Strength to Make it Through

Having a child in full leg casts that are spread 26" apart at the feet has been a trying experience. It is going on three weeks now and I am about at my witts end. The first few days were not too bad. I had J at home to help me out and we worked as a team to figure things out. J returned to work 6 days after the surgery and I must admit I was very nervous. Up until that day I had not tried to pick G up by myself and the thought of it terrified me. I was so afraid that I would hurt him or that I wouldn't be able to hold him because he is so cumbersome with the casts. He was still pretty sore and moving him caused him pain.

I had no choice but to go it alone and those first two days J was back at work I did great. I cleaned the house, got G on the sofa for a little while, figured out the best way to help him use the toilet, and spent some quality time with Sweet G. Wednesdays are therapy days and thank goodness J is able to arrange it so that he can come home so that we can drop G off at therapy together, spend and hour and 1/2 together, and then return home. The first week was okay and I thought I had totally overreaccted about the whole experience.

Well, week two didn't go quite so smoothly. We have been weening G off his meds and I tried a couple of nights without anything. BIG mistake! He started having muscle spasms pretty bad and couldn't sleep. The casts were starting to irritate him and the itching was really starting to set in. He slept two or three nights sitting up in bed. When I say sitting up I mean sitting up not proped up against pillows but sitting slumped over with his head in my back. He flopped back onto my face at least twice in one night. I was getting very little sleep and the sleep I was getting was not restful.

This past week has been hard. I am tired of sleeping without my husband. In 26+ years of marriage we have never slept apart except for occasional nights when one of the boys was sick or the rare times that one of us was out of town for some reason or other. I do not like sleeping apart from my husband. Thankfully we switch places on weekends. He sleeps with G on Friday and Saturday nights so I can have some alone time and supposedly get some much needed sleep. (I should be asleep now)

I miss my husband!! I am going stir crazy in this house with nothing to do! So, tonight my sweet J called my favorite precious nephew and had him and his sweet girlfriend come and babysit so we could get out of the house. I could choose anywhere I wanted to go. I chose Michael's, Pier One, Home Depot, and J got something to eat at Zaxby's. I know it probably sounds like a dull date but I really enjoyed it. I was at the point of tears at one point in Michael's. I can't tell you why. I am just very emotional and totally out of balance!! There is just too much emotional junk going on in my life right now! I am emotionally drained to the point of breaking down.

I know this too shall pass. In fact, stage one will be half over on Tuesday. We are going on a short trip with some wonderful friends the week after that and then it won't be long before those little legs are revealed!! I really am cautiously excited! I keep hearing people say how amazing this is going to be for him. I know in my head that it should help but in my heart I am just afraid of being too optimistic and being disappointed. It is imperative that G overcome his fear of falling. For him to reach his full potential he has to be fearless. So my prayer for him tonight is:

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."
Psalm 18:32-36

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