Was this life I've lived ever mine?
I can't remember a time when it was.
Earliest memories are of lack of control.
Life spinning hazardously around me.
Maybe there was a brief moment
That I felt it was mine
But it wasn't, not really.
Someone else always held their power over me.
Helpless to their wishes,
Pulled and pushed,
Battered and torn.
Do you know what hopelessness feels like?
I do.
Life chosen for you,
Arranging your calendar like secretaries.
I simply go when and where I'm told.
Lost from the very beginning,
Unable to discover who I was really meant to become.
Crippled by tragedy in infancy.
Ripped apart by divorce.
I thought as an adult it would change
But it doesn't.
At least it didn't for me.
Now a husband and children rule my world.
And still my parents fight for their part of me.
What is left for me?