Our Smokie Mountain Adventure: Part 1

The day was filled with excitement because my family and I were leaving after school to go on a weekend trip with a few of my classmates from high school. We had rented a huge house and were going to spend the next three days catching up with each other. It had been snowing here most of the day so school was released early. We hurriedly finished packing and finally hit the snow covered roads headed for the mountains three hours away.  A few of my classmates had already arrived at the cabin and reported no problems on the roads, so we kept our focus on getting there as quickly and safely as possible.

The roads began looking worse the farther from home we got. It was late afternoon and we felt sure that if we made it by dark we would be okay. My son and his girlfriend we're following us in his car. It is his first real experience on the interstate and his first time driving in snow. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck. About half way into our trip I started to feel sorta queasy. I assume that it is nerves and car sickness and manage to keep my nausea at bay until we stop for a bathroom break. As we are about to pull back out into the roadway a sudden surge of nausea hits and I lose both my battle and lunch in the blink of an eye. It is now that I start to question whether I could possibly be suffering from more than car sickness and nerves but we have come to far to turn back now. We are closer to the cabin than we are to home and it is beginning to get dark.

Back on the highway we drive slowly making our way to our destination. We turn off the main road onto a very narrow country road filled with hills and curves.. Cars are sliding off the roadway. So far we are fine and haven't had any trouble. We were within a couple of miles of our destination. This is the point that my "friends" decide to tell us that we will not be able to get to the house. The drive is icy and dangerous. They tell us to stop at a convenience store about a mile from the cabin.

I have managed to keep from throwing up since our last stop but as the gravity of our current situation sinks in, my nausea comes back with a vengeance. My husband buys me some zip lock baggies and I begin to fill them up. One mile separates us from a nice cozy cabin filled with old friends. We can't walk the rest of the way in the dark pushing our disabled son in his wheelchair. What are we going to do?

To be continued. . .

Return to an Old Love or Stay With What I Know

I made the switch from Blogger to Wordpress a while ago. I had difficulty with crashes and experienced formatting issues that drove me insane. My problem is that there are things I like about each of them. I started my blog on blogger. I love that it is so easy to personalize my background theme. I like the way my stats are displayed and I find it easier to add music to my blog. On the other hand I hated typing a post and have it be totally lost. Wordpress is reliable. It has never crashed on me when I was writing a post. I am really pleased with it but I miss the cutesy touches that blogger provided me. I miss my music. You can add a player to wordpress but I haven't had luck. It took me more time to get everything to work so I gave up. I decided to conduct a test. Google has conveniently provided so many cool tools that I am beginning to use regularly. I really would love for all my stuff to be connected in one place like it would be if I used blogger. So, I am going to spend some time analyzing the pros and cons, then make a decision on using one or the other. Wish me luck!

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

Life is filled with ups and downs and twists and turns. I use to become very anxious about the changes in my life but as I grow older I find that I can see how God uses my circumstances to shape me into a better person. Today was one of the days of life that have the ability to leave you discouraged and depressed.

Wednesday is therapy day for G. He has all three therapies on Wednesdays so that gives me + - 3 hours to myself. I had planned on using the time today to get some housework done. We were about to eat lunch when we made the discovery. J turned the kitchen faucet on and nothing happened. We had no water whatsoever. I had not yet taken a shower and was going to be taking G to therapy in less than an hour.

After a few minutes of bewilderment my sweet precious husband who has way too much on his plate lately discovered that he has been riding around with our water bill and payment in his work bag. He made out the check in plenty of time but in all the chaos, that is our life, he forgot to deliver it. Our water had been cut off for non-payment.

At one time this kind of thing would have sent me crashing over the deep end but today it was simply a little inconvenience. It just wasn't important enough to get upset over. One phone call to the water department (payment and $50 late fee paid on the phone) and the matter was resolved. My husband was much more upset about it than I was. To me it is just a funny story to remember. If that is the worst thing that happens I think we will be okay.

I did find it amusing that this situation occurred the day after I announced that I was taking control of my life. The truth is we only possess a certain amount of control. Things happen. We make mistakes. Life is not perfect but that does not mean that we can't enjoy living it. You can't sweat the small stuff and you can't let it get you down. At times like that you have to find the humor, give a little chuckle, and move on.

Days like today make me realize how much I love my crazy, sometimes chaotic, sweet, sweet life.

Organizing My Life

This week I have decided to take control of my life. I need order and organization in my life to be able to function at my best and somewhere along the way I lost the ability to keep it all together. During the first 20 years of my marriage I was organized, knew where everything was, and had routines that kept my life in order and me sane. I'm not sure which came first, the insanity or the chaos. It is kinda like the chicken and the egg thing; it doesn't really matter which came first because either way one of them caused the other and the cycle simply continues.

Meal planning and execution are a big challenge for me. Sweet G has wheat and peanut allergies. I suppose that my problems with meals started around the time he was diagnosed. You can't imagine how many products contain wheat. It is almost impossible to eat out and typical kid foods are out of the question. As I am writing this post I came to the realization that there are tons of things G can eat, they just aren't quick and easy. No PB&J when mommy is having a stressful day. Spice mixes are often wheat culprits causing stress in remembering which ones are safe. We basically need to cook all our food from scratch. As I read this I am thinking, "Isn't that what you should be doing anyway?"

Anyway, this week I found an app for my iPad. You can either use Paper plate online or with the app and they sync with each other so you can switch from the computer to iPad without losing anything in the process. It will allow you to plan menus, record recipes, make shopping lists, and more! So far I love it. I am able to set up several menus and simply insert them onto my calendar. It keeps everything at my fingertips which simplifies my life.

During the writing of this post I realized that I need to create my own spice mixes so I can eliminate that problem from my life. No more packaged spice mixes! I guess that is next on the agenda in the kitchen department.

My second project has been to clean out and organized the computer. It is full and reminds me of days during my teaching practicum when I would try to file things in certain teachers file cabinets. There is only so much one drawer can hold and still be functional and the same is true for my laptop. My entire college experience is crammed into that hard drive and it just can't hold anything else. The photos are the main problem. We have thousands of them and I am sure some of them are duplicates.

Every little bit I do makes me feel better. I am trying to stay focused and take baby steps so I don't get overwhelmed. I just have to keep telling myself, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Standing at the Screen Door

My parents divorced before I was old enough to retain any memories of the time they were together. There is not one picture of me with both of my parents. Not one trace of evidence from the life we lived together. For that reason I find it impossible to imagine that we ever had the same last name or lived together as a family although we did for only a short time.

In my earliest memory I am standing at a screen door crying for my parents. From what I can remember I believe it must have been springtime which means I was less than two years old. My mother's sister is telling me that my Mom is at work and that my Daddy will be here soon to pick me up. That first memory is one of loss, abandonment, fear, and confusion. It explains a lot about who I am and how my personality was formed. I understand so many things about who I am and how that first memory held me prisoner without me realizing it.

I spent many years feeling like a victim. Social situations almost crippled me. I scrutinized every conversation and became my own worst enemy. Fear and shame were my constant companions until I slowly started seeing myself the way God sees me. Little by little I gained a new self image and stopped worrying about what others thought so much. Those feelings have not gone away but I have learned to control them instead of letting them control me.

Lately I've been feeling somewhat like that little girl; confused, afraid, alone, abandoned, unloved. I know that those feelings are real and justified but unlike that baby girl standing at the screen door I don't have to let those feelings define me or hold me prisoner. I have a new identity in Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. He shelters me beneath His wings.

Psalm 17:8-9 (KJV)
8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,