. I was timid and vulnerable. That may sound like a bad thing to you because it did to me until recently. Looking at it now I am beginning to see God's purpose in planting me where He did and in allowing me to experience the hurt that I did. In the course of the last few days I have seen that I have a passion for protecting the innocent no matter what it may cost me personally.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was forced to make an instant decision to stand and listen to a verbal rant about a person I see as a victim or to come to that person's defense. I chose to bear my claws and come out fighting. I now see why I reacted so strongly. I see myself in that young girls eyes. I see it in the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she tries to please those around her. Just like me she is looking for acceptance. She is searching for a way to fit into a world where she doesn't belong. Alone, afraid, silently carrying her burden. Unlike me she is not alone any longer. I stand with her. I take up her fight even though she may never know what I did for her or how very much I was required to pay when I stood in her place. I know someone else who stood in another's place. It cost Him His life. When faced with the decision to stand for those too weak to save themselves He stretched out His arms and allowed the attackers to nail Him to a cross.
I am a weak, fallible person. I make mistakes day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute but I serve a God that understands my weakness and loves me in spite of it. Just as He stood in my place I will stand for those I see in need. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. I am not a victim. I am not alone. He walks with me.
As a young girl I was extremely shy. I remember a time when I only spoke in front of around 7 people who were all part of my immediate family. I probably wouldn't have spoken aloud in front of them if more than 3 of them were present at one time. I remember being so afraid to talk to my aunts and uncles. I never remember speaking directly to my paternal grandfather aside from common pleasantries-and then only when absolutely necessary. My granddad was a man of few words and I guess I perceived him as being cold, harsh, and unapproachable. Looking back I am not so sure I was right about him. We kind of danced around each other every weekend that I spent in his home while visiting my dad which is really sad to think about.
I guess being a child of divorce caused me to have a victim mentality. I wonder if I would be the same person I am today if I had not experienced the pain of living a broken family life. Would my self esteem and confidence be stronger? I don't think I will ever heal completely from the hurt I endured silently, unnoticed by everyone around me. However, it was all allowed by God. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knit me together in my mother's womb, taking special care to create me uniquely and perfect for the purpose He had in mind for me.
I went through much of my life feeling victimized and bullied. I was timid and vulnerable. That may sound like a bad thing to you because it did to me until recently. Looking at it now I am beginning to see God's purpose in planting me where He did and in allowing me to experience the hurt that I did. In the course of the last few days I have seen that I have a passion for protecting the innocent no matter what it may cost me personally.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was forced to make an instant decision to stand and listen to a verbal rant about a person I see as a victim or to come to that person's defense. I chose to bear my claws and come out fighting. I now see why I reacted so strongly. I see myself in that young girls eyes. I see it in the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she tries to please those around her. Just like me she is looking for acceptance. She is searching for a way to fit into a world where she doesn't belong. Alone, afraid, silently carrying her burden. Unlike me she is not alone any longer. I stand with her. I take up her fight even though she may never know what I did for her or how very much I was required to pay when I stood in her place. I know someone else who stood in another's place. It cost Him His life. When faced with the decision to stand for those too weak to save themselves He stretched out His arms and allowed the attackers to nail Him to a cross.
I am a weak, fallible person. I make mistakes day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute but I serve a God that understands my weakness and loves me in spite of it. Just as He stood in my place I will stand for those I see in need. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. I am not a victim. I am not alone. He walks with me.
No Longer Their Victim
Lately I have spent a lot of my time thinking about the things that really matter to me-the principles that I refuse to waiver on. I have learned so much about the things that I am passionate about that I never realized before. The thing that is first and foremost on my list at the moment is standing by someone who is being hurt or persecuted in some way.
As a young girl I was extremely shy. I remember a time when I only spoke in front of around 7 people who were all part of my immediate family. I probably wouldn't have spoken aloud in front of them if more than 3 of them were present at one time. I remember being so afraid to talk to my aunts and uncles. I never remember speaking directly to my paternal grandfather aside from common pleasantries-and then only when absolutely necessary. My granddad was a man of few words and I guess I perceived him as being cold, harsh, and unapproachable. Looking back I am not so sure I was right about him. We kind of danced around each other every weekend that I spent in his home while visiting my dad which is really sad to think about.
I guess being a child of divorce caused me to have a victim mentality. I wonder if I would be the same person I am today if I had not experienced the pain of living a broken family life. Would my self esteem and confidence be stronger? I don't think I will ever heal completely from the hurt I endured silently, unnoticed by everyone around me. However, it was all allowed by God. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knit me together in my mother's womb, taking special care to create me uniquely and perfect for the purpose He had in mind for me.
I went through much of my life feeling victimized and bullied. I was timid and vulnerable. That may sound like a bad thing to you because it did to me until recently. Looking at it now I am beginning to see God's purpose in planting me where He did and in allowing me to experience the hurt that I did. In the course of the last few days I have seen that I have a passion for protecting the innocent no matter what it may cost me personally.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was forced to make an instant decision to stand and listen to a verbal rant about a person I see as a victim or to come to that person's defense. I chose to bear my claws and come out fighting. I now see why I reacted so strongly. I see myself in that young girls eyes. I see it in the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she tries to please those around her. Just like me she is looking for acceptance. She is searching for a way to fit into a world where she doesn't belong. Alone, afraid, silently carrying her burden. Unlike me she is not alone any longer. I stand with her. I take up her fight even though she may never know what I did for her or how very much I was required to pay when I stood in her place. I know someone else who stood in another's place. It cost Him His life. When faced with the decision to stand for those too weak to save themselves He stretched out His arms and allowed the attackers to nail Him to a cross.
I am a weak, fallible person. I make mistakes day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute but I serve a God that understands my weakness and loves me in spite of it. Just as He stood in my place I will stand for those I see in need. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. I am not a victim. I am not alone. He walks with me.
As a young girl I was extremely shy. I remember a time when I only spoke in front of around 7 people who were all part of my immediate family. I probably wouldn't have spoken aloud in front of them if more than 3 of them were present at one time. I remember being so afraid to talk to my aunts and uncles. I never remember speaking directly to my paternal grandfather aside from common pleasantries-and then only when absolutely necessary. My granddad was a man of few words and I guess I perceived him as being cold, harsh, and unapproachable. Looking back I am not so sure I was right about him. We kind of danced around each other every weekend that I spent in his home while visiting my dad which is really sad to think about.
I guess being a child of divorce caused me to have a victim mentality. I wonder if I would be the same person I am today if I had not experienced the pain of living a broken family life. Would my self esteem and confidence be stronger? I don't think I will ever heal completely from the hurt I endured silently, unnoticed by everyone around me. However, it was all allowed by God. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knit me together in my mother's womb, taking special care to create me uniquely and perfect for the purpose He had in mind for me.
I went through much of my life feeling victimized and bullied. I was timid and vulnerable. That may sound like a bad thing to you because it did to me until recently. Looking at it now I am beginning to see God's purpose in planting me where He did and in allowing me to experience the hurt that I did. In the course of the last few days I have seen that I have a passion for protecting the innocent no matter what it may cost me personally.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was forced to make an instant decision to stand and listen to a verbal rant about a person I see as a victim or to come to that person's defense. I chose to bear my claws and come out fighting. I now see why I reacted so strongly. I see myself in that young girls eyes. I see it in the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she tries to please those around her. Just like me she is looking for acceptance. She is searching for a way to fit into a world where she doesn't belong. Alone, afraid, silently carrying her burden. Unlike me she is not alone any longer. I stand with her. I take up her fight even though she may never know what I did for her or how very much I was required to pay when I stood in her place. I know someone else who stood in another's place. It cost Him His life. When faced with the decision to stand for those too weak to save themselves He stretched out His arms and allowed the attackers to nail Him to a cross.
I am a weak, fallible person. I make mistakes day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute but I serve a God that understands my weakness and loves me in spite of it. Just as He stood in my place I will stand for those I see in need. I will daily take up my cross and follow Him. I am not a victim. I am not alone. He walks with me.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Jesus Weeps
Tonight as I was casually browsing through my long list of blogs I came upon a post entitled "Love Never Fails" from Big Mama's blog. That post as well as an article a friend linked on facebook today have spoken to me or rather God spoke to me through them.
Today was Sweet G's long therapy day so I met my husband for lunch. As we ate we talked about all that is going on in our lives. We questioned how our intentions and feelings could be so misunderstood. We are heartbroken that others see us as the bad guys in a situation we had nothing to do with. We saw where things were headed and in our obviously poor communication failed to get our message across clearly.
I told my husband after he prayed over our food that I cringed when he prayed for those involved. I went on to say how wrong I know it is for me to feel that way. Realizing my feelings are wrong is the first step toward forgiveness. I know I need to, that I am commanded to, but right now I just don't want to. I am hurt and feel like I have been backed into a corner. That isn't such a good place for me to be! I don't like being bullied and don't stand in corners for long. I know that is something that God is working on because He keeps allowing me to face situations that place me directly into the corner so to speak.
I also need to ask for forgiveness from a few people. Don't ya just love doing that. I am struggling with feeling justified in my anger because I keep hearing a little voice say, "They started it. They yelled at me first. The first insult came from them and was aimed at me."
The truth is that I don't want to be the kind of person who won't ask forgiveness or give forgiveness. I will do both in time but it is hard to ask forgiveness when you have been accused of things you didn't say or didn't mean in the way the person perceived what you said. It is also impossible to explain your point of view when the other person attacks you verbally and won't give you a chance to talk without being interrupted.
The article I read today spoke about overcoming fear. Although I am not experiencing that particular emotion right now there were things in that article that spoke straight to my heart. One thing the article said was to imagine Christ kneeling in a room of your house praying for you. I will describe what I see.
I see His nail scarred hands folded in prayer. I hear Him as He pleads for God to show me grace and mercy. Tears fall as He asks the Father to soften my calloused heart. He begs for me to be comforted and protected from the fiery darts being shot at me. "Keep her safe Father. Send healing to her heart. Forgive her stubbornness and remove the scales covering her eyes so she may see Your truth. She's mine, Father. Pick her up and hold her in Your loving arms. Whisper comforting words in her ear. Surround her with Your presence. Dry her tears and lead her to the throne. Strengthen her to make it through another day. Renew her joy and fill her with your Holy Spirit until it splashes all around her. Carry her through this storm until she is strong enough to walk beside You. I love her Father. She is covered by my blood. I paid the cost for her. Show her she has a future and a hope and thank you dear Father for the plans you have in store for her."
Jesus Weeps
Tonight as I was casually browsing through my long list of blogs I came upon a post entitled "Love Never Fails" from Big Mama's blog. That post as well as an article a friend linked on facebook today have spoken to me or rather God spoke to me through them.
Today was Sweet G's long therapy day so I met my husband for lunch. As we ate we talked about all that is going on in our lives. We questioned how our intentions and feelings could be so misunderstood. We are heartbroken that others see us as the bad guys in a situation we had nothing to do with. We saw where things were headed and in our obviously poor communication failed to get our message across clearly.
I told my husband after he prayed over our food that I cringed when he prayed for those involved. I went on to say how wrong I know it is for me to feel that way. Realizing my feelings are wrong is the first step toward forgiveness. I know I need to, that I am commanded to, but right now I just don't want to. I am hurt and feel like I have been backed into a corner. That isn't such a good place for me to be! I don't like being bullied and don't stand in corners for long. I know that is something that God is working on because He keeps allowing me to face situations that place me directly into the corner so to speak.
I also need to ask for forgiveness from a few people. Don't ya just love doing that. I am struggling with feeling justified in my anger because I keep hearing a little voice say, "They started it. They yelled at me first. The first insult came from them and was aimed at me."
The truth is that I don't want to be the kind of person who won't ask forgiveness or give forgiveness. I will do both in time but it is hard to ask forgiveness when you have been accused of things you didn't say or didn't mean in the way the person perceived what you said. It is also impossible to explain your point of view when the other person attacks you verbally and won't give you a chance to talk without being interrupted.
The article I read today spoke about overcoming fear. Although I am not experiencing that particular emotion right now there were things in that article that spoke straight to my heart. One thing the article said was to imagine Christ kneeling in a room of your house praying for you. I will describe what I see.
I see His nail scarred hands folded in prayer. I hear Him as He pleads for God to show me grace and mercy. Tears fall as He asks the Father to soften my calloused heart. He begs for me to be comforted and protected from the fiery darts being shot at me. "Keep her safe Father. Send healing to her heart. Forgive her stubbornness and remove the scales covering her eyes so she may see Your truth. She's mine, Father. Pick her up and hold her in Your loving arms. Whisper comforting words in her ear. Surround her with Your presence. Dry her tears and lead her to the throne. Strengthen her to make it through another day. Renew her joy and fill her with your Holy Spirit until it splashes all around her. Carry her through this storm until she is strong enough to walk beside You. I love her Father. She is covered by my blood. I paid the cost for her. Show her she has a future and a hope and thank you dear Father for the plans you have in store for her."
Monday, March 7, 2011
Jesus Understands Momma
Today will always be remembered as one of the worst days of my life. I say that not to be melodramatic but simply because I know it to be true. My world was forever changed almost four months ago when someone I love dearly was arrested for an unspeakable crime. After months of hearing everyone around me make excuses for this person's behavior I lost my temper and spoke my true feelings about the situation.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
Although I love this person I cannot excuse or overlook what they have done. That person alone is responsible for the situation that they allowed themselves to be in. I also refuse to listen as other people I love sit and place the blame for this situation on others. Each person in my family with the exception of one has said that they believe the allegations are true and yet they blame others and try to rationalize that this person does not deserve the punishment our judicial system sets for this crime.
It was never my intention to cause anyone pain over this situation. I only tried to tell them what I saw coming. My warnings were not well received. Things I said were twisted and I am accused of being happy that this person eventually plead guilty for their crime, was convicted, and given a fair and reasonable sentence under our current laws. Contrary to what they believe or say I can assure you that there has not been a party going on around here, no celebrations to last throughout the year.
The only difference between me and everyone else in this situation is that I believe in the power of truth. I believe that although our judicial system is not perfect it does work well most of the time. I refuse to give up on the court system of my city, my county, my state, and my nation even when that system is required to send one of my own to prison for breaking the laws of man and the laws of God.
A strange thing happened today just prior to my hearing what had transpired in court. Sweet G was having his first therapy session since having his casts removed. He is in terrible pain when his legs are bent in the least amount but in order to heal he must endure the pain. As his therapist patiently worked to measure Sweet G's range of motion he looked directly at me and said with tears streaming down his face, "Momma, Jesus understands. He's the only one who understands." Immediately after he made the statement a dear friend sent my husband a text message asking if we had heard the verdict.
I didn't think about the significance of G's statement at the time or see God's Devine timing in the delivery of the message. It wasn't until tonight as my husband knelt beside our bed and held me as we prayed that I made the connection. God was preparing me for the assault that I was about to face.
"Jesus understands." A simple statement of faith by a child. Jesus does understand. He understands the pain that sin has cost Sweet G. He understands the betrayal of my family. He understands our broken hearts. When I pray for this hard time to pass over me He understands. He understands because He was beaten for our transgressions, he was misunderstood and forsaken by his family, and He too prayed for God to let His cross pass over Him.
Peace is mine because I am His. Jesus understands.
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